BethJoy.com

What I'm planning to spend some of tomorrow...

In the picture above you can see me and my brother John holding part of John and his wife Erin's birthday present to me. I also got two more lengths of fabric but they didn't have have green portriats of dead presidents stuck to them. There are fifty ones pinned to the fabric so it was a very nice present. Which reminds me, I haven't got Andrew's present yet... Hmm, he said he was going to get me one. Maybe he forgot...

Tomorrow I'm probably going to be going with Laura Beth to a very large fabric store. Laura Beth gave me a gift certificate there so it will be fun spending it:) I'm looking forward to tomorrow!

I meant to make a movie today but I didn't

It's been a while since a put a movie on here and I did mean to make one today but inspiration didn't come. Oh well.

In other news I just looked at my website's stats and guess what? This month has had the highest level of unique visitors coming to my site of this whole year!!! That's exciting!

I've been working on a project lately

My Tiny Kitty dolls are really fun and it's fun to make clothes for them. It's also fun to make to make costumes from movies and actually have them turn out recognizable! I made this dress recently for Kitty.

I'm probably going to a fabric store this Saturday so I've been busy watching movie after movie(utilizing the fast forward button so it doesn't take as long) and scanning for nice outfits and writing down what fabric would be used for the outfit and making a nice long list of fabrics to look for when I go to the fabric store. So that's what I'm doing now and since I'm watching a movie as I'm writing this I'm not paying attention to the post:)

Today I played a game with Daniel and I lost... Again

I had built two new decks the last time I got a set of LOTR trading cards and it wasn't until tonight that I played a game with daniel with them. Every time I've played that card game with Daniel I've lost miserably and this time was no different. Oh well, at least I have the satisfaction of knowing that I can build a killer deck since I built the one Daniel used to beat me:)

Today was my Seventeenth Birthday or should I say Today Is My Seventeenth birthday?

Well, I'm now seventeen years old! Remarkable isn't it? I was only fourteen or fifteen when I started this website... That reminds me, it's about time for a new About Me post.

Today I was pretty lazy and laid back though I got several things done. Since I'm going shopping at a fabric store on Saturday, Lord willing, I thought I'd do some costume research and went through ten or more movies spotting costumes and writing them down and what sort of fabric would be needed to make them. Since doll outfits don't use up a lot of fabric this list will be useful to me in searching for fabric at the fabric store.

In other news... Tonight I watched Star Wars A New Hope and really, really, really, enjoyed it. I think of all the Star Wars Movies that is my favorite one and it was the first one I saw. My Dad and I watched all of it, though through some of it my brother Andrew watched and through much less of it Mom watched. My Dad enjoyed it too.

So now that I've Star Wars I've written a page on The First Lengthy Epic Science Fiction Adventure of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange which I official started on the 24th of September but I only got as far as "Chapter One" on that day. Today I got a little farther. It will be interesting to see what happens in this story because on the other story, though Tolkien was perhaps my primary influence, there were quite a few other fantasy and fairy tale stories I'd read, plus I'd written several myself. However in the Science fiction world Star Wars is about it though I have written some(this post for example) science fiction, I haven't written much. But blasters are kind of like guns and the old west can probably be drawn upon and I have watched many, many cowboy movies. So it should be interesting. Currently not much has happened since I'm only a page into the story but hopefully the plot will soon come to me and then... We'll see!

For some reason yesterday there were a ton of visits to my website, 78 in fact. The day before that was 39 and Friday had 38 visitors. thursday had only 29 visitors and I would have considered that a busy day in comparison with most of the month. So far this month an estimated 37 visitors have added my website to their favorites folder and that also is good. Two people have found my website while searching for "buy venamous snakes" and I don't think they found the information they sought. Six visitors have come searching for "how to speak pig latin" and I think that they did find the information they wanted. I've had 281 unique visitors so far this month and that is more than I had in July or August. June had 325 visitors and the most unique visitors I had in a month was May at 466 visitors.

I hope that if you haven't been on my website for a couple of days that you look back over the previous posts and see the story I just posted on here last Friday. I've had a very good birthday this year. I've thoroughly enjoyed it and now I'm Seventeen! I've enjoyed being sixteen and now it's time to enjoy beiing sixteen until it's time to start enjoying being eighteen though I'm not rushing things.

So we have now reached the end of posts posted by a sixteen year old and also the end of this post.

Today was full of wonderful surprises!!!

We went out to eat at Bucca De Beppo's today for lunch after church in celebration of my birthday. The first of the wonderful surprises came when I walked in and I saw Greer and Bryn, two of my best friends, inside. I wasn't expecting them to be there because usually I only see them about once a year and I'd already seen them this year and they have a very busy schedule. i was really happy to see them.

I was wearing my Tiara and a really pretty outfit and I felt just like a princess. We ate in the Pope's room of the italian restaurant. There is a large round table and on it is a lazy susan with a statue of the pope in the center. At the head of the table is a very fancy chair and there I sat with Greer on my right and Bryn on my left.

Quite a few guests were there, I think sixteen people in total. There were myself, Greer, and Bryn as I've already mentioned, My Mom, my Dad, my brother Daniel, my brother Andrew, there was Laura Beth (Daniel's girlfriend), my Grandmother, Mike and Robbie "Dishie", Three Dennings, and Jeff and Heidi.

It's remarkable how even when you know how to pronounce peoples names when it comes to writing them down you suddenly are confronted by the problem of spelling their names and sometimes one can't think of the proper spelling...

Dinner was great. My dad ordered a lot of food and even though everybody ate a lot of food there still was quite a bit left over. About the time we were done eating Mom asked me if I was done and I said that I could be and she and I walked away from the table. Mom then went back for a few moments leaving me with strict instructions not to go back and I didn't until she came and told me it was alright. When I got back nothing seemed to have changed. A few years ago I probably would have been bugging people to find out what had happened but this year I very elegantly didn't though I checked my chair to make sure that I wasn't going to sit on anything sharp when I sat down.

Shortly after came birthday presents! First there was a lovely card from the Dennings which had lip gloss in it. Then I think(the exact sequence of events is a trifle bit blurred) the Diffies gave me a bag containing a Mary Englbert book about the Birthday Queen(the card was addressed to Queen Elizabeth) and also a journel about "My Glamorous Life" and a twenty dollar Walmart Gift Card!!! :) :) :) Next Bryn and Greer gave me a pretty box which had a card and quite a lot of hair accesories and some jewelry and some other pretty miscellaneous things. The card was addressed "To the two twins, who is only one person" and was referring to a movie I starred in with Greer and Bryn called "A Tale of Three Twins" where I played twin sisters and Bryn played twin sisters and Greer was the queen. Then Mom picked up a gift bag she had somewhat mysteriously carried into the restaurant when she went in and had handed to Dad just as she and I left. This was now handed to me and I opened and first I found a bud of a of a fake flower and then a quarter and an empty trash bag which I thoroughly investigated to make sure it was really empty. Since Mom and Dad had already given me several really nice presents and I hadn't been expecting more from them I was not disappointed or to rephrase that, I did not burst into tears.

At Bucca de Beppos they have a candelabra which they bring out when it is a birthday party and this soon showed up. I was busy looking at that and the deserts and didn't not immediately notice what was going on around me and when I turned to my right i was suddenly aware that something was not quite normal. A few seconds later I looked around the table and saw that EVERYBODY had just put on those funny glasses that have the big nose with the black mustache and eyebrows. It was a complete and total surprise!!! I really enjoyed it. After desert nose jokes and mustache jokes went around.

But desert should not be skipped over so hastily. it was delicious. I really enjoyed what I ate though I didn't eat as much as I could have if I had wanted to for I was allowed to serve myself. However I didn't want to be too sick next week as I have a lot to do.

I had a lot of fun today. There probably was a lot I could have mentioned but didn't since it's time for a nap.

And speaking of things I didn't mention, Friday Andrew got a new car. It's a beautiful vibrant yellow Porsche and I was very correct and didn't leave off the E at the end of the word Porsche. I have some pictures of it and I'll probably put them up on Monday. He likes it a lot and he mentioned that I had forgotten to mention it on my website. So I'll mention it now and probably mention it more thoroughly later. it's fun to ride in!

This has probably been one of my favorite birthday parties!

Grandmother arrived this afternoon around five. It's very nice having my grandmother here! The party started around six or so. First we had tortellini alifini which is something I really enjoy eating. Laura Beth came over as well as John and Erin and Buckie. After eating it was time for PRESENTS!!!

Since I knew what was in six presents we did something really fun. Mom sad I should use my x-ray vision to figure out what was in the boxes so I did so and it was really fun, "I see something red and something pink..." and then I'd go on and then I was right!!! The six presents I knew about were 1. A Tiny Kitty doll whose name was High Drama. 2. A Tiny Kitty doll that was called Enchantment. 3. A basic redhead tiny kitty doll. 4 A set of shoes for Tiny Kitty. 5. A magic attic ice skating outfit. 6. A formal dress. The last mentioned formal dress was gotten on a shopping trip a little while ago. It was on sale for $20.00 and it looks gorgeous!!! All of these presents were from Mom and Dad.

Now we come to the presents that I ddin't know about. First comes my grandmothers present, and it is a really nice one. A real pearl necklace with real diamonds! It's beautiful. There is one pearl and two little diamonds and it's on a silver chain. Very regal and elegant it is.

Next Laura Beth gave me a twenty dollar gift certificate at a fabric store! She and I will probably go up there next Saturday maybe. It's fun going places with Laura Beth. We went shopping together once before.

Then it was time for John and Erin's present which was presented to me. John knew just what to get me and I was very pleased. He took out a roll of fabric and unrolled it and pinned to the roll were FIFTY one dollar bills! I was extremely pleased. I will be going shopping soon! Also in the bag were two more things of fabric.

Then Daniel gave me his present, a twenty dollar gift certificate for the Itunes store! That will be very nice. I like to have new music as I type and music can be very inspiring for stories.

After that came cake. Mom had made me a sugar free cake that I could eat and had also purchased a absolutely gorgeous sugar cake that said "Happy Birthday Elizabeth" on it and that was really nice. Dad made me lot of just banana ice cream. And now I'm very tired. There was a lot I haven't mentioned and I took lots of pictures but right now I'm tired and sleepy and it's time to go to bed. I hope you'll look down at the previous post.

So Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! To everybody who got me a present!!!

A few explanations about The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange

All right, to begin with I've kind of posted a only slightly edited rough draft of the story. So it's not perfect but after all, it's free:) I hope you enjoy reading it!

I posted it in three parts because when I posted it all in one post all of it did not show up.

You may notice every once in a while dates listed. Well that is so that I would be able to see what I wrote on that day. From the point of seeing a date to the point that you see another date is what I wrote that day. I started writing on August 24th so it's only been thirty days since I started writing this.

I would greatly appreciate hearing what you think about the story so please do comment on it. I also apologize about the lack of paragraph indention but though I did indent when writing it when I posted it the posting program ignored all the indention. The total length of the story is about 46 pages long. Enjoy!

The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange Written by Elizabeth Joy Von Fange (who else?) Part One or Chapters One and Two

The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange
Written by Elizabeth Joy Von Fange (who else?)

Chapter One
Forward and Introduction

It is my personal belief that the first few sentences of a story are often the hardest ones of the tale, up to that point. It is often very difficult to start a story and pick which point the tale or story told should begin. The reason I mention this is because I've started this particular story quite a few times already and haven't gotten anywhere so perhaps I'll just write another opening later if I don't think that this one is good enough.
The main purpose of this story(I suppose this sounds more like a forward than the beginning of a tale. Oh Well.) is merely to provide me with a very easy story to write(I hope) that I can write in a style similar to that which I would use on Bethjoy.com if I want to write in that style or if I want to write in any other style I can do that as well for in this story Quantity and not necessarily Quality is going to be in the forefront for I purpose to write a story of excess of twenty-five pages and if this tale will go to fifty pages or a hundred I shall be even more pleased and if somebody actually reads it I shall be even happier, especially if they like it but that may be too much to hope for.
This tale, I hope, will be easy to write for several reasons, the first is that it is going to be a fantasy story in a fantasy world which means that though it may be based in fact does not necessarily have to stick with it. The second reason is that I am going to be the heroine, or at least the heroine of this story is going to be based on me more or less though she may be more of either what I would wish to be or what fits in well with the story. The third reason is that I am going to be more or less in complete charge of this book and all of the characters in it will have to do as I tell them, if I want them to do so. Therefore I am going to have the ultimate power of an Authoress. In conclusion this story should be fun because "Logical Reason and Sense Tra La have little to do with this thing!"
The main character of this story is, as I have mentioned, me, Elizabeth Joy Von Fange and at the time of writing this sentence I am sixteen though I am rapidly approaching seventeen. I have brown hair which comes down about midway down my back and I have brown eyes and I think I might be considered to be fairly pretty.
However for the purposes of this story I'm going to make a few slight changes to myself so I'm going to lengthen my hair so that it falls in rippling brown waves down to my waist and I'll probably upgrade my entire look to "Dazzlingly Beautiful" if a suitable occasion arises and the matter is not otherwise provided for. Being that I like to dress up in beautiful gowns a lot, in the beginning of the story I think that I shall wear a crimson velvet medieval gown with a very full skirt and train and long flowing sleeves with gold trim about the edges.
Amongst other things I think I shall have a sharp sword of elegant and light make with perhaps jewels on it's scabbard but as doubtless this sword will play a great part in the tale I think that I shall mention it in detail when the details become important.
The opening setting I think will be next. I'm very fond of seeing majestic mountains in the background so those will go into place. I also like sparkling waterfalls and pleasant glades of trees so there are plenty of those about. In fact at the onset of the story I think I shall be standing in a glade on the side of a mountain overlooking a peaceful and prosperous valley and there will probably be a waterfall nearby though I certainly won't stand under it, one should avoid standing underneath waterfalls for objects may float down from above and then fall upon one's head and severely damage or kill one. And that last sentence was a bit of stark reality that I put in in order to warn whoever is reading this against standing beneath waterfalls. Also because I'm sure my Mother would like this story to have some good advice in it.
As I like castles very much I think that on a hill in the valley there shall be a very large one. It will be white with many towers that have conical gold roofs that glisten in the sun. Around the castle there will be a moat for defensive purposes and also to give the eight slithering sea monsters, who just insisted on being in the tale, a place to live.
In addition to this, since such a place is rather important, somewhere in the valley there will either be a WAL-MART or something like it where I can go shopping as I greatly enjoy going shopping.
Now standing in a pleasant forest glade, though it may be enjoyable, is not really what I enjoy doing the most, and it certainly pales beside going shopping, and after standing there long enough for me to finish writing this opening the me in the story told the me who is writing the story that the beautiful white castle with its shining towers would probably be a more interesting place to be.
Obligingly I give my permission to go there however there is a slight difficulty, which I intentionally put in, for the castle is some distance away.
Since walking is certainly not one of my favorite pastimes that was out of the question, at least for the present, so instead I gave out a clear call and waited.
A few minutes later a beautiful white winged horse with a shining horn of clear diamond flew towards me and landed. I approached politely and eagerly stroked it's soft exterior(I wasn't not sure whether to say, "Fur", "Hair", "feathers" or something else but why get stuck over a technicality). Soon I mounted it and speedily, though not so fast that the journey was unpleasant, it took me to the castle.
This particular sort of creature of fantasy is probably one of my favorites. I really like winged horses though I seldom have the opportunity of riding them. However in this story I have a feeling I'll be riding them frequently though I might be mistaken about that.
The winged horse soon reached the castle and landed in the main courtyard and I dismounted and the winged horse flew off, though I knew it would probably come again if I called it. I walked towards the great gates of the castle while thinking that in our world a castle that size was bound to have a gift shop. This being a fantasy world however it was not guaranteed.
The gates were open for, though I may have neglected to mention it before, it was about mid day and the sun was shining and peace was in the land and many were going in and out of the castle. I entered and was not challenged by the guards who, seeing that I had arrived on a winged horse, doubtless thought that I was somebody of importance who had been summoned to the great council that was to be held in the castle that day at two thirty.
It was now two o'clock or so and I was not in a great hurry to arrive at the council before it started so I slowly walked towards the castle admiring its beauties and looking to see if there was a gift shop. There was but as I did not immediately see the words "Sale" or "Clearance" or even "Ten Percent Off" written anywhere within it I decided to investigate it after the council.
The architecture of the castle was very beautiful and quite varied though all was pleasant to behold. Not being able to describe furnishings well, or even being able to look at them for long(the home decorating parts of stores almost always give me a head ache) I will not describe any of the rooms unless It is important to the story, and maybe not even then.
The castle was quite large and the council chamber was a trifle bit hard to find for it was intentionally designed to be so as it was considered by the builders of the castle that anybody who couldn't find it probably didn't need to be at the council anyway.
However precisely two minutes before Two Thirty I arrived at the council chamber. It was a large room with walls of grey stone. The roof was arched and pillars reached up from the ground to the roof. In the center of the room was a table on which things could be placed. There were, however, no chairs or other furnishings. The room, though well built, had very little decoration for the builders considered that elegant carvings and so forth would perhaps be a distraction and the absence of chairs would make sure that the council reached their decisions somewhat more quickly than otherwise would have been so.
Several persons were there before me. Many were obviously wise lore-masters of the realms, some appeared to be of warrior sort and there were several miscellaneous types.
If there had been a table at which all sat probably at the head of it would have been an old man who seemed wiser and more learned than any of the others there. He stood at the head of the room, more or less.
No one was speaking, and indeed no one spoke until the clock struck two thirty. All seemed waiting for something, and I think that it was to see who would arrive late to the council. Indeed, when thirty seconds later another lore-master arrived rather out of breath and puffing everyone was capable of staring intently at him. But this was short lived for at that moment a messenger arrived, rather out of breath, and stated that he had urgent news of greatest import for great peril was come upon the lands.
I wondered what he would say. At first I thought that perhaps a dark lord had arisen and was about to cover the lands in darkness, but no, I thought, that would not be original enough. Then I thought that perhaps the squirrels of the north were having their acorns stolen from them by a herd of ferocious anteaters but that, though perhaps original, was not quite perilous enough to threaten the realms and lands of the world and trouble the councils of the wise.
Pausing my thought I looked up and wondered why the messenger hadn't spoken and wondered why he had not yet communicated his news. He looked back at me imploringly and coughed nervously as he became increasingly more aware of everyone staring at him.
Then I realized that he was waiting for me to think up what news he was bringing to trouble the councils of the wise. I thought for a moment and then an idea came that both original and perilous enough for the purpose of this book.. Triumphantly I said, "I've got it!" and then blushed while everyone in the council turned an inquiring eye towards me. However they soon transferred their attention back to the messenger who quickly began to communicate the news,
"A ferocious army of thousands of ant eaters are roaming through the lands taking all acorns in sight and devouring them and are no longer interested in their task of keeping down the ant population! Ants are now multiplying rapidly throughout the lands and no more oak trees are beginning to grow! The Mines of Jewels have been flooded by a great spring of water and the nearby chocolate factories have also been engulfed causing the production of chocolate to plummet! And" he paused for breath and to allow the dire news that he had already given a chance to sink in, "And" he began, forgetting that he had already said it, "Two dark lords have arisen and have entered into a competition with each other to see who can conquer more of the free lands of this world first. The winner is to have the hand in marriage of the fair princess Beautifulia the fairest princess in all of the realms!"
At this all of the men present under the age of fifty who were yet unmarried stood to their feet and one, voicing the thought of the rest said, "That is dire news indeed, she is much to fair to be wasted upon a dark lord!"
"Indeed" said the eldest and chief of the wise lore-masters who, by the way, was commonly called the Aged Lore-master, "The news you bring is indeed dire and there is something in it that will bring sorrow to anyone. The loss of acorns will sorrow squirrels, ecologists, foresters, sawmill owners, carpenters, and many others. The excess of ants will be sorrowful news indeed to picnickers and the flooding of the Mines of Jewels will doubtless bring sorrow to all but the jewelers who can now greatly raise their prices and get away with it. The depletion of the chocolate market will also be a tragedy to all, except perhaps those who are trying to go on a diet, And as for the last matter, who of any of the realms would wish the lovely Princess Beautifulia to be forced into a marriage against her will to a dark lord?"
"But what is to be done?" was what most there thought of saying when the Aged Lore-master finished speaking, and eventually, after about ten minutes of trying to appear wise and prudent, somebody finally said it.
"That is what we must decide." was all that the Aged Lore-master would say, at that time.
26/8/05
For several minutes all pondered. Then, at last, one of the young warriors, who seemed surprisingly intelligent for his age, spoke, "I think that the first thing to do would be to defeat the two dark lords and then debate about what is to be done with the other problems"
This was rapidly agreed to and Tom, for so the young warrior was named, was generally applauded for having simplified the situation.
Then silence reigned for another few minutes while all thought only of the problem of the two dark lords. I was growing tired of standing for I do not like standing for long periods of time since my feet will begin to hurt so I sat down on an elegant chair with soft white velvet cushions. Where this chair came from is going to be one of the unexplained mysteries of the book.
Another young warrior, the younger brother of Tom, wished also to say something extremely intelligent that would show those assembled that he was not inferior in intelligence with his brother. So Dick, for that was his name, said, "I think we ought to destroy the two dark lords."
This was a very good statement but it was almost too obvious to have too much fuss made over it. Dick was disappointed but that didn't prevent him from saying, "I suppose there is some way to do it. I know of at least one dark lord who was destroyed by destroying a ring."
"Neither of these dark lords have rings of power." The Aged Lore-master said.
Dick thought for a few more minutes then said, "How about throwing water over them?"
This statement only brought amused glances and raised eyebrows and the Aged Lore-master's comment "I don't think that would work."
"Perhaps we can raise an army and attack them and destroy them by use of the sword?" a tall general asked.
"Possibly," the aged lore-master said, "However one of the dark lords lives in a castle suspended in air and the only way to get there, save by flying, is across a narrow bridge that will only allow one to pass at a time with a drop of over a thousand feet down for those who fall from it. In addition to this he has hoards of fierce and deadly archers on his walls who have never been known to miss. The other dark lord lives, well, actually even I don't know where he dwells or even what he looks like. Which means that it would probably be difficult to find him and I do remember a rumor about his being impervious to any wound given by a sword,"
"In that case he should probably be attacked with some other weapon than a sword." I said. This caused the attention of the council to be drawn towards me and the Aged Lore-master was about to say something, probably to inform me of the rule against chairs, when Harry, the younger brother of Tom and Dick, decided that it was his turn to say something extremely intelligent and unexpected, "I move that we adjourn for supper." he said.
The aged lore-master turned towards him, "It is not yet three o'clock."
"Then let us adjourn for lunch!" Harry undauntedly proposed.
His motion was seconded by one of the miscellaneous characters who was rather large of girth and obviously found of eating and the aged lore-master gave in, probably because one can still think while eating and certainly one can often think better after it.
The council then departed from the council chamber and moved towards the main dining room. A meal was not ready for the cooks had not been expecting that one would be required at that hour but they soon got to work and began preparing something.
All were glad to be seated at the tables. I was seated next to Harry, and he being but a lad of twelve took very little notice of me, unlike Tom and Dick who, not having any food in front of them, were able to occupy there minds with other matters. I haven't decided yet who was sitting on the other side of me or whether there even will be somebody there.
A servitor brought me a glass full of milk and as I sipped this I thought upon the situation. And thus it was, while I drank milk, an idea came that seemed brilliant.
"I have it!" I said. All eyes turned towards me. "It seems that attacking the two dark lords in their present state would be almost hopeless and would certainly cost many lives, and one dark lord we do not even know the location of. What we do know however is that they are willing to fight for the hand of Princess Beautifulia so I propose that we find princess Beautifulia and bring her here, or somewhere, then propose to the two dark lords that the one who wins in single combat will receive her hand in marriage. Then the two dark lords will fight and one will doubtless kill the other and that will solve half of the problem. Then I have no doubt that the other dark lord will be wounded and then as many warriors as it takes could successively challenge him in single combat for the hand of the princess until finally he would be defeated and the princess could marry the victor."
This idea was received with wild enthusiasm by all the warriors who were yet unmarried and who might be able to stand a chance at getting the princess. Nearly everyone else thought it was a good plan. The Aged Lore-master stood up in his chair at the head of the table and said,
"Indeed it is a good plan that you suggest. And as reward for suggesting it I shall appoint you as the leader of the company who shall go go and rescue the princess and bring her back here. You may choose whichever companions you will and if they are willing, they shall go with you. May good fortune be with you." Then the Aged Lore-master sat down and began eating the soup that had just been set in front of him. Soup now being served out to everyone there was silence in the room, except for the sound of slurping.
Harry quickly drained his soup with slightly more noise than anybody else in the room, though his brothers came very close to outdoing him, and then he turned to me and said.
"What about bringing us with you? It sounds like a grand adventure and my brother Tom has always wanted to meet Princess Beautifulia."
"I don't doubt that." I said, for Tom was nineteen and quite old enough to want to meet the most beautiful princess in all the lands. "I suppose the three of you can come with me, but you'll have to behave yourselves."
Harry then turned his attention back to the food in front of him leaving me to my thoughts. I was still a little surprised at being chosen to lead the expedition and I wasn't yet sure of whether or not I was happy about about it. However, I finally said to myself, I was chosen and that was that, unless I wanted to go back and hit the delete button and write in somebody else to lead the expedition. However leading an expedition might be fun. Especially, and here I grinned, since I was the Authoress and might be able to delete any all swarms of mosquitoes or other insects that might come and bother me.
29/8/05
The next thing I thought of was that there had not yet been any sort of a battle yet in the tale and no one had had the opportunity to show their prowess with a sword. As I was pondering this a grey-green monster of large size entered the banquet hall by climbing through the open window that faced towards the east. He then proceeded to roar and begin devouring everything in sight. This would not have been strange, for it was almost what everyone else was doing but instead of eating normal things like meat, soup, and bread the monster was briskly devouring all the tables and chairs, wall coverings and tapestries, statues and miscellaneous furnishings that it was near. Then one of the warriors stood up, right before his chair was devoured, and mentioned that the creature was a Crunchalot and that usually when these fell beasts finished devouring the furnishings they would have the guests for the main course.
This would have caused a panic if one had not already been in process and nearly everyone leapt to their feet and groped for weapons. being that it was a feast most had left their weapons elsewhere so as to not be encumbered with them and some there had none. Many rushed to find weapons. Some quickly grabbed furnishings with the intention of attacking the monster, and some were far too busy eating to notice that anything out of the ordinary was going on. Attacking the monster with furnishings soon proved quite useless for the monster would merely eat what was handed to him and go on about his business.
I was sitting in my seat debating on whether or not I should go forward and slay the monster since I had an excellent sword with which to do it but then again it was probably time for some new character to heroically slay the monster and perhaps then, and here I grinned slightly, they could be appointed to accompany me on the adventure as a reward for slaying the monster. With this decision I sat quiet and looked about expectantly and soon something happened.
The monster was beginning on a rather larger table than usual and one of the occupants sitting at it who had before been too busy eating to notice anything out of the ordinary was suddenly made aware of the situation by finding no table in front of them. The monster then being classified as a menace to diners everywhere the young adventurer stood up and drew her sword and proceeded to attack the monster.
Considering her fondness of eating Rella(the person mentioned in the last sentence) had to have had a very high metabolism rate(if you don't know what that is it would probably prove very educational to look it up.) for she was quite slim but she dealt deadly blows with her great sword and soon the monster would eat no more. Rella then sat down and, after straightening what was left of the table, sat waiting in eager expectation for the next course which came rather swiftly considering the circumstances.
Things now were straightened up and the Queen of the castle was actually more pleased than not for she now had an excellent excuse to redecorate the main banquet hall of the castle. Once those who had gone for weapons had come back and found that they were a little bit too late to do any good had sat down the next course was brought and everybody began eating again.
There were no further interruptions while the main part of the meal lasted but when dessert came with it came a band of "entertainers". Their first act was to sing out in rather unmelodious voices a song that was obviously of their own composition and went to a tune that was rather unpredictable.

The seven seas flow towards the ocean
But they never quite get there
Why they don't we don't care
But it makes a good song.
Tra La La La

The Seven Swans of South Somerset
Sit and sit and sit and sit
And never seem to get
But what we don't know
Tra La La La

The Ice that melts into the glass
Has no sense of what is past
Or even why it's in the glass
And so let's let the question pass
Tra La La La

The feathered starling and spotted thrush
Flit and Fly and Fly and Flit
And tag each other and say "You're It"
And so do we! (We think.)
Tra La La La

The Stars above in the heaven bright
Are shining bright during the night
And light the way for many a knight
Whom we know nothing of
Tra La La La

The song that one sings in a hall so grand
Is often heard by noble guests
While the sun sinks in the west
Which is just as it should be
Tra La La La

Around this point I stopped listening to the song, for it had reached it's conclusion. Many were glad and therefore clapped loudly their approval of it's being over. Others were less enthusiastic in their praise thinking that it might be considered as reflecting on the performance and not the conclusion.
The entertainers thinking that they had sufficient encouragement to continue began to do an acrobatic act which I didn't bother to watch for my attention was busy on savoring the desert in front of me. It was a very delicious chocolate cake of a very rich and sweet consistency. Usually if I ate more than a crumb or two of such a desert it would shortly lead to dire consequences to my health but being that this is a fantasy story... Let us just say that I don't expect any unpleasant results to arrive from my devouring twenty such deserts.
The feast was nearing it's conclusion, especially since it was only supposed to be a light lunch and there was still much business to be done. And that is probably what I should go attend to now as the feast has just reached it's conclusion while I was talking. I approached the Aged Lore-master and stated who I wanted to take on the quest with me and all agreed to go, though some took a slight bit of persuading. Among my choices were Tom, Dick, and Harry, and of course Rella the slayer of the Crunchalot.
Then it was time to begin preparations for departure as I intended to leave the next morning at nine. I don't particularly like waking up early you see, even in fantasy stories.

Chapter Two
The Quest Commences though it sort of did that in the previous chapter
8/30/05
The next morning dawned bright and fair, though I didn't see it do so for I slept far past the dawn. I finally woke up at eight thirty-five and had just enough enough time to quickly dress in an elegant gown of dark green velvet with puffed sleeves and a yard long train, rush through breakfast, and then arrive at the courtyard were the members of the expedition were supposed to meet about five minutes before we were supposed to start.
Everyone else was there already and I was quite glad to see that they all were so punctual. It was the time for a grand setting out speech but since we were supposed to leave in a few minutes and since I hadn't thought up a grand speech to make and since I thought I'd probably have quite a few opportunities for grand speeches later on in the adventure I let the Aged Lore-master make the speech.
"My friends," he said, "You are about set out on a quest to find the Princess Beautifulia whom, we think, is being held a prisoner in the Tower of Nesirp which is far from here. Your purpose will be to find her and bring her back to this place. Though perhaps I err in saying that, your purpose is to bring about the downfall of the two dark lords and should you see a more effective and better way of doing that than the way proposed then by all means do it. Farewell!"
All had listened gravely while he spoke and now all prepared to start. There was no sign of surprise about the shortness of the Aged Lore-master's speech for he had spoken slowly and though he had not said much he had taken a great deal of time to say it.
As the leader of the company I led the way out of the castle and down the road wondering why I hadn't arranged some other sort of transport to the Tower of Nesirp than walking. However, I thought, there may be time enough to alter that.
The day was pleasant, as I think I've already stated, and as I was the one leading we went along at a leisurely pace. Occasionally I would look behind me to make sure that Everybody was there, and he was. Why somebody would name their son Everybody is beyond me but Everybody's parents had. Despite the oddness of his name he was quite an excellent warrior and especially skilled at slaying dragons. He also had a very cheerful disposition and was always trying to find the bright side of things and in keeping with this he was quite glad that he was not named Who or Nobody.
The other companions on the quest were usually there when I looked behind to see if they were. Harry had a tendency to run off the path and investigate berry bushes growing on the side of the road. He would then catch the company up, usually with his hands filled with sweet juicy berries which he ate as walked along.
Perhaps the first of the adventures came when we approached a toll bridge and I realized I'd forgotten to bring any money along with me. However there was a provision for those who had forgotten their money and all we had to do was hop up and down on one leg while rubbing our stomaches and patting our heads and reciting the whole alphabet backwards. Harry was the best at this but Everybody wasn't far behind.
We crossed the bridge and it did not break under the weight of our company and we continued along the way. I was thinking and trying to figure out why I'd forgotten to bring such an important thing as money along with me when I remembered that I'd only been in this story for less than a day and hadn't had time to get any yet. However the matter was soon taken care of for a strange bird that seemed to be a cross between an eagle and a greenback dropped a pouch full of money in front of me and knowing that it was done very intentionally and for my benefit I picked it up and went on more confidently.
We had been going on for about three hours when it was agreed unanimously by the company that it was time for lunch. We halted. We wanted to begin eating lunch but no lunch appeared. I realized that money was not the only the thing I'd forgotten to bring for I had not brought any food with me. Apparently nobody else, with the exception of Harry who had already eaten what he'd brought, had brought any food with him.
The thoughts of the company once this discovery was made were somewhat diverse. Some thought that there must have been some bungling in the planning of the expedition. Some thought "I'm hungry". Some didn't think at all. And a few thought that doubtlessly this seeming oversight was all part of the plan and nothing to be worried about at all. In fact, the last thought was more or less correct because I did plan it this way, though the story me didn't know about it, because I enjoy going shopping and I hadn't gotten to yet in the book.
The company began marching again. We were journeying in a somewhat hilly and wooded terrain and the road twisted and wound a great deal. And, after approximately the next bend in the road, we saw it. It nearly took our breath away for it was a large store which seemed to be like fantasy equivalent of a WAL-MART Supercenter. It was called The Mega Adventurer's Supply Center. We entered.
I went straight to the footwear section after leisurely perusing the beautiful gowns section, the fabric section, the sword section, and the toy section. I soon selected a pair of sturdy brown leather boots that were very comfortable since the dainty slippers I had been wearing had high heels and were rather uncomfortable for walking in.
Then I proceeded to the clothing section and selected some garments more suited to adventuring, amongst them a rather full green skirt, a brown vest, and a cream colored blouse with short puffed sleeves.
Next I decided to enter the section of the store that had packs. I really didn't relish the idea of having to carry a great weight of supplies on my back but as we would probably be facing many perils and perhaps be in places were no stores were, it was a necessary evil. I looked at large packs and small packs and leather packs and cloth packs and back packs and side bags, but couldn't find anything that I wanted to carry. Until finally, I found it. Hidden away in corner was a pack that I fell in love with almost at once.
The pack was on clearance because it had accidently been shipping to the wrong store, it had been intended for the Mega Galactic Adventurer's Supply Center and had come to the Mega Adventurer's Supply Center by accident and since the cost of freight between the Fantasy and Science Fiction worlds was ridiculously high... Well suffice it say, it was there, though it wasn't going to be for long.
The main really nice thing about this pack was the anti-gravity mechanism on the bottom which would completely equalize any weight(up to a certain point which I'm not mentioning because it would be too many zeros to write down, suffice it to say it was somewhat close to infinity) that was placed on it so that the person bearing the pack would feel almost no weight at all. That was enough for me to decide to buy it and the additional features were just icing on the cake.
Perhaps the nicest additional feature was the adjustable seat that would fold down for the person carrying the back to sit on and the jet propulsion units which would enable one to merely sit and have a ride instead of walking. The pack was solar powered, however in case of being in places were there wasn't any sun it would also run off water, carbon dioxide, salt, and acorns.
I now felt that I really didn't need limit my purchases as much as I had thought necessary before purchasing the pack and I went about more cheerfully. I decided to attend to more important business first and sensibly went to the food section to purchase quite a lot of food that would last indefinitely and still taste good. In the small refrigerating unit of my pack I placed a lot of milk that I bought. I like drinking milk.
After taking care of my food supplies I went back around the store and continued looking around in blissful enjoyment until Rella found me and mentioned that it was getting dark outside and it was probably time to set up camp. I was surprised to hear this and as we walked towards the exit of the store I stopped and bought a watch. Time flies when you are having fun.
8/31/05
I soon had rejoined my companions who had set up camp a short distance away from the store. All had made some sort of purchases for the journey but none had had quite my shopping success.
"Well, what now?" I said. They looked at me in a way that clearly expressed that I was the one to think of it. This somewhat of a problem for though I had foreseen shopping and planned to do so beyond that event I had thought but little, and other than the fact that I would probably be rescuing the Princess Beautifulia from the Tower of Nesirp. However shadows were lengthening now and it was probable that staying were we were might be a good idea and yet we hadn't really traveled very far that day.
I looked at my companions but they really didn't inspire me to make a decision. I then looked back towards the Mega Adventurer's Super store and I saw that their outdoor lawn and garden section also had a section for horses. That decided me. I could do some more shopping and then we could ride on our way and make up for lost time. I suggested that we go look at mounts and few had objections.
As we walked over towards that section I began thinking that that perhaps my mandatory type-one-page-a-day rule was turning out some rather unfunny stuff but then I considered that this was an adventure story and did not necessarily have to be funny.
There were enough good horses to mount our company but Tom, who wished to show his intelligence, suggested that we should try to get something faster for mounts. Dick, also wishing to show is intelligence, suggested that humming birds were very fast creatures. Harry however was more practical than his brother and pointed out the eagles.
These trained mounts were quite excellent in points of speed and endurance being far larger than common eagles of our time however, as I pointed out, they really wouldn't do because in the works of Tolkien eagles were quite frequently used for transporting characters and it would probably be borrowing too much to use them now.
Harry continued to supply arguments in favor of his decision by stating that Tolkien's characters went on quests and after all there was a dark lord about to take over everything in this story too.
I replied by stating that in this story we have not one but two dark lords, plus armies of acorn eating anteaters and that so far I was attempting to be slightly original, or at least increasing quantities until things did become original.
We probably would have gone on for quite some in this manner if just at that moment two dragons hadn't swooped down started attacking us.
Debates of originality and mounts were stopped for a moment while we took care of business and we probably would have swiftly dispatched the dragons if Rella, wishing to prove that she was not deficient in intelligence, suggested that we use the dragons for mounts.
This was much easier said than done. For one thing there really wasn't a comfortable place to sit on the dragons and for another thing the dragons seemed intent on trying to have us for lunch, or supper rather since it was evening. However the dragons were free and doubtlessly an exceptional bargain and since I have seldom been able to resist exceptional bargains I agreed.
As leader of the company I decided it was probably up to me to tame the dragons, especially since my conscience told me that I hadn't really done very much to aid the company since my becoming leader.
Drawing my sword I began waving it about slowly and methodically while saying "You are getting very sleepy." It didn't seem to work and the dragons continued fighting. I then proceeded onto my next method.
4/9/05
Thinking that perhaps reverse psychology might work I told them not to let us get on them and take us wherever we wanted to go, and they didn't! I was trying to think of another method to use, but I couldn't. I could use the power of an authoress to make the dragons suddenly tame and friendly but I really didn't want to do that because, if I made things too easy for the company, the story might be a little less interesting, not to mention much shorter.
Thinking about length made me wonder whether a long bit of epic poetry might subdue the dragons to our will, or perhaps bore them into a trance like state. However I didn't really think I knew any epic poetry so I decided to recite this instead,

Two little dragons, oh so sweet.
Two little dragons, such a treat.
Though we don't want them to eat
But merely as a rest for weary feet.

Two little dragons, won't you stop?
Two little dragons, your quarrel drop
And on your backs let us hop
Whilst your wings gently flop

"Two little dragons..." I was about to begin another verse when the two rather large dragons turned in my direction and roared a roar filled with fire to indicate their disgust at being called "Little" and "Sweet". I stopped using my poetry and felt quite glad that there was an anti-flame device on my pack which prevented my from getting burned, or even singed.
However the fire preventer/sprinkler system was alerted by the flames to turn on, and it did so, and in a few moments two very wet and very dejected dragons were still being soaked. They didn't like water you see.
I then offered them, in exchange for a promise of good behavior and taxi services, an umbrella and they in their desperation agreed and in a few minutes more our company was off.
We split our company fairly evenly between the two dragons. Rella, who seemed to be very accustomed to dragons, took charge of one whilst I took charge of the other. I really didn't care to have the front and commanding position of the dragon, especially since it was so uncomfortable not to mention wet for the dragons hadn't dried off yet, but from the various groans and complaints emitted from behind me I judged that the other seats weren't much more comfortable.
The dragons flew off in the direction of the Tower of Nesirp and I hoped that they were fast flyers and could get there soon.
In comparison to a snail or even an elephant the dragons could move along at a pretty good rate of speed. In comparison to a an airplane which one would go to the air port and get on and then two hours later arrive after your flight and be over 1,000 miles away from where you were, the dragons were relatively slow.
The moon was not yet at it's full, which is probably a good thing because it would be a pity to waste a full moon on an unromantic and bumpy flight on a dragon. However the moon would soon be full and probably would be full by the time we reached Princess Beautifulia though I wasn't sure of that. I didn't know how far away the legendary Tower of Nesirp was, or even in which direction it lay! This thought disquieted me but the dragons seemed to know where they were going and Nobody seemed to think we were going in the right direction and he was considered to be quite an authority on geography. Nobody and Everybody were rather great friends, and their friendship was primarily cemented by the fact that they both had somewhat unusual names. Personally I thought that the name Xanderfuluff was a more unusual name than Everybody and Nobody but as nobody named Xanderfuluff was among the present company I don't think I'll mention the name any further.
5/9/05
The dragons continued flying on in the direction that they were going in. Far below us we could briefly hear the mournful wail of a Gypsy singing a sad song but all the words we could catch were burning, moonbeams, stew, campfire, and dumplings. What the song was about I really couldn't figure out but soon I had other things on my brain.
For one thing a phalanx of flying swans was flying in more or less the same direction as us and one of the swans decided to perch on my head and take a break. Most of the swans, however, decided to leave the vicinity of us after one of the dragons altered his course slightly in order to grab a light snack but the swan on my head stayed put, perhaps because it was tired or perhaps because it thought that it was out of reach of the dragons there.
I was beginning to be tired of having a swan perched on my head and was about to give it a hint to be off when it spoke. "I am Plenora the Swan of Great Wisdom. Whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?"
"I am Elizabeth Von Fange of the Many Talents." I said in reply, hoping that I was the one the swan was addressing.
"Then, Elizabeth Von Fange of the Many Talents, I have a bit of news for you."
"What is it?" I asked after a pause of three minutes during which I was trying to figure out if it was my turn to say something.
"It is about your quest!" the swan said in an awe inspiring voice. "Before untying the white cockatoo you should first feed the spotted parrot!"
"What?" I said in a puzzled voice.
The swan hopped off my head and positioned itself so that it could look me in the eye then said, "Didn't you receive your instructions from the old Thrush?"
"No," I said, "I was sent on this mission by the Aged Lore-master."
"But aren't you seeking the lost Birdfeeder of Gnitea?"
"No," I said again, "I'm trying to destroy two dark lords."
"Well, pardon me!" The swan said in an almost pompous tone, "There seems to be a case of mistake identity here. Goodbye." Then it flew off rather briskly in another direction and I was not exactly sorry to see it go.
I then began wondering whether or not there was another Elizabeth Von Fange of the Many Talents around and if that actually was my title. Perhaps technically I was Elizabeth Joy Von Fange the Authoress of this story instead of Elizabeth Von Fange of the Many Talents but I did like the idea of being both.
My thoughts, however, were interrupted by Rella flying her dragon next to me and asking when I planned to halt for the night. This I hadn't quite thought about yet so I asked her about how long she thought we should keep on going that night. Rella replied,
"It's better to journey in the morning instead of late at night."
"Yes," said Dick, "After all, early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."
'"Well," I said looking ahead into the plains below, "I think we'll stay at that inn there." I said pointing to a large one a short distance ahead, "Hopefully they'll have stabling for dragons."
"And hopefully the dragons will stay there." was said, but I'm not quite sure who said it though I suspect it was Tom showing his wisdom off but it might have been someone else.
We landed without great difficulty and all were very glad to get off the dragons. I went into the inn and inquired about accommodations. As it wasn't the height of the traveling season there were enough accommodations for us. A meal was prepared and we all ate then all went to bed.
I was about to drift off to sleep when I realized with an uncomfortable feeling that though I was now at a good point for the end of Chapter Two and the beginning of Chapter Three I really hadn't written enough page wise to merit this.
But I was tired and when one is tired one will(if that one is me) sometimes just wait until the next morning to fix the situation.
6/9/05
The next morning arrived with a bang, or to be more specific Rella was knocking loudly on my door. I said, "What?" in a sleepy tone as I slowly opened my eyes.
"The dragons are gone!" Rella yelled through the door.
"What Dragons?" I was about to say when I moved and found that I was quite sore and then I remembered we'd been riding on dragons the previous night.
"Good." I said without thinking any further and I was about to go back to sleep when Rella's voice said, "It's time to get up! The dawn has come and the day is begun."
I got up and dressed and grabbed my pack and opened the door a few minutes later. It does not take one long to get ready if one doesn't undress much and if one doesn't unpack at all. Fortunately this being a fantasy story my hair always managed to remain untangled in the morning.
"So the dragons are gone." I said in a calm and thoroughly wide awake tone of voice.
"Yes," Rella said in a somewhat exasperated tone, "I went out to see them this morning and get them ready for todays journey and they were gone!"
"I suppose we'll have to get some new mounts then." I said.
"That or walk." Rella said. She then walked off and I think that she was thinking that I was not the wisest or most apt leader for the quest that we were on and that I stated the obvious too much.
I didn't mind that she didn't think very grandly of me, primarily because being the authoress of the story I had some vague ideas about what was going to be happening to Rella throughout the story and I grinned slightly at the irony of situations that might possibly arise.
Then I went downstairs to see about breakfast, mounts, and find out if I could where the Tower of Nesirp was. I decided to do the first and last of these things first. I ordered breakfast and purchased a map at the inn's store.
While eating I studied the map. The Tower of Nesirp wasn't on it so I went back to the store and bought a book entitled, "Factual Facts about Mythical Myths" and proceeded to try and found information about the Tower of Nesirp in that.
I did find out some information about the Tower of Nesirp. According to the book, though the exact location of the tower was not known, it presumably was on the top of a very steep mountain and could not be reached by climbing. Presumably there was a large desert around the solitary mountain on which the Tower of Nesirp was. There were several other facts about the tower but I was primarily concerned at the moment with figuring out where it was so I looked on my map for solitary mountains surrounded by deserts and I found two of them on the map. One was to the south and the other was to the north, approximately, of the inn were I was now at. I was trying to figure out which way we had been going the previous night by the position of the sun the previous day but I wasn't figuring it out I suddenly remembered that I just needed to see where the castle was that we had started out from to figure out what direction we had been going in. Our starting point was to the south so I decided that it was possible that the Northern Lonely Mountain was probably the mountain that the Tower of Nesirp was on.
Carefully stowing the map and the book in my pack I finished eating my breakfast and paid for it then set out to look for some new mounts. Since the mountain was unclimbable and the dessert on the map looked very wide a mount that could fly would doubtless be the best choice. However winged mounts are very seldom comfortable and I wanted to ride a bit more comfortably and since the dessert was quite a ways away and since there probably would be more opportunities of getting new mounts and since there were plenty of good roads for a great distance ahead I went to look at the carriages.
There were a few wheeled vehicles for sale in the village and I looked at them all carefully and judged their merits and the comfortableness of their seats, their suspension, and their relative prices, and I finally decided on buying two of them.
Next it was time to get some horses to draw them but that proved to be a slightly more difficult matter. I had gotten a good bargain on both the carriages and I soon found out why... there was a shortage of horses! In fact shortage wasn't really the word for it, their simply weren't any horses. Apparently three days ago twelve Trolls of Toadulla had come into the village and stolen all of the horses and drove them off and there were few left in the village and those were not for sale.
This proved to be a slight challenge however one of villagers, the blacksmith, informed me that he could give me an excellent price on horseshoes if I wanted them. I said "How much?" since I really am not very good at resisting an excellent bargain and he told me and I bought a set of four horseshoes and he threw in an extra one for good measure.
I had before been informed which way the Twelve Trolls of Toadulla had gone with the horses and I followed that way for a bit until I saw one of the Trolls of Toadulla taking a nap while leaning against an oak tree. I threw one of the horse shoes I had just bought and hit him on the head with it, hard enough to wake him up but not hard enough to make him unconscious.
He looked up at me and said, "Wot you want?"
And I said, "I want something to draw two carriages I just bought along the road for about three hundred miles north from here. I think you can do it so you'd better come along and make yourself useful or else I'll make all of your worst nightmares come true and I can do it since I am Elizabeth Joy Von Fange, the Authoress."
The troll looked as unhappy and frightened as though I'd already carried my threat into effect and he got up and followed me back to where the two carriages I had bought were and I proceeded to hitch one of the carriages to the other and then the troll grabbed the harness of the first carriage and then pulled it to the inn as meekly and mildly as a very meek and mild sort of creature that is meek and mild. I'd say lamb but some lambs are certainly not as meek and mild as reports make them.
9/7/05
We arrived outside the inn and I got out of the carriage and walked inside. The large clock inside showed that it was eight o'clock. I was shocked! Typically I wasn't even awake at that hour but to have eaten breakfast and gone shopping and done everything else I'd done so far that morning was highly unusual for me. Even if I hadn't captured a troll it would have been unusual.
This being the case there was just one thing on my mind to do, go back up to my room and sleep for another hour and a half:) After all, I'm only sixteen and I need my sleep.
I went back up to my room and crawled back into bed and shut my eyes and as I drifted off I thought that this would probably be an excellent place to end chapter two so I think I'll do that.

The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange Written by Elizabeth Joy Von Fange (who else?) Part Two or Chapters Three and Four

Chapter Three
In which we might possibly make it to the Tower of Nesirp but I might be mistaken
9/8/05
I woke up promptly at nine thirty and got up and went downstairs. Most of the company was in the common room and one or two were in the gift shop browsing and I was informed that the rest were waiting in the carriage.
I paid the bill, gathered up the company, decided not to take a final look inside the giftshop as that probably would have delayed our starting for several minutes, and then got into the front carriage.
Everyone else loaded inside and soon we were started.
The troll could go along at a very good pace and the miles went by. I had pulled out my map and as I relaxed back against the soft cushions I thought that this was far more comfortable than riding on a dragon. I looked once more on the road we probably would be following.
According to the map the road we were now on went Northward for some distance, three hundred miles approximately, until it arrived at a large city on the edge of the desert which encircled the steep mountain where the Tower of Nesirp presumably was. At the large city I hoped to obtain flying mounts and possibly sell the two carriages for a profit and then continue on to the Tower of Nesirp.
My thoughts were interrupted by a voice that said, "This really isn't the way adventurers are supposed to travel on epic quests."
I looked up, it was Marcus who had spoken. He prided himself on being both an official lore-master and a captain of the guard and he was a great authority on tales of olden times and lore.
"Well," I said in reply, "At least then it's original."
"I don't think it is." He said rather bluntly.
I looked back at him. Personally I would have found him a great deal more interesting if he had been young and handsome instead of in his mid forties and rather unpleasant looking. Plus there was the fact that he very seldom agreed with any opinion but his own to heighten his unpleasantness.
"Well, at least the seats are comfortable." I said and turned back to my map.
"I've sat on more comfortable."
"So have I." I said.
"I doubt it." he said.
"I'm not sure what to say to that." I said.
"You don't often seem to be sure of what to say."
"On the contrary, I often have quite a lot to say."
"But it usually doesn't have anything to do with important things."
"I've spoken of important things before."
"When?"
"My, that actually wasn't a disagreeing remark." I said.
"It was meant to be." he said.
At this point I grinned for without having written many words I had used up quite a bit of space. Apparently the fact that I was enjoying the conversation put Marcus out of temper and he remained silent. It might have been that he stayed silent because he had gotten the last word but either way it was rather nice to return to my own thoughts. Nice, but slightly boring to read about.
And of course when things get boring other things often happen to make them stop being boring, that or things just continue on being boring but I think I'm losing the thread of the tale in this discussion of boring.
A few minutes after Marcus had grown quiet there was a loud noise outside and I poked my head out of the carriage to see what had happened. What I saw was that we had just been surrounded by horsemen who looked as though they were probably thieves and outlaws. From their words I gathered that my guess was probably a good one for their leader shouted,
"Give us your goods and valuables, and make it snappy!"
"The only thing you shall get from us is the edges of our swords!" Marcus said very defiantly as he leapt out of the carriage with his sword drawn. All the other members of our company, except me, who had swords now drew them and for a moment there was tense silence until Dick asked, "How do we take the edges off our swords to give it to them?"
There was some very poorly suppressed laughter at this amongst both the members of our company and the outlaws which was heightened into a roar at the look of puzzled bewilderment on Dick's face.
Rella saved the situation by stepping forward with her sword and said, "This is what he meant." and slashed at one of the thieves who blocked the stroke with the edge of his sword.
In a few minutes I doubt not that a raging battle would have been going on and just about everybody would have gotten badly wounded and some perhaps would have become deceased but my Mother doesn't exactly like gore and violence and since she might possibly read this book I think I'll save the gore and violence for later on in the book or possibly in the extended edition. If there is any that is. For those of you who want it you can keep on hoping and for those of you who don't you also can keep on hoping.
Just as Rella's blade had been stopped on the blade of one of the thieves there was a mighty rumble and the ground shook. Every eye turned and looked towards the north for down the road there came a cloud of dust and in it could faintly be glimpsed strange figures. I looked at them as intently as I could and then I looked down at the road and then up at the twelve oak trees that were overshadowing the road.
"Get off the road!" I suddenly shouted.
Conveniently the thieves all went to the left side of the road while all of our company went to the right side of the road so the two sides were nicely split up when the army of anteaters arrived and begin eating all of the acorns that had fallen from the oak trees. I think that acorns grown on oak trees but if they don't then in this world they do.
I thought that this would probably as good as time as any to go on our way so I told everybody to get back in the carriages and we set off leaving the thieves behind surrounded by the anteaters who were briskly feasting.
"Well, that was exciting." I said.
"No it wasn't." Marcus said.
I did not answer.
Silence continued on as we went speeding on our way again. I hoped that there wasn't a speed limit that we were breaking but I didn't think that there was.
As the miles continued to pass by I began wondering about things that could happen to break three hundred miles worth of monotony. However I found that leaning back and taking a nap was much more interesting.
I was woken up by Harry who informed me in a rather loud whisper that since I was the leader of the company I was the one who was supposed to state when it was time for lunch and that now would be an excellent time for lunch. I agreed with Harry and proposed stopping for lunch and since nobody objected we stopped for lunch. The troll was especially glad to stop. He was getting a bit tired of pulling us.
"About how far do you think we've come?" I said.
"From what point?" Rella said.
"From the inn this morning." I replied.
"A long way." the troll mumbled, though he didn't say it nearly as intelligibly as I've written it.
"At least two inches." Dick said, attempting to show off his wisdom.
"Yes," said Rella, "we have certainly gone at least two inches." She said it slightly exasperatedly while looking at Dick with a rather wondering look in her eyes.
"We've gone at least twenty miles." Marcus said with firm conviction.
The troll mumbled something here but since he couldn't understand a word of it Marcus was unsure whether it was an agreement or disagreement or was just some strange sort of noise so he didn't argue his point further.
Indeed, nearly everybody's attention was now focused on one thing, lunch. It was now about one o clock in the afternoon so certainly a good time for lunch, if not perhaps a little late for it.
I ate plenty and drank some of the milk from the refrigerating unit in my pack. I knew I ought to be sparring with this supply as it would not last me forever and I might not have that many chances of replenishing it but I thought that since I was the authoress I could always write in a cow or two if the situation became urgent and fortunately several persons in the company knew how to milk a cow which was a good thing because I didn't.
It didn't rain while we were eating lunch, nor did hordes of acorn eating anteaters show up to bother our repast, but quite a lot of ants showed up. I don't like insects very much and naturally I don't like ants very much.
I was wondering about what to do to keep the ants away when Tom, Dick, and even Harry, stopped eating to take care of the menace. Everyone else seemed either too terrified of the ants to do anything, like me, or too proud of their toughness to show that the ants bothered them at all, like Marcus though I'm not quite sure that he was bothered by the ants but he certainly didn't show it.
Tom pulled out a small wooden flute and began playing a merry dance tune and he danced about squashing as many ants as possible beneath his big feet. Dick kept time with two pots that he banged together and he and Harry, who also was busy squashing ants, sang a song about the squashing of ants. It was quite a good song and very effective but it wouldn't be as impressive as it was if I wrote it down.
Once the ants were taken care of they sat down again and began making up for lost time on their lunches but I said, "Thank you", and surprisingly enough Rella said the same thing at the same moment I said it and while I was looking at all three in general her eyes were on Dick. Possibly this was because he had just stuffed an entire slice of bread, thickly covered with peanut butter, into his mouth but it may have been for other reasons. And yes, in this particular strange and distant land of fantasy, they do have peanut butter. Jelly however, much to my sorrow, hasn't yet been invented but it probably will be eventually.
9/9/05
Now that every one could pay attention to their food, pay attention they did. Nothing of great interested happened for the duration of the meal and once it was over everything was packed packed up and we started again. The troll had not been forgotten and he had a splendid lunch, though perhaps it wasn't what he normally ate.
Once everyone was in the troll started off again and we proceeded on our way. Although I wasn't absolutely sure about it I thought that we might have gone twenty miles in about three hours and we had about three hundred miles to go on this road and let me see, three hundred divided by twenty equals about fifteen times three hours approximately equals about forty-five hours minus the three we've already traveled equals a headache from doing all of that math. At any rate I estimated that we probably had forty-two hours of traveling left to do.
Now it was time for a serious debate. Should I perhaps speed up this tale by merely saying, "After a few mild and unimportant adventures they arrived at their destination", or should I perhaps write out the mild and unimportant adventures or should I perhaps have lots of important and exciting adventures happen or should nothing happen at all?
Out of this one thing was pretty easy to decide, the last option was not the one to go with. However the idea of speeding up the trip did not seem to be a bad one. I looked out of the window at the troll and wondered just how fast he could go. It would indeed be nice if we could reach the city on the edge of the desert, or Tresed as it was named, that evening.
I decided then to tell the troll something so I spoke, "If you can get us to Tresed by sundown tonight you shall at once be set free and what's more I'll give you a Snerfulang."
Don't ask me what a Snerfulang is, I don't know myself and I even had one to give to the troll. But I do know this, Trolls love Snerfulangs and consider having one to be a great symbol of their status as higher beings(a debatable position) and will run very quickly in order to get one so it was actually an hour before sundown when we arrived at the great city of Tresed and Everybody was quite glad for he was suffering from motion sickness, as indeed was most of the company. One or two actually kissed the ground when they got out once we had stopped.
I gave the troll the Snerfulang and he took it and went back down the road and I highly doubt I'll see that troll again, or want to.
I looked at the city. We were just outside the gates, which were quite large by the way as the wall surrounding the city was very great. The architecture was quite massive and the city looked as though it had come out of an Arabian Nights tale.
Leaving the two carriages behind we took our luggage and entered into the city. As we walked along
9/12/05
I wondered where exactly the bazaars were and whether or not they might possibly have lovely silks and satins, flying carpets, jewels, and perhaps a fan or two. The weather was rather hot in Tresed in case I haven't mentioned that before.
We walked along and I looked about me. There were many sights to see and the architecture was quite interesting. My mother, father, and brothers all doubtlessly would have had their cameras out taking pictures but one of my brothers probably would have been bored for in this large city of dessert dreams there were no sports cars. I however was more interested in going shopping than looking at the sights so I didn't pay attention to them and certainly couldn't describe them.
Eventually I decided to ask for directions. "Stores" didn't get me much but "Shopping" got me more and "Bazaar" got me quite a lot of directions. Primarily I was informed about an excellent shop where candles were sold by the brother of the person I had inquired for directions from. He insisted on leading us there personally and I had to buy quite a few candles before we could finally get rid of the fellow however I think that the tip I gave him was quite effective in that department.
I was now in the main shopping district of the city and my attention was captivated. Several items caught my eye and caused me to pause and admire them, a pretty necklace here, and exceptionally gorgeous silk scarf, a jeweled hair brush, but it wasn't until I reached a merchant who was selling fans that I made a purchase. I bought several fans and then proceeded to walk around with one in my hand fanning myself. Since I hadn't read the owners manual for my backpack I was unaware that it had a portable air-conditioning system built into it.
After about an hour of wandering about I finally decided it was time to look in earnest for a winged mount. However before doing that I had to look for Earnest who had somehow managed to get lost in the crowd. I suppose I should have been surprised to find that he was the only one to have gotten lost for when I shop I move about somewhat unpredictably, often stopping for long periods of time to look at something and often walking quickly through crowed areas threading my way through crowds and obstacles in the quickest possibly manner.
Harry was the one who spotted Earnest while eating a stick of candy. I leave it to the grammarians to decide who technically is eating the stick of candy but since Harry was twelve and fond of food and Earnest was twenty and not overly fond of candy and instead being fond of reading and studios matters I would suspect it was Harry who was eating the candy.
Once we were all together again it was time to look for a conveyance across the desert and up the unclimbable mountain to the Tower of Nesirp. A flying carpet sounded like the best option since one usually didn't need to feed them and they typically didn't need any water and typically one could sit down on them and that would save one from the necessity of walking.
However at the moment we did have to walk quite a ways. We entered just about every shop that sold anything like a carpet for every time I asked for directions or ideas where to find a flying carpet whoever I asked the directions of would usually nod their head yes and say that they knew exactly what I wanted and then would lead me to the shop of a relation which didn't have a flying carpet but had a lot of other things in it. This was beginning to get a bit monotonous until one of the persons I asked for directions led me into a shop that was full of elegant silks, satins, and fabrics of all of types and makes.
I was enthralled and wandered about looking at everything in a happy dream. The others were less happy than I and seeing that they seemed likely to disturb me and perhaps prevent a large sale the store keeper with a large grin came forward and began a tale. Since I was just browsing when he started I heard the first part,
"Many years ago when the first Caliph of Holfor came to rule the city of Holfor there came to his courts a great story teller who said thus to him, 'Oh great Caliph of Holfor, a tale I would tell the about the treasure of the Setting Sunrise. Far away in the mountains of...'"
At this moment I came across some crimson satin and was lost to about everything else when I saw that it was marked on sale. When I had time to listen to the story again I heard.
"So the Jinn said unto the camel, 'I do not grant wishes to the idle.' and the camel replied to the Jinn, 'Idle I am not. I shall prove it to you. In this very hour I shall spin about eight times and behold, when I cease there shall be a hump upon my back.' The camel did even as he said and when he had ceased there was indeed a hump upon his back, just as there had been when he had started, and the Jinn said, ''Verily, thou hast proven that thou are not idle but...'"
This time it was some yellow silk that made me inattentive and when I had finished looking at that there were some other silks and then it was a brocade and another lovely fabric and then another and it was probably at least a half hour later that I paid attention to the story and that was only after paying for many, many yards of fabric. Seeing that I was now done and another customer was entering the store the merchant must have thought that it was time for his tale to end so he seemed to conclude it very hastily,
"'Thus it was that the mouse consumed not only the cheese but the salted nuts as well' the wine merchant said concluding his story to the sailer. Mohulonous the sailer went on his way with these words in his ears and ate no more poisoned fish. 'Great wisdom indeed in the tale' said the young prince to the aged fisherman as he finished speaking, "But how is it to help me win the princess?". "Eat no poisoned fish." the fisherman said and then was silent. The prince then went on his way and ate no poisoned fish unlike the other suiters of the princess who all did so and died and thus at long last the prince gained that which he sought by paying heed to the words of a wise man. 'An excellent tale indeed,' the Jinn said unto the camel, 'but it still doesn't prove to me that I should turn you into a prince.' 'If I have not a hump when I turn about eight times then verily I deserve not to be prince' the camel said and proceeded to turn about eight times after which he still had a hump but then fell down with dizziness from doing it so many times. 'Thus', said the old hermit to the peasant, 'the moral of this tale is that those who wouldst use the same method over and over again to trick others into giving them what they desire are only setting themselves up for a fall'. The peasant lad agreed and went his way and tricked no more the seven guards of the Caliphs palace but ate his bread in peace until the end of his days. 'And you council me then not to seek for the treasure of the Setting Sunrise' Ahmed said to the lore-master. 'Most heartily do I advise it,' he said, 'for the treasure shall never be found again in this age of the world.' 'And that is the end of my tale' the great storyteller said to the Caliph of Holfor. And it is also the end of my tale as well" the merchant said. "May its wisdom go with you and may you return and shop here again," he said with a polite bow. We left.
I was wondering what he was talking about but everyone else seemed to think that his story had made sense and Ernest said, "I shall be certain to avoid eating poisoned fish for I..." He didn't finish his sentence for at that moment there was a loud noise of trumpets and it was announced that the streets needed to be cleared for the beautiful Princess Scheherize, whose dowry was the one and only flying carpet in the great city of Tresed, was going forth from the palace.
I now knew who had a flying carpet but it probably wouldn't be obtainable by purchase. We stepped off the main street but remained watching as the gates opened and out came the beautiful Princess Scheherize. She was very beautiful and Earnest especially noticed this though his only comment at the time was, "I'm definitely not going to eat any poisoned fish."
Those hopeless romantics out there reading this story will probably have little difficulty in figuring out a way for us to get a flying carpet since the flying carpet is the dowry of a beautiful princess and Earnest conveniently is in love with her already.
However since it has been some time since I wrote in some practical and realistic advice in here I shall now mention that when it comes to love and matrimony being in a great rush is typically not a good idea. One should get to know as friends first the person one is interested in. Carefully one should study and see whether the morals and standards of the other person are compatible with one's one. One should in fact take a great deal of time and care in make sure that it really is the person one wants to spend one's life with before getting married or perhaps even before proposing. The whole process indeed may take many years and should not be begun too soon.
But in fairytales and I suppose fantasy stories as well, reality and proper methods of doing things are often ignored in order to not bore the reader or slow down the story. And in the case of this story since in two years if nobody did anything about it one of the dark lords would probably have conquered the lands and all of the free peoples of the earth, and probably the army of anteaters as well, and would have married the Princess Beautifulia and would have doubtlessly covered the lands in darkness and probably would have been preparing to celebrate his two year anniversary as the undisputed tyrant of the lands, reality and common sense and excellent forethought and planning may perhaps be cast aside in order to prevent such dire events from happening.
This being said it is probably no wonder that just as the litter carrying Princess Scheherize passed by all of the slaves carrying it simultaneously tripped on loose stones in the road and so shook the litter that Princess Scheherize fell out on the side closest to us and Earnest quickly rushed forward and caught her in his arms and as she looked up into his eyes which were gazing deeply into hers Princess Scheherize said, "My Hero!" then Earnest devotedly murmured, "My Love!" and I felt fairly certain that I had just written a run-on sentence and that it was high time to put in a period so here one is.
As it would probably be good plan to leave at daybreak the next morning in order to cross the desert and perhaps come to the Tower of Nesirp the next day it was decided, primarily by me The Authoress, that the wedding of Princess Scheherize and Earnest should take place that evening. It did so and there was a grand feast to celebrate it and we all had a chance to examine the flying carpet which fortunately looked large enough to hold all of us.
We stayed the night at the royal palace. The next morning we learned that the flying carpet was typically used as the going away vehicle for the honeymoon and there was a slight bit of bother before everything was fixed by Earnest stating that our quest would be his honeymoon and fortunately for us the lovely Princess Scheherize was much to much in love with him to suggest anything else so we finally got off before the sun had risen much past the rim of the earth.
According to my pocket map the direction we were supposed to head from the city in order to arrive at the unclimbable mountain was almost due north with a little east thrown in for good measure.
I was quite glad that Princess Scheherize was going with us for she was the only one who knew how to steer the flying carpet. Earnest explained to her about our mission and she said that she was very glad of it for otherwise they wouldn't have met she thoroughly expounded on the subject for some time.
This was boring to some of the company, like Marcus and Harry, but it was quite interesting to me and I actually thought that Rella got the sort of expression on her face that one might get when one watches a romantic love scene in a movie and thinks that one would like that sort of thing too.
The carpet moved along quite quickly and I could see that even though we sailed quite high above the desert that we stirred the sands beneath us when we passed over.
Most of us were busy looking for the mountain but for quite a few hours we didn't see any sign of anything that might be a mountain.
9/14/05
Finally far off in the distance we saw a peak that seemed quite small at first but steadily got a bigger.
No one spoke, all were looking at the peak and seeing whether or not there was a tower on it. I was fairly certain that there was going to be a tower on the unclimbable mountain, though I was a bit unsure as to whether or not it was going to be the correct tower. After all, I didn't really know where the Tower of Nesirp was and this was just a guess and in the title of this chapter I had left things fairly open.
We swiftly were brought towards the mountain by the flying carpet Not wishing to draw on the suspense of the moment I shall say that we soon landed safely in the courtyard of the large tower that was on top of the mountain, which certainly looked unclimbable, and we were quite pleased to see a banner which read "Welcome to the Tower of Nesirp" but we weren't too pleased to see the two evil dragons who were holding the banner while a third dragon told us in a snaky cold voice that we had just arrived in time for lunch. Harry, showing his incomparable wisdom, said that it wasn't yet noon and therefore was to early for lunch.
The dragon replied with wicked glee, "Anytime can be time for lunch." Harry liked this idea and promptly started eating some of his snacks he'd brought but the dragons began looking at us as though they were considering the best way to prepare their meal.
"I say that we should roast them" The largest of the dragons said as he put down his side of the banner.
"An excellent idea." said the other dragon as he too put down his banner.
All three dragons gathered themselves up and then let out a blast of fire and flames in our directions which doubtless would have completely overwhelmed us if it hadn't been that Rella had a necklace which guarded her from flame and my backpack, as I have mentioned before, had an anti-flame device which protected our entire company and squirted water at the dragons. However their wasn't enough water in my backpack to utterly defeat those three dragons. They laughed and grinned evil looking grins as they said, "So, they want to play!" and then they bared their claws and the largest said, "Minced perhaps?". The others agreed.
The dragons tore at us with their claws but by now every sword had been unsheathed and all were ready for the battle, except for a few of us, primarily Harry who was still eating, Princess Scheherize who had fainted and me. I however had drawn my sword and hoped that the battle wouldn't hurt much. I really didn't like getting hurt.
Marcus, Tom, Dick, Earnest, Everybody, Nobody, Rella, and maybe a few others that I haven't mentioned by name yet stood their ground and as the dragons attacked they hewed with their swords. Tom yelled out to declaw the creatures, Dick yelled out that their swords would probably be the best tool that we had to do this with and Harry said that any time was a good time for a meal providing that it wasn't for a dragon.
At this moment I saw what was behind the dragon. it looked like a store. In fact I was fairly sure it was a store and in it's windows their was a sign, "Going out of Business Sale, 95% off everything including fabric and patterns and collectibles."
At that moment I yelled a cry that might possibly have been mistaken for a battle cry for with a loud voice I said, "Shopping!!!" then rushed forward sword in hand. In between me and the store were three very large dragons who were obstructing my way but a few slashes of my sword took care of them and as I rushed forward to see just what was 95% off in the store and whether or not there were some excellent bargains I left behind me three very dead dragons and several rather surprised companions.
I entered the store and probably would have spent the next couple of hours there digging through everything but the company was by now quite aware of my shopping tendencies and knew that if they didn't do something we'd be stuck here for hours. Rella took matters into her own hands and stepped in but as soon as she did so she saw some very well made swords for low prices and 95% percent off those already low prices and she couldn't help stopping to look at them and then...
Fifteen minutes later Dick and a few of the others got tired of waiting and also entered. Half an hour later everybody else went in. Three hours later we all came out en masse with quite a few purchases that were just too good of a bargain to miss.
"And now," Tom said, "I suppose it's time to find Princess Beautifullia."
"We should probably look in the tower." said Dick.
"I wonder if they have any restaurants." said Harry.
We went into the tower.

There were no windows looking into the hall and other than a torch here or there the hallway was very dark.
Marcus bravely stepped forward and took one of the torches from the wall and led the way. I followed right behind him primarily because I wanted to see where I was walking and I was completely unaware of the lighting system in my back pack. At some point I'll just have to read that owners manual.
The rest of the company followed. We were slightly burdened down with our purchases but not too much.
After walking for what seemed like a considerable amount of time, though I doubt it was more than a few minutes we arrived at the end of the hallway. We'd been walking slowly for the floor was somewhat uneven and seemed ill kept. There was also a lot of dust about and plenty of cobwebs on the walls and in corners. Fortunately I hadn't seen any spiders for it would not have been a good thing at that moment for the official leader of the company to make a terrified scream.
At the very end of the hallway we came to a choice of different ways. Up till now the hall had grown straight with narrow openings but now we had a choice between going right down another hallway which was not lit but in the flickering glare of the torch that Marcus held looked dim and lengthy, or we could go to the left down a stair that plunged steeply down or we could keep on going up onto a stairway leading up into darkness.
The decision probably rested on me but before anyone asked or offered advice I said, "Let us go up and onwards.
No one said anything and we went up and onwards. The stair wound around a pillar of stone and seemed to keep on going for long ages uncounted.
"I'm tired" was said behind me, I think it was Princess Scheherize who was not used to an adventuring life and who also had made heavy purchases at the store all of which Earnest could not carry.
At this point I began to have a little difficulty because I still didn't know and wasn't sure what would await us when we got to the top and I wanted to convey the monotony of climbing up endless stairs to the readers while trying to figure out what was going to be at the top, if there was anything, and possibly take up some space in this story which now has a target length of fifty pages and a scheduled release date of just ten days from now, which means that I have a lot of writing to do.
Poetry being one of those excellent things that take up a lot of room to write We suddenly heard an eerie voice from far above singing a strange song that went like this...

A stair there was
A stair there is
A stair there shall be

Below they came
Below they come
Below they shall follow after

Can they make it up the stair
Can they find the hidden way
Can they arrive at the top

Doom awaits them
Doom shall drive them
Doom is sounding

Elizabeth leads them
Elizabeth is stumped
Elizabeth is probably ready for me to stop singing so I shall in order to please her.

During that last stanza the song changed somewhat from a song to merely talking. Marcus was setting the pace and he had set quite a fast one otherwise I would have told him to hasten so that we could arrive at the top much sooner and find out just what there was up there.
And soon enough, we arrived. At the very top of the stairs, in fact sitting on the topmost stair there was a rat. It looked up at me and said, "Did you like my song?" in the eerie voice that that we had heard before, though now that we could see who and what was making the noise it seemed less eerie somehow.
Yes." I said.
"I thought you would like it." the rat said to me. "It took up space."
"Yes," I replied, "It did. Do you know where Princess Beautifulia is?"
"Yes," the rat said, "I do know where she is, but..."
"Is the way dangerous?" Marcus asked.
"Not particularly," the rat said, "However it would probably take a lot longer for you to find it on your own than if I helped you find the way."
"And how would that help us?" Rella asked when Dick, who suddenly showed a rare bit of genius said to her, "It would take longer story page length if we had to search for Princess Beautifullia ourselves and then Elizabeth would have less to have to think up to write about in order to fill the pages."
""Oh" Rella said, "I hope that she isn't going to be so lazy as to refuse the rats help though."
"No, I said, "I'm quite eager to see Princess Beautifulia myself. Especially since..."
"Since what?" nearly everybody said.
"Since approaching Princess Beautifulia is going to be the beginning of Chapter Four! So lead on, Friend Rat!"

Chapter Four
Princess Beautifulia
9/15/05
We followed the talking rat he led us down many passages and staircases. I hoped that he wasn't going to lead us down any rat holes or through small places that we could go through for the rat was quite a bit smaller than we were. However my fears were groundless as was one of the passages we had to go through.
Perhaps I shouldn't say that the passage was groundless for far below, about a hundred feet I would say, was the bottom but the exit on the other side was on the same level as we were.
"Through there," the rat said pointing to the exit on the other side, "Is Princess Beautifulia."
"And how do we get through there?" I said.
"Read page thirty-two of your owner's manual.
"What owners manual?"
"The one that came with your pack!" the rat said, then he scampered off for somewhere in the distance he could here the faint sounds of a can opener calling his name.
I located the owners manual for my pack and looked on page thirty-two and saw that there was a bridging mechanism in my pack. I followed the directions and turned it on and the seat thing at the bottom of the back came out and somehow unfolded and spanned the passage quite conveniently. As I didn't like heights I said, "I wish there was a rail." and just as I said that the rails went up.
We crossed without difficulty and then I got the bridge back up and it folded itself back onto the bottom of my pack and we went on.
The passage led us on for a ways, though not in a straight line. Eventually we came to a door. It appeared to be locked for when Marcus, who was still leading, tried to open it, it didn''t open. However there was no other way out of the passage except the one behind us so it was obvious that Princess Beautifulia must be on the other side of the door. We pushed on the door and Marcus began trying to figure out what would be the best thing to use as a battering ram when Tom said, "Maybe there is a key for the door." Everyone looked at him in surprise, for usually Dick was the one to say something like that. "Don't you think it would be a good time for lunch or supper or something?" Dick said while everyone became even more surprised and the surprise was complete when Harry said, "Here's the key!"
I took the key from Harry and fitted it in the door and and as I unlocked the door I wondered if there was something wrong with Tom, Dick and Harry. I found out in a few moments that their wasn't because I realized that in the darkness I had gotten them mixed up and I actually had taken the key from Tom and Dick was the one who had spoken that maybe there was a key for the door. Since Tom always spoke first and the brother's voices were similar my mistake was explainable.
The door opened and we blinked in the light of the room which came from twelve glittering crystal chandeliers and eighteen stained glass windows. Considering the fact that the chandeliers and windows were quite large the fact that the room was only twenty feet by twenty feet made things seem a bit odd and out of proportion.
Seated in gilded chairs at the opposite end of the room were three very beautiful ladies, each with a crown on her hair. But all were different, one had golden hair, another had hair black as midnight, and the third had hair that was red as fire.
"Which of you are Princess Beautifulia?" Tom said.
"I am." all three of the princess replied simultaneously as they stood to their feet.
"Will the real Princess Beautifulia please stand up." Dick said. As all three princesses were already standing up this didn't seem to be his most brilliant moment but since Rella was blocking his view into the room and he was unaware of what was going on in there his supposed foolishness may perhaps be understood to be somewhat of intelligence.
I was waiting for Harry to say something like, "What's for lunch" or "Have you got anything to eat?" but instead I say him enter the room for underneath one of the glittering chandeliers was a box filled with chocolate candy. Harry picked up a piece and ate it and instantly changed into a rat! In fact he looked almost identical to the talking rat who had led us to Princess Beautifulia and I wondered whether the other rat had also eaten of the chocolate and become a rat and what we were going to do about Harry and where Princess Beautifulia was.

However I didn't long have to worry about where Princess Beautifulia was for at that moment the door opened and in stepped the most beautiful princess any of us had ever seen and even Marcus wouldn't have argued the point. Just for the record I am not a princess.
The beautiful princess said in a calm clear voice, "I am Princess Beautifulia. These are my decoys, my protection, my loyal bodyguards... and in case you were wondering," she said to me with a slightly amused smile, "I am quoting from a very famous movie." then she became very serious as she said, "Have you come to rescue me?"
"Yes, more or less." I said. "You see we are trying destroy the the two dark lords and the currently plan to do so this is for us to take you and then proclaim a grand tournament for the two dark lords and say that the winner will marry you. One of the dark lords will probably destroy the others and probably be wounded himself then all of the knights and warriors who choose to do so may challenge the dark lord and the one that finally kills him will win! And we'll have no more dark lords."
"I see." The princess said. "So where are we going?"
"Back to the castle in the valley" I said, "I don't think I know what it's name is but it's where the Aged Lore-master lives.
"Ah, " Princess Beautifulia said, "I know where you mean. How are we going to get there?"
"Probably on the magic carpet. I suppose we'd better go now."
I was about to lead the way out of the door when I suddenly remembered, or perhaps realized or noticed, a few things. One was that the rat who had guided us here location was unknown and that I probably wouldn't remember the way out myself, the other thing was that Harry was still a rat and that the chocolate that turned him into a rat might be a useful possession to have on hand in case anybody needed turning into a rat and as I walked over to the table to take the chocolate I noticed a latch one one of the stained glass windows. I opened the window and far below I could down into the courtyard we had come in by and where the three dead dragons lay decaying in the sun. I could also see that the magic carpet was lying right where we had left it.
"Princess Scheherize" I said, "Do you think you could call the magic carpet up to the window?"
"Most certianly." Princess Scheherize said and she called the carpet up and we got on it, all of us including the three bodyguards of the Princess Beautifulia and it was somewhat of a tight squeeze with all of our belongings on the carpet as well. Fortunately Harry didn't take up much room now.
We were about to fly off when Harry mentioned that he'd like to stop by the store again and pick up some cheese that was 95% off as he felt very much in the mood for eating cheese. We stopped by the store and Marcus went in with Harry to get the cheese. Marcus had the highest resistance to stores of our company. I knew that it would be a very good idea for me not to go in the store again if we wanted to get back to Tresed before sundown.
When Harry and Marcus came out of the store about five minutes later all marveled at their quickness and we went on.
Harry began eating some of his cheese and that reminded us that we hadn't yet had lunch so we had lunch while the flying carpet carried us along at a very quick pace for I had asked Princess Scheherize to speed up the carpet as fast as it would so that our journey would be shoreter. The journey back should usually take up a less time than the journey to you see.
It was now probably two or three in the afternoon but before many hours had elapsed we saw the city of Tresed beneath us. We didn't stop there though. On and on we went and more hours passed but Princess Scheherize had sped up the flying carpet quite a bit and we were now going in a direct line and were not stopping to shop so before sundown we were back at the castle where the adventure had started from, more or less.
We landed in the courtyard and went into the castle and I inquired where the Aged Lore-master was and was informed that he was in the garden. With the rest of of the company following me I lead the way to the garden hoping that there wouldn't be any bugs to irritate me while I was telling the news of our journey to the Aged Lore-master.
9/19/05
We were soon in the garden and I saw the aged lore-master. I was about to tell him about our mission and the success thereof but the Aged Lore-master held up his hand and said, "We must call council at once. New tidings have come to hand."

The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange Written by Elizabeth Joy Von Fange (who else?) Part Three or Chapters Five and Six

Chapter Five
Things speed up a bit and there may be a battle!

A council was called and all of us went to it. Nearly everybody who had been there before was at the council and there were several additions, including the princess Beautifulia and the other members of our company that we had picked up during our travels. Also there was a hooded and cloaked individual who stood in a corner and seemed very mysterious. The Aged Lore-master began speaking. "Shortly after your departure we learned that the information about the two dark lords was slight erroneous."
I listened intently, as did all of the other members of our company hoping that the past twenty five pages of adventure that we had just gone through to find Princess Beautifulia were not going to be wasted.
"There are, in fact, three dark lords who are fighting and not two as we thought earlier. However only two of them are interested in Princess Beautifulia and currently those two are fighting hard against the third dark lord who is far more powerful than either and I think that it would be best if we should let these three dark lords fight it out amongst each other. Perhaps when the third dark lord is destroyed then we take thought for other plans about the destruction of the two dark lords In the meantime there is a task which is rather urgent. The garrison at Nroca is about to be attacked by a large army. This place is the primary defense of this whole valley and land and if it is taken then things will not go so well for us here. You should go there as quickly a possible to defend this area, I think there are those among you with the military experience and wisdom for this job.
The Aged Lore-master paused for a moment, "I propose that since great wisdom, intelligence, and military knowledge is necessary for this task that the leader of the company for this mission should be..."
Nearly everyone was listening intently. I felt certain that I wasn't going to be chosen for I had no actual military experience, though I had read about many wars and what to do etc. Tom was looking hopeful but Dick was primarily looking at Rella and Harry was sitting back thinking about cheese and chocolate.
Marcus stood as still and tall as a statue and his face was emotionless.
"I think that the best leader for this task would be Marcus." the Aged Lore-master finally said.
"I accept the mission with pleasure and we shall be starting immediately!" Marcus said in his best military manner.
"Excellent." the Aged Lore-master said. "Council dismissed."
Considering the amount of debate that had happened in the council that day I couldn't help wondering why a council had been summoned at all and I also had somewhat gloomy thoughts about what the adventure might be like with Marcus as the leader of the company. I felt that there probably would be a lot less shopping now.
Apparently Princess Scheherize didn't think that it would be much fun and as we walked out she told Earnest that might be a good idea to return on the flying carpet to Tresed since being made a widow in a battle was certainly not her idea of a honeymoon. Earnest didn't think that her fears were quite justified but a delightful sort of honeymoon in Tresed sounded like a grand idea so he and Princess Scheherize said farewell and got on the flying carpet and flew of and were gone.

This seemed to be a general signal for several other members of the company all seemed to remember something else that they needed to do and promptly became ex-members of the company. Finally just Marcus, Tom, Dick, and Harry, Rella, Everybody, Nobody, and myself were left. Then Nobody stated that he had to complete his geographical thesis which was due in three years and he left. We were now down to six members of the company and Marcus was not looking too pleased.
"You know," I said suddenly, "I think their might be a sale somewhere..."
"No." Marcus said rather forcibly.
"You don't think there is one?" I said, very disappointedly.
"That wasn't exactly what I meant." Marcus said, "What I meant was this, if you're thinking you can get out of this adventure so easily you are greatly mistaken. The others can leave but you are second in charge of this adventure and you are going!"
"Shopping." I added in order to complete his sentence, "Should a suitable opportunity arise." I lauged slighty then became serious agian, "But I'll go to the aid of the garrison of Nroca. Are all of you coming as well?" I asked Everybody, Rella, Tom, Dick, and Harry.
"Yes!" they unanimously shouted.
"Good." Marcus said, "Then let's be off."
We were about to walk out of the castle gates when I asked Marcus, "Would you mind if the second in command arranged for transportation?"
"Providing it would get us to Nroca faster than if we walked, I don't mind." He said.
"I think it will, even if we should take a shopping detour."
"No shopping until after the army attacking Nroca is defeated."
"Well," I said, "I suppose that would bring about their defeat much more quickly, especially if we pass an interesting store with a sale." Then I whistled rather loudly and clearly.
A few moments later six beautiful white winged horses flew down from far away on the heights of the encircling mountains and landed. We mounted and I said, "To Nroca!" And we were off!
"Technically I'm supposed to say that." Marcus mentioned.
"You can say something like it now." I said, "And forget I said it earlier."
"To the aid of the garrison of Nroca!" Marcus said very impressively.
"It might be a good idea to decide on a plan of action, or at least discuss some, while we are on our way to Nroca." Tom said.
"Yes, we should plan the defeat and defense of Nroca!" Dick said.
"I wonder if they'll have any cheese there." Harry said as he clung very tightly to the winged horse he was riding. Harry in his enchanted shape was a bit larger than a normal rat but still he was small and he did no want to fall off.
Nroca was not very far away and the winged horses flew quickly and soon we could see it in the distance. At a point where two mountains stood at a slight distance away from each other there was a wall which connected the two and a fortress seemed built over the road that lead from one side of the mountains to the other.
We soon landed at Nroca. From the air we had see a shadowy something coming somewhat rapidly down the road towards Nroca. As soon as we landed and had dismounted the winged horses flew off and I noticed that there were a lot of oak trees about.
However there was little time to notice things for the commander of the garrison of Nroca quickly came towards us.
Marcus stepped forward, "We've been sent by the Aged Lore-master to aid you."
"Excellent." the Commander of the Garrison at Nroca said, "I'm glad he's heard the news of our peril." Then he looked behind us and then back at us and said, "When will the army arrive?"
"I have not heard that one is being sent out." Marcus said with just the slightest hint of annoyance in his voice.
"Well, then" the Commander of the Garrison at Nroca said. He looked a little disappointed then he brightened up, "However considering the intelligence of the Aged Lore-master he wouldn't have sent just you if if he didn't consider you to be sufficient to defeat the approaching army. I suppose you would like to look over the position?"
"Naturally." Marcus said. The Commander of the Garrison at Nroca now led the way through the castle and the walls and he and Marcus carefully discussed ever point of defense and offense and what strength they had and discussed plans of defense while I walked along and paid very little attention for I was bored but I still was looking around hoping that somewhere in Nroca there might be a place to go shopping. There wasn't.
At last we stood on the battlements above the gates of the castle and looked out down the road towards where the attacking army was coming from. Far in the distance we could see something coming towards us. It seemed to be a dark mass of swiftly moving shapes. One of the watchers on the wall suddenly made the comment, "That's odd..."
"What is?" the Commander of the Garrison at Nroca quickly asked.
"Unless my eyesight is extensively misleading me it would appear as though our adversaries are juxtaposition to the quagmire that is barely a league distant from this position. It must be an optical illusion though for from the magnitude of the army one would infer that they were fully three leagues away."
"Maybe it's an army of pigmies." I said before Tom, Dick and Harry who were trying to figure out what the guard had just said could say anything.
"You're right, there is something odd about that army." Marcus said, taking no noticed of what I had said, "Have you a telescope here?"
"A what?" the Commander of the Garrison at Nroca said.
Marcus was about to explain further when I fished into my pack and pulled out a telescope that I had bought at the store in the Tower of Nesirp for 95 percent off.
Marcus took the telescope and looked into it and saw something that surprised him. "It appears to be..." he said then paused.
"Anteaters." I said.
"Yes," Marcus began, then looked at me, "How did you know?"
"Well, for one thing, I'm the authoress and I know everything that is known in the story and for another thing there are a lot of oak trees and acorns around and unless it has been forgotten these anteaters are after acorns."
"The ant eaters are after acorns!" the Commander of the Garrison at Nroca said. "No wonder then that they are coming here. We have a whole store house full of acorns that we were going to plant in the spring and start a new forest growing and..."
"But what are we going to do about the anteaters?" Marcus said, "I know military tactics for fighting men but I've never yet cross swords with an anteater."
"Ant eaters typically don't use swords." Dick said, not waiting for his older brother to speak.
"Do you have any cheese here?" Harry said.
"Have you any ideas?" Marcus said turning to me.
"Lots and none at all." I said, somewhat absently mindedly.
"What exactly do you mean?"
"I have lots of ideas but not necessarily any about what to do about the anteaters."
Rella then stepped forward."I don't really think that there is much peril, after all, what can the anteaters do? And could they even enter this place? They don't have ladders and I don't really think that they can do much so why worry?"
Suddenly she stopped talking for all eyes were suddenly drawn further down the road where they say another distant force moving down the road. Marcus pulled up out the telescope and looked intently in it's direction before saying,
"It appears as though the anteaters won't be the only force we will have to reckon with. It looks like ten thousand cruel Sretsnoms are heading in our direction."
There was silence for a few minutes.

"What exactly are Sretsnom?" Dick asked Rella in a whisper.
"Very fierce and deadly creatures that faintly resemble a mixture of bears, wolves, and hedgehogs." Rella replied, "I've fought one or two before and just one of them is often able to defeat five opponents at the same time. In large groups they are almost invincible."
"I suppose they are servants of the dark lord?" Dick asked after digesting the previous bit of information.
"Well, they would make very clumsy servants." Rella said, "But they are soldiers of whatever Dark lord is in charge of them. I think each of the dark lords have some of them."
Dick nodded and then he and Rella began paying attention to Marcus and the Commander of the Garrison at Nroca who were discussing the best course of action.
The anteaters were nearly to the castle but they were no longer a concern in comparison to the Sretsnoms who were rapidly approaching. Several captains came up and the talk was all of war and defense and provisions and questions on such subjects as to whether or not the Sretsnoms were impervious to arrows or not.
I paid attention for a little while but I really didn't enjoy what I was hearing and some of it I didn't understand and some of it, to me, was boring. In order to otherwise occupy my mind I reached into my pack and looked for something that would occupy it. I found quite a lot of fabric, and that I enjoyed looking at a bit but as I was not entirely insensible to what was being talked about I wondered if perhaps I ought to do something for it seemed as though the odds were against us, in fact the situation looked rather black and night was falling rapidly and we could only see the enemy now by the light of the torches they were bearing.
I leaned back and felt as though I probably could have been more original if I hadn't just watched the battle of Helms Deep in The Two Towers. Not that Sretsnoms are anything like Orcs, for one thing, they are a lot more prickly and don't resemble humans as much.
Marcus turned towards me to ask a question and I hastily put the fabric that I was holding back and then pretended I was looking for something useful in my pack while Marcus asked me whether I could call a winged horse down so that a messenger could be sent to the Aged Lore-maser as speedily as possible to inform him of this new turn in events.
I said, "Possibly" while digging around in the pockets of my pack and I suddenly came across something useful. It was the users guide or owners manual for my pack.
Marcus went back to talking to leaders of the defense and I opened up the owners guide for my pack and began to read the table of contents.
That in itself was fascinating reading. However when I saw the chapter entitled, "Long Range Weapons" I stopped reading the table of contents and flipped over to that chapter and began reading about the long range gun built into my pack and all of the accessories that weren't included but that one could purchase separately for a small fortune. However what was included in my pack looked capable of taking down a couple of Sretsnoms per shot and it fired at a rate of thirty shots per second. "Did I read that right?" I thought, "Thirty shots per second?"
I couldn't help but feel a little pleased with myself. Here was a chance to be quite useful and a chance to put in some educational problems into this story. I stood up and began figuring out where exactly the gun was and the controls and while I did so I set these math problems out for you to answer. Assuming that the gun can kill between three and five Sretsnoms per shot and there are exactly ten thousand Sretsnoms and the gun can fire thirty times times a second what is the minimum amount of time need to destroy all of the Sretsnoms? And what is the maximum time needed assuming that every time I fire I kill either three, four, or five Sretsnoms?
I didn't bother to figure out the answer to these questions for while looking for further instruction on the aiming and firing of the gun I saw that there was an instant demolition setting which seemed to be even better. However it could only be fired once per hour.
I got the gun ready and aimed and fired. Unfortunately my aiming isn't that good so directly to the right of the opposing army a very large crater was made and fortunately on the edge of it a few of the Sretsnoms were hit and some of the others were knocked over by the shock.
The recoil of the gun would have knocked me over if it hadn't been for some fancy setting on my pack that prevented any ill effects from happening to the one who had fired the gun. Marcus and the others all turned towards me.
"What did you just do?" Marcus asked quickly and eagerly.
"I missed." I said rather dejectedly.
9/20/05
"I meant..." Marcus began but at that moment the anteaters arrived at the front gate. We soon found that we had really underestimated what the anteaters could do for their teeth were much hardened by eating so many acorns and they started gnawing on the great wooden gates in order to get through to the acorns on the other side.
"What now?" somebody said.
"Perhaps if we throw a lot of acorns over the walls they'll just eat them and go away." Tom said.
"Maybe we should put up a gate made of metal instead of one made of wood." Dick said.
"Maybe we could tell them that they ought eat ants instead," Harry said, then he added, "And then take a break ourselves and eat something."
Marcus didn't look as though he was ready to take any of those suggestions and seemed to be planning the demise of the anteaters. "Perhaps if we position the archers on the walls over there..." he began but I added, "The Sretsnoms will be much more difficult to defeat and it would doubtless be best to save the arrows for them." I said. "And besides that, I'd kind of prefer not to have all of the anteaters die on the field of battle just because they are hungry for acorns. I wish they were eating ants though..." I looked down over the walls to where, directly below me, the anteaters were busy eating the gates, though perhaps I should say gnawing on he gates for they weren't really digesting the wood but merely gnawing it and then spitting it out again and then go back for another bite.
I really wasn't sure what to do here. My eldest brother had counseled me against doing an epic battle scene in my story and my mother wasn't that fond of violence and I wasn't quite sure myself what to do next.
However since there hadn't been a sword fight in here in a while I decided that perhaps that might be the next thing to do.
Marcus had, while I was debating, gone of to attend to other matters of defense but Tom, Dick, Harry, Rella, and Everybody were still with me. I pulled out a sturdy rope out of my pack and tied it firmly to the stone parapet, something I may mention I probably couldn't have done in actual life, and then I said to my companions, "Let's make a sortie and see what we can do to drive away the anteaters and perhaps convince them to go eat ants again."
The six of us clambered down the rope. Harry went down last and a trifle nervously hoping that anteaters didn't like eating rats.
We drew our swords but instead of using them we instead just kicked some of the anteaters away from the gates and then I attempted to make a grand speech.

"Anteaters, Anteaters, and Anteaters, lend me your ears! For I come to make a speech and not to bury Caesar!"
There was a slight pause and the anteaters looked in my direction. I was fervently wishing that I could remember more of that speech about Caesar but I couldn't remember anymore of it but I had to say something so I went on
"I do not know what hath bewitched you but you seem to be forgetting that your primary purpose in life is to eat ants!" I paused for dramatic emphasis and to try and figure out what to say next.
"Yes, your name even tells you that you are Ant Eaters." Dick said since Tom didn't say anything. Harry was silent as well for both brothers were too surprised at Dick's talking without waiting for Tom to first speak to say anything.

Around this time, though we didn't realize it, a sentry walked down the wall and being that there was a pause in the negotiations down below he didn't realize that we were down there. What he did realize was that there was a rope leading to the outside of the castle where it shouldn't be and like the very conscientious guard he was he promptly untied it and let it drop.
Harry noticed this but before mentioning it all our eyes turned to look down the road for we could here a very loud noise. Down the road we could see that the front lines of the Sretsnoms had just arrived in view of the fortress of Nroca. They had very prickly looking spears.
The anteaters looked at them for a few seconds and then quickly decided that they had some ants to eat some where else and left very quickly.
I turned around a few moments later and noticed that the rope was no longer where I had left it. Harry looked somewhat worried. Even at that distance the Sretsnoms looked large enough to squash someone of his stature with a single stomp. I wasn't exactly pleased about the situation either.
Another uncomfortable thought was that I had left my pack back up on the wall and not only did I no longer have the long range weapon technology that it afforded but if I got thirsty I couldn't access the supply of milk! I was more worried about the first problem than the second though.
I suppose the most logical and reasonable thing to do in the situation was to yell to Marcus or anybody else up on the walls that we were down here and that we ought to be up there and to haul us up on ropes or open the gates and get us in there as quickly as possible before the Sretsnoms arrived.
However if that happened the story might be a little less interesting so none of us suggested such a thing, though I'm sure that Harry thought of it. Also, there was something else, the gates had been greatly damaged by the ant eaters and since the Sretsnoms had probably brought several battering rams with them, in fact I could see several being carried by the Sretsnoms as they were rapidly getting closer, I thought that it would probably be a noble and brave thing to guard the gates.
However I think that if I had known as much about Sretsnoms as Rella did I probably would not have taken the course of action.
We made a line of battle. I stood in the front center. To my right and a little behind me was Rella. To her right was Dick who, I think, was there because he wanted to stand next to Rella. Tom stood to my right, Everbybody stood beside Tom and Harry stood behind all of us and with his back towards us and his face towards the gate looking for a crevice large enough to get in through. He found one and the defenders outside the gates of Nroca were reduced to five.
In case you have forgotten, ten thousand Sretsnoms were on their way to attack us, though about three hundred of them had become entangled in the edges of a crater. So the odds were about 5 to 9,700 or if you want to reduce things 1 to 1,940.
Though there probably was some error in that calculation since it probably wasn't exactly three hundred Sretsnoms that were now demised and I was forgetting that the garrison of Nroca was behind us and would be sure to help in the matter.
The Sretsnoms were now rather close. If I had not already drawn my sword I probably would have done so now and if it wasn't for the fact that the story me was a bit different, in fact, quite a lot different, than the actual me I probably wouldn't have remained standing there, in fact I probably wouldn't even have gone to Nroca.
Fortunately for us the Sretsnoms didn't seem to have any archers however, unfortunately, they did have the quills of a porcupines and also, unfortunately, they could throw these with great skill and accuracy, however, also fortunately for us, whoever had sent this army out had thought that armor was a necessary thing for soldiers to have and so had equipped all with armor that fortunately covered their quills.
Marcus apparently had noticed the close proximity of the Sretsnoms and he ordered the archers who were now positioned on the walls to let fly a volley. This effectually diminished the front line of soldiers and even went so far as to go into the second line however as the Sretsnoms were marching only fifty in line it was but a drop in the bucket, though a rather sizable one.
The archers reloaded but several of the Sretsnoms were now rapidly running towards us and some of them made it, only to meet there doom at the hands of our company. I jabbed one but the stroke didn't exactly kill him but he was finished off by Tom. I really didn't like this as I had a somewhat weak stomach when it came to blood and I began to wonder why I had gotten myself into this. My reason told me it was probably a combination of watching too much Lord of the Rings(especially the Battle at Helm's Deep) and the desire to have some action in the story and to fill in some of the final pages.
However I really didn't have much time to think for in a few more moments the Sretsnoms were on us in force and I was busy. Fortunately for us the plan of Marcus's to pour boiling oil on the attackers of the gate had been abandoned due to the lack of oil.
The fight had been going on for about five minutes, though it seemed to me like it had been going on for much longer than that, when Marcus finally noticed that we weren't where he thought we were. About that same time Harry, who had found a way to reenter the fortress arrived where Marcus was and informed him where we were.
Marcus quickly went to the wall above the gate and looked down and saw where we were.
"Get a rope or a ladder or something." he ordered and somebody brought a rope and he tossed it over the wall.
Tom, being very intelligent, quickly noticed the rope and scrambled up without even being told. Everybody also noticed the rope and he mentioned it to the rest of us before scrambling up.
Dick said to Rella, "Ladies first." and Rella then flashed him a beautiful smile which he couldn't see because she was wearing a helmet with the visor down and she clambered up.
Apparently forgetting what he had just said Dick clambered up after her and Marcus called down to me.
I now noticed that with the exception of over nine thousand Sretsnoms I was now the only one down there and that there was a rope which I quickly grabbed and wished that I knew how to climb a rope.
Fortunately for me Marcus knew how to pull one up and he very quickly did so and then asked me, "What was that?"
"I think it was a rope." I said, trying to be funny though more for you the reader's benefit than for his.
I then quickly went over to my pack and pulled out a container of milk and quickly drained about half of it, it was a half gallon container, and then I pulled out the user manuel and began looking at ways to get rid of the army of Sretsnoms.

However I didn't really have to worry about the problem for at that moment twelve battalions of soldiers under a different dark lord showed up and promptly started attacking the Sretsnoms. A few moments later from a different direction there came an army even larger than the other two put together from the third dark lord and they quickly began attacking the other two armies and fortunately none of them seemed to be bothering themselves about attacking us.
Around this time I managed to locate the chapter on long range weapons and looked up to see what was going on. Since the battle was no longer a pressing thing for me to concentrate on I began wondering how I was going to fit this battle into the story in such a way that became an important event and very necessary to the plot instead of merely a side adventure to take up space.
I believe I've neglected to mention something about the geography fo the place. The gates of Nroca faced to the North and it was from there that the Sretsnoms had come from. The other army had come form the East and the third army had come from the West.
As I looked towards the West I noticed that there seemed to be a command center being set up in the rear of the army and one of the tents bore the banner of one of the dark lords. That particular dark lord I have referred to in the past as the Third Dark Lord and I think he'll still maintain that title. He was considered by the Aged Lore-master to be the most powerful of the three dark lords and to be a considerable threat to the world in general and he was also preventing the quest that I had gone on from being any use at present.
I called into the air as I put the user manual for my pack back into the pack and slung the pack back onto my shoulders and jumped onto the winged horse that had come at my call wondering how many more times I could fit the words pack and back into this sentence before it became monotonous. However more important things were happening so I decided not to try.
The winged horse swiftly bore me towards the command center in the west and although quite a few arrows were shot at me and the winged horse I now had my pack on and the force field prevented any harm befalling us.
The horse was rapidly gaining momentum and as I didn't really like the idea of leaving it on the ground when I took care of business while it was still briskly flying I lept off right on top of the tent that had the largest banner affixed on to it.
However I wasn't quite as effective as a house dropped by a tornado and I don't I even seriously injure anything beneath me though I did manage to tear a hole in the roof of the tent and hurt myself slightly.
I was a bit dazed but I shook it off, another thing I probably wouldn't have been able to do in real life, and looked up and there before me, swathed in a dark shadowy cloak, stood the Third Dark Lord.
He was terrifying. Everything about him seemed to black except for the red flame that danced in his eyes.
"Who, and What are you?" the Third Dark Lord asked in a terrifying growling voice.
"Elizabeth Von Fange and I'm a writer" I said. while I attempted to think up a plan.
"A writer..." the Third Dark Lord said with disgust.
"Well, there is an old saying that the pen is mightier than the sword." I said as I drew my sword and quickly slashed his head off, "And in that case the pen is mighty indeed." I said as I walked out of the tent while cleaning my blade and then sheathing it.
Now some of you may be thinking that this was much to easy, and they are right. It should have been much more difficult to defeat that particular dark lord especially since he was considered to be more of a threat than the other two put together. However the Third Dark Lord's primary threat was that he had larger armies and more resources and was also a lot more intelligent than the other two dark lords and he was not necessarily known for his personal prowess. I'm not known for that either but in this story I wielded a mighty blade and I also felt that the battle was now quite long enough.
With one of the dark lords dead the battle was now a useful part of the story and I quickly called the winged horse to pick me up and I managed to escape without a wound. I was quite pleased about that. My thoughts were now busy with the question of when I might be going shopping next though I still was able to spare a thought or two for the battle.
It seemed to be going well from our point of view for there were a whole lot less of the fighters actively fighting than there had been when the battle started. I think that the Sretsnoms were getting the best of the battle, probably because they were only type of soldier I had actually given a name or a description to and I didn't know how to refer to other armies.
When I arrived back Marcus asked me where I'd been and I replied, "I was making sure that the battle wouldn't be a useless adventure."
"I see." He said and then he said, "A messenger just rode in with urgent tidings. You'll probably want to hear them."
I went down to hear the urgent tidings that the messenger had brought.
As soon as he saw me he said, "Princess Beautifulia has been captured along with the whole castle and the Aged Lore-master is being held a prisoner. I alone escaped from to tell you!"
The messenger then fainted for he had run all the way to Nroca at a very quick pace and was quite tired. I pondered the tidings wondering how in the short amount of time that I had been away from the castle that anybody could have captured it and how they could have done so and still left time for the messenger to arrive on foot so soon after we had gotten there ourselves.
I suppose it's bad policy to point out possible holes in plot and reason in a story but sometimes one may do it to offer an explanation however that is not the case here.
I ran back up to where Marcus was and told him that we were probably needed more urgently back at the castle than here and I then called the winged horses who were to take us back while Marcus informed the Commander of the Garrison at Nroca that we were going and advised him to refrain from fighting unless attacked until one side or other won and then he was to see that the survivors didn't survive much longer after it.
Then we all mounted and road off. Harry once again clung very tightly to the winged horse he was riding. We were rapidly heading towards the castle when suddenly we saw three very large and fierce looking vultures flying towards us along with eight owls and two dragons.
When he saw the vultures Harry clutched even tighter and when he saw the owls he began wishing that the was himself again and not a rat, in order to be educational I shall here mention that most owls eat small furry animals, and when Harry saw the the dragons he started wishing to be himself again even harder than before.
At that moment a pretty little fairy dressed all in blue appeared in front of Harry and said in a musical, poetical voice
"When you wish for something hard enough it often comes true!" And with that she waved her little blue wand and Harry found himself himself again and turned and thanked the blue fairy very heartily for her kindness before one of the vultures tried to eat her. The little blue fairy quickly decided to disappear with a puff of blue smoke and Harry quickly drew his sword and slashed at the vulture and hit it and it toppled down very nicely and didn't move again.
Harry was a lot more cheerful now but Everybody wasn't. This was primarily due to the fact that Everybody was almost always cheerful and the fact that Harry had just killed a vulture added very little to his overall cheerfulness.
The two dragons looked like they were going to be a problem for as the came on they were discussing how they were going to roast and eat us as though they hadn't heard what had happened to the last dragons who had discussed that. However if they had they might not have felt that they had any cause for worry for their were no stores behind them with 95% off signs. Or so they thought.
However if there was anything of the sort behind them I could not see it and I was now pulling out the long range gun from my pack. I did feel as though i was using more science fiction stuff in this story than was good for an epic fantasy adventure though. However fantasy does take in a lot of territory.
9/21/05
Marcus meanwhile was speeding up his winged horse and soon had caught up with one of the dragons, or perhaps i should say that their paths intersected and to be even more precise Marcus's sword intersected with the dragon and Marcus went on and the dragon went down.
This just left one and this one I shot with the long range gun and saw that it worked very efficiently. The remaining vulture decided to have Dragon for lunch and the owls suddenly decided to fly away.
We kept on flying towards the castle and soon we could see it.
While flying I was thinking that I really should have given the castle a name but since the story is almost over and since I haven't bothered to do so yet I think it shall just be The Castle.
We landed cautiously though to our eyes nothing seemed wrong. The sentries were all at their posts and everything looked as normal it could be.
We went in and then things stopped being normal for the castle gift shop had a sign in it's window that said, "Everything 96%" off. I rushed forward although faintly behind me I seemed to hear Marcus saying, "Wait, it might be a tra..." but I paid no heed.
I entered the store and looked for sales but what I saw were two dark lords who immediately proceeded to say several Muhahahahaha's in terrifying voices and the bars of a cage fell over me and I was trapped. Then one of the dark lords said, "You've fallen into our trap nicely young fool!" Though that wasn't strictly true because the trap had fallen over me instead of me falling into it. I was somewhat glad that I wasn't being called an old fool but I wasn't very glad at all otherwise. For one thing nothing was on sale and there were several very pretty things in the store I liked that had much too expensive prices. I suppose in our world I probably would have been more upset about the presence of the dark lords than the absence of a sale but one never really knows what one will do until it happens.
One of the dark lords made a motion and I in the cage was carried by several strange creatures to the large throne room. There I saw that several other important persons, including the Aged Loremaster, were also in cages. Princess Beautifulia stood in a cage as well and she looked regal and frightened which two looks usually don't go together.
Marcus soon rushed into the throne room followed closely by Everybody, Rella, Tom, Dick, and Harry but a large cage was thrown over them as well and they were caught. The the two dark lords started another round of Muhahahahaha's and then did something that I couldn't quite see and said something I didn't understand and were were all turned into stone statues of ourselves and though we were aware of what went on we couldn't do anything about it.
Princess Beautifulia made a lovely statue but Dick thought that Rella looked nicer for Princess Beautifulia was terrified and Rella was not. Also Dick was not in love with Princess Beautifulia though I'm not saying definitely that Dick is in love with Rella though I have strong suspicions about it. And are his feelings returned Will Dick and Rella marry? Who is going to be the lucky one who gets Princess Beautifulia? Will I get to go shopping again in the story? And how are we going to turn back to ourselves? Well, I think, though I'm not going to guarantee it, that the answers to those questions might possibly be in the next chapter and if you are the sort of person who only reads a chapter a day then I hope you enjoy the cliffhanger.

Chapter Six
Probably the Grand Finale

Now at the moment I shall recap the situation in case you have forgotten any of the details that I mentioned and also perhaps to mention some details that haven't even told yet.
Currently just about all of the main characters, including the me in the story though the me who is typing is alright otherwise and you wouldn't be reading this since I wouldn't be able to type it if the me writing this had been hurt, have all been turned into stone statues by two dark lords who it seems, have decided to team up with each other in order to defeat the Third Dark Lord who, unbeknownst to them, is already defeated.
The doors of the throne room we are now in are carefully guarded by quite a few monsters of varying descriptions and terrifyingness. And there aren't any windows which will allow a band of rescuers to come in.
So in fact, things look pretty dark for us at present for the Dark lords have taken some very serious precautions to make sure that their evil schemes will take place. However there is something, or perhaps I should say Somebody, whom they have overlooked. You the reader! Yes, I thought perhaps you would enjoy reading this story more if you actually got to participate in it and then maybe when I get something published you might possibly be more apt to buy it...
Anyway all that you have to do to save this entire kingdom from the two dark lords and change us all back from being stone statues is to blink your left eye twice and your right eye once and then raise your left hand and say, "Bethjoy". I must admit that I was greatly tempted to have you say, "I will purchase two copies of Elizabeth's book when she finally publishes one" but I decided against it. After all, one really shouldn't make too obvious a sales pitch for a book that may never actually be published and hasn't been written yet inside another book.
So I'm assuming you've either done that or about to do that so I'll give you an opportunity now.

Here is your opportunity to be a great hero from the comforts of wherever you happen to be

I'm assuming you did it and now we can go on with the story...
There was a huge crashing noise and it seemed as though a covering of stone was broken off all of us and most of us breathed a sigh of relief and the two dark lords did not look to pleased, amongst other things it was probably because several projectiles of broken stone had hit them.
9/23/05
I now drew my sword. and quickly rushed forward. Quickly I slashed at one of the dark lords and I actually succeeded in killing him. However the remaining dark lord was impervious to any wound given by a sword as we soon found out and he started Muhahahahahaing again while several others were busy removing the threat of the various monsters from the room.
The remaining dark lord seemed to be a serious problem for swords were about the only weapon in the room. I was about to reach into my pack for the long range gun but instead as I reached into the pack I felt a box I'd nearly forgotten about. I drew it out and then said, "Well, it seems as though you are a foe we can't defeat. Will you have some chocolate while we discuss terms of slavery for us and the other free lands with you as the tyrannical lord?" I opened the box of chocolate and the dark lord grinned wickedly and said, "Don't mind if I do." and he promptly ate a piece of chocolate and promptly turned into a rat just as Harry had done so when he had eaten from that box of chocolate way back in Chapter Four.
There was a large mouse trap nearby and Marcus, quickly noticing what had had happened, rushed over and got it but before he could bring it back to make use of it a ranger shot with a great bow of yew and missed the dark rat which was now scampering madly about. Marcus couldn't catch it and neither could anybody else. It's squeaks were sounding more like "Help! Help! Help!" than "Muhahahaha".
Fortunately the throne room was pretty well sealed off and the dark rat couldn't find an exit. I meanwhile was digging in my pack and soon found a large ornate birdcage I'd bought in Tresed since it was such a good bargain and I now walked over to the part of the room where the dark rat was now scampering and I set down the birdcage with the door open and told the dark rat, "Enter this and your life will be spared." He entered quite rapidly.
I shut and locked the door and then I was about to lean back with a sigh of relief when I noticed Harry and quickly asked, "How did you stop being a rat?"
A little blue fairy showed up and granted me a wish!" he said.
"I see." I said and promptly pulled out a sheet of paper and a pencil from my pack and I wrote on it, "Don't grant the rat any wishes." then affixed it to the cage.
Well, that's settled." I said. "And now what I wonder?"
The Aged Lore-master was now quite recovered from his imprisonment and being that he was the leader of the room he said, "We shall have a grand feast this evening and celebrate!" This idea seemed like a good one to just about everybody.
Tom, along with half the other young men in the room (Dick wasn't among them) had rushed over to make certain that Princess Beautifulia was alright and she said that she was and she looked so beautiful as she said it that Tom said, "Will you marry me?". Princess Beautifulia said "No!"
Dick decided it was time for him to follow in his brother's footsteps again so he walked over to Rella, it wasn't a far walk for he'd been standing near her, and dropped to his knees very nicely and said, "Will you be my wife?" very romantically and Rella, to the surprise of some said, "Yes!"
Harry, not to be out done by his brothers walked over the table where the refreshments were laid out and then he said in a very dramatic voice, "Will you be my lunch?" He didn't receive a reply but he assumed that since there weren't objections he could go ahead and he started eating while Dick with a smile kissed Rella who seemed to enjoy it very much and Tom stood in a state of shock.
The Aged Lore-master, who I was now standing next too, smiled at the proceedings but he said in a very grave voice, "These events do bring up a rather important question. Who shall marry the Princess Beautifulia?"
Several pondered this question for a moment and then the Aged Lore-master continued, "After all, everybody can't marry her."
"And just why not?" Everybody said looking him straight in the eyes.
The Aged lore-master looked confused for a moment until I whispered to him, "His name is Everybody." Comprehension dawned on the Aged Lore-masters face.
"Well, I suppose the best course of action would be for Princess Beautifulia to decide."
Princess Beautifulia hearing herself mentioned came over and noticed Everybody and that he was tall and handsome and looked even more in love with her than anyone else she had seen looked and she had also noticed that he was quite powerful in battle having just felled two dragons that I forgot to mention earlier. And Everybody looked at her and in a few moments when each could speak again it was decided that Princess Beautifulia was going to marry Everybody. Nobody was quite happy for his good friend and he was invited to be the best man however there wasn't that much rejoicing by the other unmarried young men/ But I was quite happy for in the last few paragraphs I now had three engagements formed and that was quite romantic I thought.
The grand feast that evening was very grand but towards the end of it I began to get slightly bored and also ready for the end of this story and I took out the owners manual from my pack and began to read. It was fascinating reading and when I got to the chapter on the operation of the the teleporting device and saw that it would take me several different planets in the Galaxy of Yxalag I thought that perhaps that might be an excellent place to go and have further adventures in for the next book I might write, The First Lengthy Epic Science Fiction Adventure of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange. But that I'll leave for another time. Suffice it to say that in this story everybody lived happily ever after unless there should be a sequel set in this world which says that they don't.
THE END and I hope you enjoyed it

Quick progress update

The rough draft is DONE!!! Now all I need to do is fix about three chapters worth of grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes and mistyping. I suppose "Proofread" is the correct term. So The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange should be up here soon! And soon as in Today!!!

I woke up this morning feeling rather ill

And I still don't feel well. I have a sore throat amongst other things. For some reason I could not get to sleep to sleep last night until after five in the morning!!! I finally almost had to force myself to go to sleep after trying to go to sleep for quite some time.

I'm not sure how this is going to affect The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange but right now I think I may reread what I've already written and probably correct some spelling and grammatical errors and hopefully I'll then be able to go on writing. I'd like to finish writing it today and then have tomorrow to proof read and double proof read and put it on here. Bethjoy.com doesn't have paragraph indention so fixing that up will be a task... So now, to the story!

This week I haven't been using a To Do list(and as a passing note, this post is primarily a ramble about romance and things related to it and mentions literary heroines.)

And I think that comparing performances I do seem to get more done when I have a to do list than when I don't. I just remembered that I don't think I wrote a post today so I thought I probably should write one even though technically it's tuesday now. It's just I don't really have anything to write...

Recently I started rereading the Betsy-Tacy books and tonight I got up to Heaven to Betsy at which point the books start getting very romantic. And quite frankly that's rather interesting especially when viewed from the fact that at the point I'm reading about Betsy is almost three years younger than I am. I'm about to be seventeen and I know that now a days quite a few girls of my age have probably been "dating" for a bit now. However I'm, if I ever am, am probably not going to be doing anything of the sort for several years and I don't really need to be thinking about that sort of thing except in a vague fairy tale romantic way that probably should be touched with a bit of severe realism about how much trouble it is to take care of a house and children and how very bad I am at keeping things organized.

My mother thinks that "dating"(I'm using this word to pretty much stand for moderate and mild romantic intercourse before getting really serious) too young is pretty much just a waste of time that could be spent much better and it occupies the mind a bit too much. I to some extent agree with this and when I'm completely and utterly sensible and haven't spoken to or seen a young man recently I'm very glad I don't see them.

And I don't really think that this post is very, well, Bethjoy.comish. However as this website is sort of a diary for me and since when I actually do have a boyfriend(and I hope I do eventually) I'll probably be writing about him and things on this subject and since I'm about to turn seventeen I may as well write a post.

However since I'm tired I may as well get to the point, if there is one. And I've now kind of lost where I was going... Oh well. So at anyrate I'm currently waiting and praying for God to bring just the right person into my life and the entire matter is up to him and that is a very comforting thought that at the right time and at the right place I'll meet the right somebody and that eventually we'll probably fall in love and get married and live happily ever after though I do realize that their still will be a lot of problems and difficulties even when the "and they lived happily ever after" stage is reached.

And I don't really know why I'm talking about all of this... Other than the fact that I was just reading the romantic book with Betsy and her three boyfriends. Actually I'm quite glad I don't have three boyfriends. I think that it would be nice and best just to have one and not exactly a boyfreind, more like a knight in shining armor but skipping the armor since it probably would be uncomfortable to wear but a sword would be neat. If he doesn't have a sword I'd be very willing to lend him one of mine and I think it would be very fun to make movies with him. And I think I've been thinking about these sorts of things for a bit to long and I probably ought to go back to reading or listening to Tolkien instead of highly interesting in a way I don't need to be thinking about goings on in the life of Betsy Ray but I still have five more books in that series left to read and I'll probably just read them and I hope that I'll be able to start thinking about my story(I only wrote two pages on it) again soon. One of the interesting things about Betsy is that we share a lot of things in common. Her full name is Elizabeth, though I am called Elizabeth and my name didn't get shortened to Betsy. She likes to write but I uncomfortably noticed that as soon as the boys came calling she stopped writing. And there are a few other characteristics I noticed as well. But I think I'm probably more like Elizabeth Bennet than Betsy Ray. And I think it would be very romantic to have him say to me, like Mr. Darcy said to Elizabeth Bennet, "Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth...". Hmm, now what other romantic heroines named Elizabeth can I pull into this post? I suppose I'd better stop now.

However being in a romantic frame of mind probably isn't too bad for my story. The dark lords have just about been defeated and the army of anteaters seems reduced and scattered and since there is a Lovely Princess and quite a few other eligible characters the last few pages may be a bit romantic. For everybody except me that is:) I'll probably find out something which will lead on to the next book! Only although I've got some ideas about the next book I'll probably wait until I finish this one, get it on here, and start writing the next one to actually mention it.

You know, ten years from now I may find this very interesting reading... However I probably should stop writing right now and mention that my birthday is in FOUR days(I think) and that I'll be seventeen and since I'm writing this late at night and I haven't really bothered to reread what I've written I'll say approximately what I've seen said on several DVD's before going into the behind the scenes "The opinions expressed in this post may not necessarily be the opinions of Bethjoy.com or anybody else for that matter but merely are as they were written late at night by somebody who needs to stop this post right now and go to sleep because it's after 1:30 in the morning!!!" Actually I've never seen that on a DVD but often one will see some small print disclaiming things. And I do need to end this post, now!

I had a full day today and it is just six days until my birthday I think

And while I'm at it I'm currently up to page 42 on The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange and it's currently on schedule! Just eight pages left! I'm not sure what happens to the quality of the tale when writing for length or just because one has told oneself that one has to write but at anyrate the last couple of pages I've written are probably exciting. I watched a bit of Lord of the Rings, in fact for a bit I was watching it while writing so things were a bit exciting while three armies met and battled and the battle is still raging though the seven current heroes and heroines are having to leave and go elsewhere where they are more pressingly needed. It should be an interesting long story and I hope that it will be.

For the later part of this morning and most of this afternoon I was out with Mom and Dad. Dad had two errands to run and Mom and I went with him. Both were somewhat far away. We ate lunch at McDonalds and after taking care of business we went to Walmart!!! I got a new DVD which was the reason I went to Walmart today because it came out on DVD today. I enjoyed it, or to rephrase that, I enjoyed most of it which was what I expected. The DVD I'm referring to is the new Barbie movie that has winged horses. The animation and locations are spectacular eye candy but I shall be like the elves and say neither yay nor nay about whether or not one should get it for advice is a dangerous thing even from the wise to the wise and I'm quoting from Tolkien somewhat in case you can't tell.

And right now I need to go to bed! It's exciting to think that in less than a week I'll be seventeen! It's remarkable to think that by that age several story heroines I know of were already married and I don't even have the faintest shred of a boyfriend yet but that's probably as it should be. I'm not trying to rush growing up. I enjoy being a little girl but at some point I hope to enjoy some romance however that will probably lead to a lot of new challenges, responsibilities, and problems that I don't really want to think about now. Besides, when I "Grow Up" I probably won't have anything like as much free time as I now enjoy. Which probably means that I won't get as much writing done...

However I really need to go to bed right now since it's no longer Tuesday and is now Wednesday I need to go to sleep so that I can wake up on Wednesday morning. And in case you didn't know the time that shows up on my website that says when I posted the post is off. I don't know why though. But this post is now over.

Yarr, it be talk like a pirate day

And as it be customary to talk like a pirate on talk like a pirate day I shall hereby talk like a pirate.

Yarr!!! It be one week until me birthday so dig through your swag and booty, you landlubbers, and get me some birthday presents and if me birthday be not reason enough for presents then I'll pull out my trusty cutlass and...

And I think I'd better stop talking like a pirate! I think my brithday party is going to be this Friday night providing my Grandmother will have arrived then. If it isn't Friday it probably will be Saturday. My actual birthday is on Monday September the twenty-sixth and I will be seventeen then!!!

I think I've figured out a release date for The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange. Since I started writing it on the twenty-fourth off august I think I'll try to put it up here on the twenty third of September so that it will have been written in thirty days, an impressive accomplishment for me. The story is currently up to thirty five pages long!!! So be sure to visit on the twenty-third and if it isn't there I'll at least try posting a profuse apology. but I think it should be there. I only have about fifteen pages left to write until it reaches it's target length of fifty pages and it doesn't have to be that long.

I hope you had a very enjoyable Monday! And I do enjoy getting nice birthday presents! Like fabric, cash, gift cards, swords, jewelry, tiaras, dolls, movie props etc. etc. etc.

But you don't have to get me a present if you don't want to or if financial reasons prevent you from doing so or if, like most of my Bethjoy.com readers, you've never actually met me in person and you don't know where I live.

And now this post is over. My left arm is still hurting but I have been able to type about five pages on the story today I'm going to try typing some more on it tonight, Maybe I should say here that the post is over.

Bother... I've had a bicycle accident

And now my left arm hurts and it doesn't want to type and neither does the rest of me. I didn't write on the story yesterday so if I want it to be done in time I really need to write on it today but I don't feel like it... Double Bother or Buther as Eyore says.

It's kind of interesting riding ones bicycle in the fall because there are a lot of leaves on the ground which somehow manage to get stuck on the tire long enough to stop in the area between the wheel and the bicycle and while one leans down to move the leaves out so they'll stop being so noise while one is busy thinking up a story one sometimes suddenly encounters in one's path and obstacle that usually is not there. And skipping the hypothetical "what one might do" speech suffice it to say that our fifteen passenger very solid van was parked where it usually isn't parked and where it was parked was at the bottom of a downwards incline that might be called a hill and I hit it before I realized it was there. Fortunately I don't think the van was scratched or received any damage, unlike me, and my bike still works, it's hit things before, however, as I've already mentioned, my left arm hurts. It feels rather odd as though something is not right while my right arm seems to be just fine.

I suppose I'd better spend my typing energy on my story since I want to release it soon but I don't feel like it. But maybe I should plug away anyway on the story. Maybe somebody could start reciting poetry!!! Or perhaps there could be a long conversation of very short sentences. Both of those options take up a lot of space with
little typing though the poetry usually takes up quite a bit of thinking and since I'm not very good at writing poetry it's usually very bad poetry so I always write it in that way and it works. I hope. Though since nobody has ready the book yet I don't really know what does work and what doesn't. I think I'll do better on the next book though. I was rereading the opening of this story and it starts out a bit slow because I really didn't know what I was talking about or what I was going to do. And now my right arm is hurting... I think I'd better end this post now...

A week from now and my grandmother is coming to visit!

And my birthday is rapidly approaching! I'm looking forward to being seventeen.

I've gotten a bit sidetracked lately due to eating to many delicious things that have a high sugar content and have made me a bit ill. I actually haven't written on The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange at all today, but I have thought about what is going to happen next. The story is currently about thirty and a half pages long and I hope to make it fifty pages and possibly have it on Bethjoy.com before I am seventeen. Whether or not that is going to happen I don't know though. However I am hoping on putting it on here soon, preferably a week from now on Friday, so if you have any interest in reading the tale you might want to check back then. Or sooner, I like having visitors to my website:)

So not much of a post today but soon there will be quite a long one... I'm referring to The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange of course. That will be a very long post...

It's really fun going shopping, even if it's just in fantasy stories...

And as you probably know, current fantasy story I'm writing is The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange. Since I enjoy going shopping I've gotten to go shopping a couple of times in this adventure. Since I didn't write any on the story yesterday I'm planning on writing two segments worth on the story today. In what I've just written we've just arrived at the Tower of Nesirp that we've been trying to reach for the last twenty pages or more and we find that the welcoming comitte their are three very large dragons who plan to have us for lunch. And here is an excerpt from the story which tells the fate of the dragons...

Then I yelled a cry that might possibly have been mistakn for a battle cry for with a loud voice I said, "Shopping!!!" then rushed forward sword in hand. In between me and the store were three very large dragons who were obstructing my way but a few slashes of my sword took care of them and as I rushed forward to see just what was 95% off in the store and whether there were some excellant bargains I left behind me three very dead dragons and some rather surprised companions.

I went to the dentist today

So now my teeth are rather clean. And I'm tired. And I haven't yet written on the story and I don't think I will today. Instead I'm re-perusing what I've already written and tomorrow I hope to write further on it. And now I'm done with this post.

Yay!! I wrote three and a half pages of story today!!!

Since one page is my minimum I did quite well today. I'm now halfway on page twenty-five!!! Considering the fact that twenty-five pages was my goal for the length of the story I'm doing quite well and I think I'll be able to make this story the longest one I've ever written if I try.

I just looked up my story lengths. Pretty much I have four long stories, including this one. By long story I mean over twenty-two pages in length. I have a rough draft of a story that I wrote that is twenty-one pages long but the story was terrible so I don't want to count it.

The first of my long stories was The Royal Crowns of Scotland which is currently on my website and is thirty-four pages long and I think that it has the honor of being the longest thing I've ever written. Actually it's not quite thirty-four pages long, it's really more like thirty-three and a quarter pages long.

Next I wrote Elaine's Pearls, probably my favorite of my long stories, which is twenty-nine pages long and it's not on my website since I hope at some point to revise and possibly publish it. It has a good plot and great possibilities I think. However considering the fact that I like Jar Jar Binks and think that he is a great bit of comic relief I might be mistaken.

After Eliane's Pearls I wrote The Crown Princess of Kralth which is twenty-four pages long and the shortest of my official long stories. It also might be the least funny and most serious of them. It's not on my website either.

And now I'm working on The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange which is now onto page twenty-five and the adventure has barely started yet! I think I've actually found the way that I can write a long story and I'm going to try to have this one done before I turn seventeen. I may or may do that but at any rate, if you want to, you can go back and read The Royal Crowns of Scotland and then when I release this one you can read it and then see the difference and, hopefully, how much my writing has improved.

So now it's time for me to go to bed or put curlers in my hair and then go to bed. I'm not sure what exactly I'm going to do though. And this post is now over.

I have previously neglected to mention some important news about my brother Andrew and it looks as though I'm still going to neglect it

Andrew's Porsche was rear-ended by a large pickup truck I forget how long ago. Their are a lot of important details and so forth but as I am in the process of writing on The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange I may not go into them at this time. Andrew was not seriously injured, unlike his car which was totaled, so I will say this for Porsches. They are very nice. They are fun to drive. They will crumple when between two big pickup trucks if enough force is applied but when they crumple it absorbs the impact and the driver can escape moderately unscathed. They get good gas milage typically. I like them.

And now back to the ancient city of Tresed to look for a flying carpet...

Remarkable how one suddenly remembers sometimes that one hasn't written a post... And it is seventeen days until my birthday and I do realize this is getting a little monotonous but since I'm trying to have a very long subject please bear with me.

My Grandmother is probably coming to visit us the weekend after next!!! Which will be very, very nice! Surprisingly I actually thought of writing this post somewhat sort-of while writing my daily page on The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange which I have spoken so much about. So this will be a short post since it is past eleven o'clock and I still have a ways to go on the story. In fact it's approximately 280 miles until the next(possibly) important stop. So back to the story... That or back to reading Garfield Cartoons... Anyway, this post is now over.

I just wrote three pages on my story!!!

That's good! Typically I only do between one and two pages a day. The story is almost twenty pages long now! And in case you don't know which story I'm talking about it's The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange. Here is the most recent paragraph I've written in case you want to take a peak at the story. However I suppose I should say now, for the comfort and security of my brother Andrew, SPOILERS!!!

Once the ants were taken care of they sat down again and began making up for lost time on their lunches but I said, "Thank you", and surprisingly enough Rella said the same thing at the same moment I said it and while I was looking at all three in general her eyes were on Dick. Possibly this was because he had just stuffed an entire slice of bread, thickly covered with peanut butter, into his mouth but it may have been for other reasons. And yes, in this particular strange and distant land of fantasy, they do have peanut butter. Jelly however, much to my sorrow, hasn't yet been invented but it probably will be eventually.

In case you were wondering, both Rella and Dick are over the age of eighteen. the story currently isn't very romantic at present but their will be at least one beautiful princess in it and their may be a proposal or two just for the grand fun of it. Oh, and the story is being told by me while the story is happening if that makes sense. Hopefully the book will be finished soon(I hope to have it done before my birthday) and when it's done I plan on posting it on my website. So now I think I'll stop typing since I'm a little bit tired of it.

It's September Eighth and it is Eighteen days until my birthday

It's a good thing I have a birthday coming up! Otherwise I wouldn't have had much to post about. I've been a little out of sorts this week. Hopefully next week, or to be more hopeful, tomorrow, I'll be a bit better. I need to clean up my room again. Or at least win back the territory I cleared the last time I cleaned. Indeed, ever, after a brief respite, the enemy of untidiness rears it's ugly head again and begins taking over my room! Um, I've been listening to a lot of Lord of the Rings lately. I wonder if it's affecting me?

Mom wrapped up some(I hope) of my birthday presents today. I know what's in all of the boxes but I still had a very pleasant surprise. You see two of the items were supposed to be rewards for finishing school but instead they are going to be birthday presents! Which means that two other items will probably be the rewards for school and I think I have them picked out already.

I suppose this post wouldn't be a this weeks post if I didn't mention the The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange so I'll mention it. I'm up to Chapter Three!!! However I've only written a few words past that. I think I may need to reread some of the recent events before going on. I think that the Tower of Nesirp is to the North of our present position but I'm not sure anymore... In the story we're trying to go to the Tower of Nesirp as part of the plan to defeat the TWO dark lords that have arisen (one dark lord wasn't original enough). Speaking of Originality there also is an army of anteaters who have decided to eat acorns instead of ants. They'll probably play a part in the story at some point but I'm not sure of what yet.

So now, Onward!

Tired I am tonight and it is nineteen days until my brithday

I made a fairly serious error today. For breakfast this morning I just drank a glass of milk and then went back to sleep once my presence downstairs was no longer required. I forget what I had for lunch but I don't remember eating a lot. For supper I just now (10:00 or so) had a bowl of cereal. I did drink a lot of milk in between lunch and supper but it really wasn't enough considering the fact that I spent most of today riding my bicycle.

So what does all that have to do with anything? Well, I have hypoglycemia. Which being interpreted means Low Blood Sugar. Or plain stated in the way it affects me, I have to eat. I have to eat frequently and I have to eat well and if I don't I become very irritated and annoyed, unpleasant and pessimistic, in fact I'm not very nice and cheerful like I usually am. And unfortunately at the moment since I've hardly eaten anything all day I'm not very cheerful and I'm rather irritated which means that this post is not so very cheerful. Bother.

I made something today! I'll wait until tomorrow when my normal process of thinking returns to comment on it but I attempted to make an emerald and gold necklace out of plastic canvas and yarn. And... Well... I'm not sure about the result. I'm not sure right now whether it's merely my low blood sugar level or just the fact that the necklace looks awful that makes it look less nice than I thought it would but maybe tomorrow I'll be able to tell. Plastic Canvas and Yarn certianly can be put to a lot of uses.

And now I'm tired. It probably would be a good thing if I went down stairs and ate something before attempting to write on The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange so I may do that. I've mentioned that story quite a lot recently haven't I? Probably because I've actually been writing fairly regularly on it. In fact I'm already halfway down page seventeen!!! Which is quite impressive considering that I only started the story on August 24th, let me see, that would be fifteen days ago approximately? So I've averaged more than a page a day. That's nice. I'm begining to feel the effect of the cereal I ate and the world is no longer a dark and gloomy place and my headache is lessoning. So now this post is at an end.

I didn't get much done today and it is about twenty days until my birthday

My, we are already six days into September! That's nice.

I didn't get many "Profitable" things done today. In the morning I slept and in the afternoon I rode my bicycle and in the evening I researched Elizabethan court dresses and cross stitched. Of course I did a few other things today, like eating and watching two episodes of the Muppet Show, but that's almost about it.

I think I may attempt making an Elizabethan court dress at some point. Or actually I think I'll try to make an upper middle class dress for a young unmarried girl that isn't so fancy that it would take months or years to make and hundreds of dollars for the materials but probably something I could do in a week and wouldn't cost above fifty(preferably no more than twenty) dollars at the most. I have the perfect fabric for most of it and a fairly good idea of what style I want and most of the materials for it. I kind of want it to be green but I don't have the correct sort of fabric in green so I'll probably have it be some other color. However I may not try anything of the sort for a while.

I didn't do any school today, which is not a good sign. Today just seemed like the continuation of a holiday. Oh well, the important thing I'll need to do this evening is write another page on The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange. For some reason, much as I enjoy this great work, I have to force myself to type on it and I keep on putting it of and doing other things. But now... Write Write Write, I tell myself while my eyes tell me, Sleep, Sleep, Sleep. Who will win? Well, since I probably won't post about it you may never know.

I began twelfth grade today and it is twenty-one days until my birthday, approximately

I still haven't finished eleventh grade yet, but all I have left of it is Algebra II which I should be starting in October. I just finished Chemistry for eleventh grade. So today I started Twelfth Grade Language and I didn't get too far in it because today was a holiday and the weather was very nice and I wanted to ride my bicycle which I did.

In other news, the month is now September. On September 26th a monumentous and once-in-a-life-time occasion will take place, I'll turn Seventeen! I'll probably be mentioning this fact quite a lot as the occasion draws near so in order to please my mother I shall say this, you are not obligated to buy my a present. In fact, if you want, you can just ignore the fact that I'm having a birthday and I won't post nasty things about you. However I really, really do like getting presents and since if I didn't mention it most people wouldn't know about my birthday and about what I want etc. so I will be mentioning such things and I'll try to remember to mention about non-obligation of getting my presents.

Now that that business has been taken care of I can go on. For those wonderful yous who actually are contemplating getting me a present here are some suggestions. (Mom told me not to post a wish list so I'll just post some suggestions). Although really, I'm kind of tired this evening and I still need to write on The FIrst Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange so I think I'll save the wish/suggestion list for another post. Though then again I'll probably post more later and just write something down now...

So here's the basics for the moment, I'll take anything. If nothing else I can use it for a movie prop. And naturally, it doesn't have to be expensive! After all if it's a choice between a inexpensive present and no present at all I'll take the inexpensive present any day! I like quite a few things at dollar stores and things at dollar stores cost almost less than a card and I'll have much more fun with them. Toy weapons work great in movies! There are a lot of neat things to be found in dollar stores, I typically prefer things from the craft, toy, and accessory sections.

Though of course I do like expensive presents when I can get them:)

Medium expensive things probably include fabric, trims, thread and things of that nature. I like play dolls and Barbie Clothes would make my Tiny Kitty dolls very happy. Accessories and props for movies are greatly appreciated. I really really like swords but their a bit hard to find. I've really enjoyed my Lord of the Rings Trading Card Game so any more cards for that would be really nice(especially really pretty female characters cards like Eowyn and Arwen. Also though these cards are not under the previous category I need some companion dwarves. I have tons of dwarf cards but no dwarves)! I like fairy tale princessy stuff, although I think I'm now reasonably stocked on Tiaras(I just got a new one last weekend:). However should I be given one I would probably still be delighted! Jewelry is also very nice especially if it is sparkly. I like things that are sparkly except for carbonated drinks. Those I don't like. Although I'm not sure if they are sparkly? Hmm... I wonder how that got in?

Then of course there are those really expensive things I'd like but I do not expect to get, like a purple porsche with the words Bethjoy.com in white letters on the hood, a broadcast quality video camera, a filming studio with blue screen, a new bicycle, Various expensive collector dolls from the DollMarket, and a million dollars to buy whatever I forgot to mention. Yes, I don't expect(or perhaps I should say, reasonably distantly hope for) any of those presents, with the exception perhaps of the broadcast quality video camera and the various collector dolls from the Dollmarket and maybe the bicycle since the brakes are somewhat broken on my current one and that makes stopping in a short distance after attaining great speed from going down two hills a rather interesting circumstance.

So at anyrate, my birthday will soon be here. And hopefully I won't annoy anybody by talking about presents too much. Any way, you got a nice long post because of it today! And I promise I won't start hinting about Christmas until after my birthday is over and past. Um, actually... Maybe that might be classified as a hint... Oh well. I suppose I'd better end this post right now and go work on The FIrst Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange which is currently about fourteen pages long and hopefully err long will be posted on Bethjoy.com.

Oops! I'm adding this in after posting the post. I had forgotten four presents that I would like. Number 1. Cash(I think that's fairly self explanatory). 2. Gift Cards(especially Walmart ones). 3. Loose Change(Preferably in large quantities but I'll take what I can get). 4. And this perhaps is the least expensive present of all, just walking up to me and saying, "Happy Birthday, I read your website and I think it's really neat!" or some other nice variation on that. So now I really must get started on todays writings of The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange. I'm an excellent procrastinator I'm almost ashamed to say.

I'm back home

Just so you know. I got to eat some ice cream!!! Or to be specific, a rice dream vanilla pie I think it was called. It was delicious and dipped in chocolate.

Good morning

I just thought I would say that. I have to go now and bid farewell to the internet for a while, at least until we get home tonight:) I've been having a fun time. I got to hold my new babt cousin a lot yesterday, she's sweet but very wriggly.

As I write this, I am sitting in a hotel room in Arkensas

In the previous post, which was written yesterday evening, I mentioned that I had just left for a trip that I had forgotten to mention that I was going on. Today more events have happened and the grand thing is, there is free internet in the hotel room!!! And I actually have my own hotel room! Isn't that grand!

I've been really spoiled this trip. We flew out first class and I got to have a Happy Meal with a nice toy for supper last night and we stayed at an embassy suites and I curled my hair last night and it turned out great today and I had a delicious breakfast. I think it's time for a new sentence. My mother's family is having a family reunion which is why we are here.

I have a new cousin whom I have posted about before so I got to meet her in person today. I suppose I should start at the beginning. This morning we drove from Memphis to Little Rock and arrived at my Uncle Charlie's house in time for lunch. After introductions and so forth we ate and I got a present! It was a little bag with "Personalized" stationary things. I got a set of pens, pencils, a notepad, and a set of erasers and a pencil sharpener all with Elizabeth on them, that was very nice and unexpected.

The next really nice and unexpected thing came in the form of a belated christmas present from one of my uncles. it was an absolutely gorgeous Tiara!!!

A lot more has happened this afternoon, of course, but right now I'm really tired and sleepy and I have two hours to nap in. So I'm probably going to take a nap now. This hotel is very close to a Walmart and that greatly adds to it's attractions. Free internet in the room is great too!

As I write this I am sitting in a rental car in Mephis

All today, more or less, I was preparing for my trip. I was astounded at just how much I remembered last minute and yet when I got on the airport I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to write a post mentioning that I was leaving... Oh well, at least I remembered to bring my computer! And quite a lot of other things.

I actually packed very light this trip. Mom packed my clothes in her suitcase so I was just bringing my camera, laptop, lots of dvd's, portable speakers for my computer, a few misc things and my new hair curlers!

I enjoyed my hair style of yesterday so much that when Mom went to Walmart that night she bought me some hair curlers. I used them last night and the effect was very, very, nice. Even this evening, after taking a nap and laying on my hair for some time, riding my bicycle quickly and wind blowing my hair, and the fact that it is over twelve hours since I took the hair curlers out, I still have some curl left! Not as greatly as I did this morning but still it's pretty impressive especially since my hair was not damp when I put the curlers in. I took some pictures but one of the things I've realised I forgot was the cable which connects my camera to my computer... Fortunatly it will probably still be there when I get home and I did remember to bring chargers for all of the technical devices I brought with me.

Something really nice about this trip was that we had first class seats!!! It was really nice! The service was excellant, the seats were comfortable, they had cashews instead of peanuts, and the flight was short! Far shorter than driving out there would be.

Hmm, I just realized that I probably haven't mentioned where I'm going to... I'm eventually going to Benton Arkensas but we flew to Memphis, they were out of direct flights to Little Rock so we flew to Memphis tonight and we are driving out to our furthest destination tomorrow morning after staying in Memphis tonight.

Currently we are trying to find our hotel. We've been driving for some time now since I'm writing this post in the car. Hopefully we'll find it soon. Oh, and in case I haven't mentioned it, it is currently Friday evening, probably the Friday evening before the date of this being posted because I can't post posts without being connected to the internet, yet...

My hair was cut today

I don't know whether or not I've mentioned it before on here but I am currently really wanting my hair to grow down to my waist. It currently is about mid back length, when wet. Being that it is inclined to grow slowly getting it cut(or "trimmed" as Mom says) is usually a traumatic experience, except for when it isn't. Today was one of the days when it was grand fun!!! Primarily because our hair stylist seemed to be bored and she curled my hair! Oh, it looked sooooo gorgeous when she was done with it... I went straight home and got into a costume and pulled out my camera... Actually I pulled out my still camera in the hair salon and took several pictures and then when I got home I pulled out my video camera. Here are three pictures.

Since I had no script and using my computer to write one had a high probability of messing up my hair I just filmed with the camera. I was thinking of make a silent black and white film and putting in the words and figuring out the plot later but... That didn't show up my hair well enough... So instead I made a "Foreign Film" with a voice over since I had recorded all of my footage without sound. If you can figure out what is going on in the movie then I congratulate you, I have no idea myself...

Watch Original Movie

However despite the fact that I don't really know what's happening I'm going to try and translate the language and put captions in the movie so that it might possibly make more sense. Possibly...

Watch Movie with Captions

Actually it does seem to make sense now. Perhaps at some future point I'll put in some captions that will make it not make sense unless you are studying deeply the underlying symbolism... :)

I really, really, enjoyed my hair being so curly and pretty today. I'll probably wear it like that for my wedding maybe. That, however, is an event in the far distant future and I highly doubt I've met the groom yet... However I'm very sure that God has a special somebody out their for me and I'll just wait for him.

I hope you enjoyed this post!