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Once upon a time there was a young lady who wanted to eat pickled onions very much. So one day she decided to eat one since she had never done so before and in fact, she had never even seen a pickled onion before. So she decided to go on a quest for a pickled onion. She found lots of pickles and lots of onions but she had yet to find a pickled onion when she saw a huge castle.

Thinking that perhaps there might be a pickled onion there she decided to look inside and she stepped in. Everybody was still and motionless for without knowing it she had stumbled into the castle of Sleeping Beauty and as it was only thirty five years since Sleeping Beauty had touched the spindle everyone was still asleep.

Our heroine walked around the castle for a while but didn’t see anything resembling a pickled onion so she left but not before she had picked a rose from the castle gardens. It was the first sleeping rose she had ever seen.

After leaving the castle she went on her way and saw a house made of cookies and cake and candy. However it didn’t look like there would be a pickled onion there and it did look as though there would be a child eating witch there so she went on.

At this point I realized that I was threading in old fairy tales into this most epic of quests for pickled onions and I also felt as though you probably realized that quite some time ago. Anyway….

Soon she came across a barren plain where a huge battle was going on and beyond it she could see a large mountain which was overflowing with lava and somewhere in that direction Frodo the hobbit was about to throw in the ring of doom so apparently sleeping beauty woke up around the year sixty-ive of the Fourth Age of Middle Earth if you want to be precise but who does?

Having now thrown a more modern fairy tale into the story the heroine of this carefully avoided the enemy army but not until she had picked up a sword from a fallen warrior since she thought it might be good for slicing pickled onions and she went on until she saw a wise old man who told her, “Often times it chances in this world that when one wants something done one has to do it for oneself.” He then went on his way and since he spoken this most useful bit of advice in a language our heroine did not speak she was unable to profit from the gibberish.

She went on until two seconds later a handsome prince said, “Would you like me to translate what he said?” and she said “Yes.” and the handsome prince translated and she, since she wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying but merely paying attention to him and the pleasant mellow tones of his voice said, “That was wonderful” once he had stopped speaking without any clear idea of what he had said.

But he knew what had been said and the very useful advice and two years later when they were approaching their two year wedding anniversary he repeated it and our heroine decided to make a pickled onion herself and she did and once she had eaten it she remarked, “Yuck!”

THE END