The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange
Written by Elizabeth Joy Von Fange (who else?)
Chapter One
Forward and Introduction
It is my personal belief that the first few sentences of a story are often the hardest ones of the tale, up to that point. It is often very difficult to start a story and pick which point the tale or story told should begin. The reason I mention this is because I’ve started this particular story quite a few times already and haven’t gotten anywhere so perhaps I’ll just write another opening later if I don’t think that this one is good enough.
The main purpose of this story(I suppose this sounds more like a forward than the beginning of a tale. Oh Well.) is merely to provide me with a very easy story to write(I hope) that I can write in a style similar to that which I would use on Bethjoy.com if I want to write in that style or if I want to write in any other style I can do that as well for in this story Quantity and not necessarily Quality is going to be in the forefront for I purpose to write a story of excess of twenty-five pages and if this tale will go to fifty pages or a hundred I shall be even more pleased and if somebody actually reads it I shall be even happier, especially if they like it but that may be too much to hope for.
This tale, I hope, will be easy to write for several reasons, the first is that it is going to be a fantasy story in a fantasy world which means that though it may be based in fact does not necessarily have to stick with it. The second reason is that I am going to be the heroine, or at least the heroine of this story is going to be based on me more or less though she may be more of either what I would wish to be or what fits in well with the story. The third reason is that I am going to be more or less in complete charge of this book and all of the characters in it will have to do as I tell them, if I want them to do so. Therefore I am going to have the ultimate power of an Authoress. In conclusion this story should be fun because “Logical Reason and Sense Tra La have little to do with this thing!”
The main character of this story is, as I have mentioned, me, Elizabeth Joy Von Fange and at the time of writing this sentence I am sixteen though I am rapidly approaching seventeen. I have brown hair which comes down about midway down my back and I have brown eyes and I think I might be considered to be fairly pretty.
However for the purposes of this story I’m going to make a few slight changes to myself so I’m going to lengthen my hair so that it falls in rippling brown waves down to my waist and I’ll probably upgrade my entire look to “Dazzlingly Beautiful” if a suitable occasion arises and the matter is not otherwise provided for. Being that I like to dress up in beautiful gowns a lot, in the beginning of the story I think that I shall wear a crimson velvet medieval gown with a very full skirt and train and long flowing sleeves with gold trim about the edges.
Amongst other things I think I shall have a sharp sword of elegant and light make with perhaps jewels on it’s scabbard but as doubtless this sword will play a great part in the tale I think that I shall mention it in detail when the details become important.
The opening setting I think will be next. I’m very fond of seeing majestic mountains in the background so those will go into place. I also like sparkling waterfalls and pleasant glades of trees so there are plenty of those about. In fact at the onset of the story I think I shall be standing in a glade on the side of a mountain overlooking a peaceful and prosperous valley and there will probably be a waterfall nearby though I certainly won’t stand under it, one should avoid standing underneath waterfalls for objects may float down from above and then fall upon one’s head and severely damage or kill one. And that last sentence was a bit of stark reality that I put in in order to warn whoever is reading this against standing beneath waterfalls. Also because I’m sure my Mother would like this story to have some good advice in it.
As I like castles very much I think that on a hill in the valley there shall be a very large one. It will be white with many towers that have conical gold roofs that glisten in the sun. Around the castle there will be a moat for defensive purposes and also to give the eight slithering sea monsters, who just insisted on being in the tale, a place to live.
In addition to this, since such a place is rather important, somewhere in the valley there will either be a WAL-MART or something like it where I can go shopping as I greatly enjoy going shopping.
Now standing in a pleasant forest glade, though it may be enjoyable, is not really what I enjoy doing the most, and it certainly pales beside going shopping, and after standing there long enough for me to finish writing this opening the me in the story told the me who is writing the story that the beautiful white castle with its shining towers would probably be a more interesting place to be.
Obligingly I give my permission to go there however there is a slight difficulty, which I intentionally put in, for the castle is some distance away.
Since walking is certainly not one of my favorite pastimes that was out of the question, at least for the present, so instead I gave out a clear call and waited.
A few minutes later a beautiful white winged horse with a shining horn of clear diamond flew towards me and landed. I approached politely and eagerly stroked it’s soft exterior(I wasn’t not sure whether to say, “Fur”, “Hair”, “feathers” or something else but why get stuck over a technicality). Soon I mounted it and speedily, though not so fast that the journey was unpleasant, it took me to the castle.
This particular sort of creature of fantasy is probably one of my favorites. I really like winged horses though I seldom have the opportunity of riding them. However in this story I have a feeling I’ll be riding them frequently though I might be mistaken about that.
The winged horse soon reached the castle and landed in the main courtyard and I dismounted and the winged horse flew off, though I knew it would probably come again if I called it. I walked towards the great gates of the castle while thinking that in our world a castle that size was bound to have a gift shop. This being a fantasy world however it was not guaranteed.
The gates were open for, though I may have neglected to mention it before, it was about mid day and the sun was shining and peace was in the land and many were going in and out of the castle. I entered and was not challenged by the guards who, seeing that I had arrived on a winged horse, doubtless thought that I was somebody of importance who had been summoned to the great council that was to be held in the castle that day at two thirty.
It was now two o’clock or so and I was not in a great hurry to arrive at the council before it started so I slowly walked towards the castle admiring its beauties and looking to see if there was a gift shop. There was but as I did not immediately see the words “Sale” or “Clearance” or even “Ten Percent Off” written anywhere within it I decided to investigate it after the council.
The architecture of the castle was very beautiful and quite varied though all was pleasant to behold. Not being able to describe furnishings well, or even being able to look at them for long(the home decorating parts of stores almost always give me a head ache) I will not describe any of the rooms unless It is important to the story, and maybe not even then.
The castle was quite large and the council chamber was a trifle bit hard to find for it was intentionally designed to be so as it was considered by the builders of the castle that anybody who couldn’t find it probably didn’t need to be at the council anyway.
However precisely two minutes before Two Thirty I arrived at the council chamber. It was a large room with walls of grey stone. The roof was arched and pillars reached up from the ground to the roof. In the center of the room was a table on which things could be placed. There were, however, no chairs or other furnishings. The room, though well built, had very little decoration for the builders considered that elegant carvings and so forth would perhaps be a distraction and the absence of chairs would make sure that the council reached their decisions somewhat more quickly than otherwise would have been so.
Several persons were there before me. Many were obviously wise lore-masters of the realms, some appeared to be of warrior sort and there were several miscellaneous types.
If there had been a table at which all sat probably at the head of it would have been an old man who seemed wiser and more learned than any of the others there. He stood at the head of the room, more or less.
No one was speaking, and indeed no one spoke until the clock struck two thirty. All seemed waiting for something, and I think that it was to see who would arrive late to the council. Indeed, when thirty seconds later another lore-master arrived rather out of breath and puffing everyone was capable of staring intently at him. But this was short lived for at that moment a messenger arrived, rather out of breath, and stated that he had urgent news of greatest import for great peril was come upon the lands.
I wondered what he would say. At first I thought that perhaps a dark lord had arisen and was about to cover the lands in darkness, but no, I thought, that would not be original enough. Then I thought that perhaps the squirrels of the north were having their acorns stolen from them by a herd of ferocious anteaters but that, though perhaps original, was not quite perilous enough to threaten the realms and lands of the world and trouble the councils of the wise.
Pausing my thought I looked up and wondered why the messenger hadn’t spoken and wondered why he had not yet communicated his news. He looked back at me imploringly and coughed nervously as he became increasingly more aware of everyone staring at him.
Then I realized that he was waiting for me to think up what news he was bringing to trouble the councils of the wise. I thought for a moment and then an idea came that both original and perilous enough for the purpose of this book.. Triumphantly I said, “I’ve got it!” and then blushed while everyone in the council turned an inquiring eye towards me. However they soon transferred their attention back to the messenger who quickly began to communicate the news,
“A ferocious army of thousands of ant eaters are roaming through the lands taking all acorns in sight and devouring them and are no longer interested in their task of keeping down the ant population! Ants are now multiplying rapidly throughout the lands and no more oak trees are beginning to grow! The Mines of Jewels have been flooded by a great spring of water and the nearby chocolate factories have also been engulfed causing the production of chocolate to plummet! And” he paused for breath and to allow the dire news that he had already given a chance to sink in, “And” he began, forgetting that he had already said it, “Two dark lords have arisen and have entered into a competition with each other to see who can conquer more of the free lands of this world first. The winner is to have the hand in marriage of the fair princess Beautifulia the fairest princess in all of the realms!”
At this all of the men present under the age of fifty who were yet unmarried stood to their feet and one, voicing the thought of the rest said, “That is dire news indeed, she is much to fair to be wasted upon a dark lord!”
“Indeed” said the eldest and chief of the wise lore-masters who, by the way, was commonly called the Aged Lore-master, “The news you bring is indeed dire and there is something in it that will bring sorrow to anyone. The loss of acorns will sorrow squirrels, ecologists, foresters, sawmill owners, carpenters, and many others. The excess of ants will be sorrowful news indeed to picnickers and the flooding of the Mines of Jewels will doubtless bring sorrow to all but the jewelers who can now greatly raise their prices and get away with it. The depletion of the chocolate market will also be a tragedy to all, except perhaps those who are trying to go on a diet, And as for the last matter, who of any of the realms would wish the lovely Princess Beautifulia to be forced into a marriage against her will to a dark lord?”
“But what is to be done?” was what most there thought of saying when the Aged Lore-master finished speaking, and eventually, after about ten minutes of trying to appear wise and prudent, somebody finally said it.
“That is what we must decide.” was all that the Aged Lore-master would say, at that time.
26/8/05
For several minutes all pondered. Then, at last, one of the young warriors, who seemed surprisingly intelligent for his age, spoke, “I think that the first thing to do would be to defeat the two dark lords and then debate about what is to be done with the other problems”
This was rapidly agreed to and Tom, for so the young warrior was named, was generally applauded for having simplified the situation.
Then silence reigned for another few minutes while all thought only of the problem of the two dark lords. I was growing tired of standing for I do not like standing for long periods of time since my feet will begin to hurt so I sat down on an elegant chair with soft white velvet cushions. Where this chair came from is going to be one of the unexplained mysteries of the book.
Another young warrior, the younger brother of Tom, wished also to say something extremely intelligent that would show those assembled that he was not inferior in intelligence with his brother. So Dick, for that was his name, said, “I think we ought to destroy the two dark lords.”
This was a very good statement but it was almost too obvious to have too much fuss made over it. Dick was disappointed but that didn’t prevent him from saying, “I suppose there is some way to do it. I know of at least one dark lord who was destroyed by destroying a ring.”
“Neither of these dark lords have rings of power.” The Aged Lore-master said.
Dick thought for a few more minutes then said, “How about throwing water over them?”
This statement only brought amused glances and raised eyebrows and the Aged Lore-master’s comment “I don’t think that would work.”
“Perhaps we can raise an army and attack them and destroy them by use of the sword?” a tall general asked.
“Possibly,” the aged lore-master said, “However one of the dark lords lives in a castle suspended in air and the only way to get there, save by flying, is across a narrow bridge that will only allow one to pass at a time with a drop of over a thousand feet down for those who fall from it. In addition to this he has hoards of fierce and deadly archers on his walls who have never been known to miss. The other dark lord lives, well, actually even I don’t know where he dwells or even what he looks like. Which means that it would probably be difficult to find him and I do remember a rumor about his being impervious to any wound given by a sword,”
“In that case he should probably be attacked with some other weapon than a sword.” I said. This caused the attention of the council to be drawn towards me and the Aged Lore-master was about to say something, probably to inform me of the rule against chairs, when Harry, the younger brother of Tom and Dick, decided that it was his turn to say something extremely intelligent and unexpected, “I move that we adjourn for supper.” he said.
The aged lore-master turned towards him, “It is not yet three o’clock.”
“Then let us adjourn for lunch!” Harry undauntedly proposed.
His motion was seconded by one of the miscellaneous characters who was rather large of girth and obviously found of eating and the aged lore-master gave in, probably because one can still think while eating and certainly one can often think better after it.
The council then departed from the council chamber and moved towards the main dining room. A meal was not ready for the cooks had not been expecting that one would be required at that hour but they soon got to work and began preparing something.
All were glad to be seated at the tables. I was seated next to Harry, and he being but a lad of twelve took very little notice of me, unlike Tom and Dick who, not having any food in front of them, were able to occupy there minds with other matters. I haven’t decided yet who was sitting on the other side of me or whether there even will be somebody there.
A servitor brought me a glass full of milk and as I sipped this I thought upon the situation. And thus it was, while I drank milk, an idea came that seemed brilliant.
“I have it!” I said. All eyes turned towards me. “It seems that attacking the two dark lords in their present state would be almost hopeless and would certainly cost many lives, and one dark lord we do not even know the location of. What we do know however is that they are willing to fight for the hand of Princess Beautifulia so I propose that we find princess Beautifulia and bring her here, or somewhere, then propose to the two dark lords that the one who wins in single combat will receive her hand in marriage. Then the two dark lords will fight and one will doubtless kill the other and that will solve half of the problem. Then I have no doubt that the other dark lord will be wounded and then as many warriors as it takes could successively challenge him in single combat for the hand of the princess until finally he would be defeated and the princess could marry the victor.”
This idea was received with wild enthusiasm by all the warriors who were yet unmarried and who might be able to stand a chance at getting the princess. Nearly everyone else thought it was a good plan. The Aged Lore-master stood up in his chair at the head of the table and said,
“Indeed it is a good plan that you suggest. And as reward for suggesting it I shall appoint you as the leader of the company who shall go go and rescue the princess and bring her back here. You may choose whichever companions you will and if they are willing, they shall go with you. May good fortune be with you.” Then the Aged Lore-master sat down and began eating the soup that had just been set in front of him. Soup now being served out to everyone there was silence in the room, except for the sound of slurping.
Harry quickly drained his soup with slightly more noise than anybody else in the room, though his brothers came very close to outdoing him, and then he turned to me and said.
“What about bringing us with you? It sounds like a grand adventure and my brother Tom has always wanted to meet Princess Beautifulia.”
“I don’t doubt that.” I said, for Tom was nineteen and quite old enough to want to meet the most beautiful princess in all the lands. “I suppose the three of you can come with me, but you’ll have to behave yourselves.”
Harry then turned his attention back to the food in front of him leaving me to my thoughts. I was still a little surprised at being chosen to lead the expedition and I wasn’t yet sure of whether or not I was happy about about it. However, I finally said to myself, I was chosen and that was that, unless I wanted to go back and hit the delete button and write in somebody else to lead the expedition. However leading an expedition might be fun. Especially, and here I grinned, since I was the Authoress and might be able to delete any all swarms of mosquitoes or other insects that might come and bother me.
29/8/05
The next thing I thought of was that there had not yet been any sort of a battle yet in the tale and no one had had the opportunity to show their prowess with a sword. As I was pondering this a grey-green monster of large size entered the banquet hall by climbing through the open window that faced towards the east. He then proceeded to roar and begin devouring everything in sight. This would not have been strange, for it was almost what everyone else was doing but instead of eating normal things like meat, soup, and bread the monster was briskly devouring all the tables and chairs, wall coverings and tapestries, statues and miscellaneous furnishings that it was near. Then one of the warriors stood up, right before his chair was devoured, and mentioned that the creature was a Crunchalot and that usually when these fell beasts finished devouring the furnishings they would have the guests for the main course.
This would have caused a panic if one had not already been in process and nearly everyone leapt to their feet and groped for weapons. being that it was a feast most had left their weapons elsewhere so as to not be encumbered with them and some there had none. Many rushed to find weapons. Some quickly grabbed furnishings with the intention of attacking the monster, and some were far too busy eating to notice that anything out of the ordinary was going on. Attacking the monster with furnishings soon proved quite useless for the monster would merely eat what was handed to him and go on about his business.
I was sitting in my seat debating on whether or not I should go forward and slay the monster since I had an excellent sword with which to do it but then again it was probably time for some new character to heroically slay the monster and perhaps then, and here I grinned slightly, they could be appointed to accompany me on the adventure as a reward for slaying the monster. With this decision I sat quiet and looked about expectantly and soon something happened.
The monster was beginning on a rather larger table than usual and one of the occupants sitting at it who had before been too busy eating to notice anything out of the ordinary was suddenly made aware of the situation by finding no table in front of them. The monster then being classified as a menace to diners everywhere the young adventurer stood up and drew her sword and proceeded to attack the monster.
Considering her fondness of eating Rella(the person mentioned in the last sentence) had to have had a very high metabolism rate(if you don’t know what that is it would probably prove very educational to look it up.) for she was quite slim but she dealt deadly blows with her great sword and soon the monster would eat no more. Rella then sat down and, after straightening what was left of the table, sat waiting in eager expectation for the next course which came rather swiftly considering the circumstances.
Things now were straightened up and the Queen of the castle was actually more pleased than not for she now had an excellent excuse to redecorate the main banquet hall of the castle. Once those who had gone for weapons had come back and found that they were a little bit too late to do any good had sat down the next course was brought and everybody began eating again.
There were no further interruptions while the main part of the meal lasted but when dessert came with it came a band of “entertainers”. Their first act was to sing out in rather unmelodious voices a song that was obviously of their own composition and went to a tune that was rather unpredictable.
The seven seas flow towards the ocean
But they never quite get there
Why they don’t we don’t care
But it makes a good song.
Tra La La La
The Seven Swans of South Somerset
Sit and sit and sit and sit
And never seem to get
But what we don’t know
Tra La La La
The Ice that melts into the glass
Has no sense of what is past
Or even why it’s in the glass
And so let’s let the question pass
Tra La La La
The feathered starling and spotted thrush
Flit and Fly and Fly and Flit
And tag each other and say “You’re It”
And so do we! (We think.)
Tra La La La
The Stars above in the heaven bright
Are shining bright during the night
And light the way for many a knight
Whom we know nothing of
Tra La La La
The song that one sings in a hall so grand
Is often heard by noble guests
While the sun sinks in the west
Which is just as it should be
Tra La La La
Around this point I stopped listening to the song, for it had reached it’s conclusion. Many were glad and therefore clapped loudly their approval of it’s being over. Others were less enthusiastic in their praise thinking that it might be considered as reflecting on the performance and not the conclusion.
The entertainers thinking that they had sufficient encouragement to continue began to do an acrobatic act which I didn’t bother to watch for my attention was busy on savoring the desert in front of me. It was a very delicious chocolate cake of a very rich and sweet consistency. Usually if I ate more than a crumb or two of such a desert it would shortly lead to dire consequences to my health but being that this is a fantasy story… Let us just say that I don’t expect any unpleasant results to arrive from my devouring twenty such deserts.
The feast was nearing it’s conclusion, especially since it was only supposed to be a light lunch and there was still much business to be done. And that is probably what I should go attend to now as the feast has just reached it’s conclusion while I was talking. I approached the Aged Lore-master and stated who I wanted to take on the quest with me and all agreed to go, though some took a slight bit of persuading. Among my choices were Tom, Dick, and Harry, and of course Rella the slayer of the Crunchalot.
Then it was time to begin preparations for departure as I intended to leave the next morning at nine. I don’t particularly like waking up early you see, even in fantasy stories.
Chapter Two
The Quest Commences though it sort of did that in the previous chapter
8/30/05
The next morning dawned bright and fair, though I didn’t see it do so for I slept far past the dawn. I finally woke up at eight thirty-five and had just enough enough time to quickly dress in an elegant gown of dark green velvet with puffed sleeves and a yard long train, rush through breakfast, and then arrive at the courtyard were the members of the expedition were supposed to meet about five minutes before we were supposed to start.
Everyone else was there already and I was quite glad to see that they all were so punctual. It was the time for a grand setting out speech but since we were supposed to leave in a few minutes and since I hadn’t thought up a grand speech to make and since I thought I’d probably have quite a few opportunities for grand speeches later on in the adventure I let the Aged Lore-master make the speech.
“My friends,” he said, “You are about set out on a quest to find the Princess Beautifulia whom, we think, is being held a prisoner in the Tower of Nesirp which is far from here. Your purpose will be to find her and bring her back to this place. Though perhaps I err in saying that, your purpose is to bring about the downfall of the two dark lords and should you see a more effective and better way of doing that than the way proposed then by all means do it. Farewell!”
All had listened gravely while he spoke and now all prepared to start. There was no sign of surprise about the shortness of the Aged Lore-master’s speech for he had spoken slowly and though he had not said much he had taken a great deal of time to say it.
As the leader of the company I led the way out of the castle and down the road wondering why I hadn’t arranged some other sort of transport to the Tower of Nesirp than walking. However, I thought, there may be time enough to alter that.
The day was pleasant, as I think I’ve already stated, and as I was the one leading we went along at a leisurely pace. Occasionally I would look behind me to make sure that Everybody was there, and he was. Why somebody would name their son Everybody is beyond me but Everybody’s parents had. Despite the oddness of his name he was quite an excellent warrior and especially skilled at slaying dragons. He also had a very cheerful disposition and was always trying to find the bright side of things and in keeping with this he was quite glad that he was not named Who or Nobody.
The other companions on the quest were usually there when I looked behind to see if they were. Harry had a tendency to run off the path and investigate berry bushes growing on the side of the road. He would then catch the company up, usually with his hands filled with sweet juicy berries which he ate as walked along.
Perhaps the first of the adventures came when we approached a toll bridge and I realized I’d forgotten to bring any money along with me. However there was a provision for those who had forgotten their money and all we had to do was hop up and down on one leg while rubbing our stomaches and patting our heads and reciting the whole alphabet backwards. Harry was the best at this but Everybody wasn’t far behind.
We crossed the bridge and it did not break under the weight of our company and we continued along the way. I was thinking and trying to figure out why I’d forgotten to bring such an important thing as money along with me when I remembered that I’d only been in this story for less than a day and hadn’t had time to get any yet. However the matter was soon taken care of for a strange bird that seemed to be a cross between an eagle and a greenback dropped a pouch full of money in front of me and knowing that it was done very intentionally and for my benefit I picked it up and went on more confidently.
We had been going on for about three hours when it was agreed unanimously by the company that it was time for lunch. We halted. We wanted to begin eating lunch but no lunch appeared. I realized that money was not the only the thing I’d forgotten to bring for I had not brought any food with me. Apparently nobody else, with the exception of Harry who had already eaten what he’d brought, had brought any food with him.
The thoughts of the company once this discovery was made were somewhat diverse. Some thought that there must have been some bungling in the planning of the expedition. Some thought “I’m hungry”. Some didn’t think at all. And a few thought that doubtlessly this seeming oversight was all part of the plan and nothing to be worried about at all. In fact, the last thought was more or less correct because I did plan it this way, though the story me didn’t know about it, because I enjoy going shopping and I hadn’t gotten to yet in the book.
The company began marching again. We were journeying in a somewhat hilly and wooded terrain and the road twisted and wound a great deal. And, after approximately the next bend in the road, we saw it. It nearly took our breath away for it was a large store which seemed to be like fantasy equivalent of a WAL-MART Supercenter. It was called The Mega Adventurer’s Supply Center. We entered.
I went straight to the footwear section after leisurely perusing the beautiful gowns section, the fabric section, the sword section, and the toy section. I soon selected a pair of sturdy brown leather boots that were very comfortable since the dainty slippers I had been wearing had high heels and were rather uncomfortable for walking in.
Then I proceeded to the clothing section and selected some garments more suited to adventuring, amongst them a rather full green skirt, a brown vest, and a cream colored blouse with short puffed sleeves.
Next I decided to enter the section of the store that had packs. I really didn’t relish the idea of having to carry a great weight of supplies on my back but as we would probably be facing many perils and perhaps be in places were no stores were, it was a necessary evil. I looked at large packs and small packs and leather packs and cloth packs and back packs and side bags, but couldn’t find anything that I wanted to carry. Until finally, I found it. Hidden away in corner was a pack that I fell in love with almost at once.
The pack was on clearance because it had accidently been shipping to the wrong store, it had been intended for the Mega Galactic Adventurer’s Supply Center and had come to the Mega Adventurer’s Supply Center by accident and since the cost of freight between the Fantasy and Science Fiction worlds was ridiculously high… Well suffice it say, it was there, though it wasn’t going to be for long.
The main really nice thing about this pack was the anti-gravity mechanism on the bottom which would completely equalize any weight(up to a certain point which I’m not mentioning because it would be too many zeros to write down, suffice it to say it was somewhat close to infinity) that was placed on it so that the person bearing the pack would feel almost no weight at all. That was enough for me to decide to buy it and the additional features were just icing on the cake.
Perhaps the nicest additional feature was the adjustable seat that would fold down for the person carrying the back to sit on and the jet propulsion units which would enable one to merely sit and have a ride instead of walking. The pack was solar powered, however in case of being in places were there wasn’t any sun it would also run off water, carbon dioxide, salt, and acorns.
I now felt that I really didn’t need limit my purchases as much as I had thought necessary before purchasing the pack and I went about more cheerfully. I decided to attend to more important business first and sensibly went to the food section to purchase quite a lot of food that would last indefinitely and still taste good. In the small refrigerating unit of my pack I placed a lot of milk that I bought. I like drinking milk.
After taking care of my food supplies I went back around the store and continued looking around in blissful enjoyment until Rella found me and mentioned that it was getting dark outside and it was probably time to set up camp. I was surprised to hear this and as we walked towards the exit of the store I stopped and bought a watch. Time flies when you are having fun.
8/31/05
I soon had rejoined my companions who had set up camp a short distance away from the store. All had made some sort of purchases for the journey but none had had quite my shopping success.
“Well, what now?” I said. They looked at me in a way that clearly expressed that I was the one to think of it. This somewhat of a problem for though I had foreseen shopping and planned to do so beyond that event I had thought but little, and other than the fact that I would probably be rescuing the Princess Beautifulia from the Tower of Nesirp. However shadows were lengthening now and it was probable that staying were we were might be a good idea and yet we hadn’t really traveled very far that day.
I looked at my companions but they really didn’t inspire me to make a decision. I then looked back towards the Mega Adventurer’s Super store and I saw that their outdoor lawn and garden section also had a section for horses. That decided me. I could do some more shopping and then we could ride on our way and make up for lost time. I suggested that we go look at mounts and few had objections.
As we walked over towards that section I began thinking that that perhaps my mandatory type-one-page-a-day rule was turning out some rather unfunny stuff but then I considered that this was an adventure story and did not necessarily have to be funny.
There were enough good horses to mount our company but Tom, who wished to show his intelligence, suggested that we should try to get something faster for mounts. Dick, also wishing to show is intelligence, suggested that humming birds were very fast creatures. Harry however was more practical than his brother and pointed out the eagles.
These trained mounts were quite excellent in points of speed and endurance being far larger than common eagles of our time however, as I pointed out, they really wouldn’t do because in the works of Tolkien eagles were quite frequently used for transporting characters and it would probably be borrowing too much to use them now.
Harry continued to supply arguments in favor of his decision by stating that Tolkien’s characters went on quests and after all there was a dark lord about to take over everything in this story too.
I replied by stating that in this story we have not one but two dark lords, plus armies of acorn eating anteaters and that so far I was attempting to be slightly original, or at least increasing quantities until things did become original.
We probably would have gone on for quite some in this manner if just at that moment two dragons hadn’t swooped down started attacking us.
Debates of originality and mounts were stopped for a moment while we took care of business and we probably would have swiftly dispatched the dragons if Rella, wishing to prove that she was not deficient in intelligence, suggested that we use the dragons for mounts.
This was much easier said than done. For one thing there really wasn’t a comfortable place to sit on the dragons and for another thing the dragons seemed intent on trying to have us for lunch, or supper rather since it was evening. However the dragons were free and doubtlessly an exceptional bargain and since I have seldom been able to resist exceptional bargains I agreed.
As leader of the company I decided it was probably up to me to tame the dragons, especially since my conscience told me that I hadn’t really done very much to aid the company since my becoming leader.
Drawing my sword I began waving it about slowly and methodically while saying “You are getting very sleepy.” It didn’t seem to work and the dragons continued fighting. I then proceeded onto my next method.
4/9/05
Thinking that perhaps reverse psychology might work I told them not to let us get on them and take us wherever we wanted to go, and they didn’t! I was trying to think of another method to use, but I couldn’t. I could use the power of an authoress to make the dragons suddenly tame and friendly but I really didn’t want to do that because, if I made things too easy for the company, the story might be a little less interesting, not to mention much shorter.
Thinking about length made me wonder whether a long bit of epic poetry might subdue the dragons to our will, or perhaps bore them into a trance like state. However I didn’t really think I knew any epic poetry so I decided to recite this instead,
Two little dragons, oh so sweet.
Two little dragons, such a treat.
Though we don’t want them to eat
But merely as a rest for weary feet.
Two little dragons, won’t you stop?
Two little dragons, your quarrel drop
And on your backs let us hop
Whilst your wings gently flop
“Two little dragons…” I was about to begin another verse when the two rather large dragons turned in my direction and roared a roar filled with fire to indicate their disgust at being called “Little” and “Sweet”. I stopped using my poetry and felt quite glad that there was an anti-flame device on my pack which prevented my from getting burned, or even singed.
However the fire preventer/sprinkler system was alerted by the flames to turn on, and it did so, and in a few moments two very wet and very dejected dragons were still being soaked. They didn’t like water you see.
I then offered them, in exchange for a promise of good behavior and taxi services, an umbrella and they in their desperation agreed and in a few minutes more our company was off.
We split our company fairly evenly between the two dragons. Rella, who seemed to be very accustomed to dragons, took charge of one whilst I took charge of the other. I really didn’t care to have the front and commanding position of the dragon, especially since it was so uncomfortable not to mention wet for the dragons hadn’t dried off yet, but from the various groans and complaints emitted from behind me I judged that the other seats weren’t much more comfortable.
The dragons flew off in the direction of the Tower of Nesirp and I hoped that they were fast flyers and could get there soon.
In comparison to a snail or even an elephant the dragons could move along at a pretty good rate of speed. In comparison to a an airplane which one would go to the air port and get on and then two hours later arrive after your flight and be over 1,000 miles away from where you were, the dragons were relatively slow.
The moon was not yet at it’s full, which is probably a good thing because it would be a pity to waste a full moon on an unromantic and bumpy flight on a dragon. However the moon would soon be full and probably would be full by the time we reached Princess Beautifulia though I wasn’t sure of that. I didn’t know how far away the legendary Tower of Nesirp was, or even in which direction it lay! This thought disquieted me but the dragons seemed to know where they were going and Nobody seemed to think we were going in the right direction and he was considered to be quite an authority on geography. Nobody and Everybody were rather great friends, and their friendship was primarily cemented by the fact that they both had somewhat unusual names. Personally I thought that the name Xanderfuluff was a more unusual name than Everybody and Nobody but as nobody named Xanderfuluff was among the present company I don’t think I’ll mention the name any further.
5/9/05
The dragons continued flying on in the direction that they were going in. Far below us we could briefly hear the mournful wail of a Gypsy singing a sad song but all the words we could catch were burning, moonbeams, stew, campfire, and dumplings. What the song was about I really couldn’t figure out but soon I had other things on my brain.
For one thing a phalanx of flying swans was flying in more or less the same direction as us and one of the swans decided to perch on my head and take a break. Most of the swans, however, decided to leave the vicinity of us after one of the dragons altered his course slightly in order to grab a light snack but the swan on my head stayed put, perhaps because it was tired or perhaps because it thought that it was out of reach of the dragons there.
I was beginning to be tired of having a swan perched on my head and was about to give it a hint to be off when it spoke. “I am Plenora the Swan of Great Wisdom. Whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?”
“I am Elizabeth Von Fange of the Many Talents.” I said in reply, hoping that I was the one the swan was addressing.
“Then, Elizabeth Von Fange of the Many Talents, I have a bit of news for you.”
“What is it?” I asked after a pause of three minutes during which I was trying to figure out if it was my turn to say something.
“It is about your quest!” the swan said in an awe inspiring voice. “Before untying the white cockatoo you should first feed the spotted parrot!”
“What?” I said in a puzzled voice.
The swan hopped off my head and positioned itself so that it could look me in the eye then said, “Didn’t you receive your instructions from the old Thrush?”
“No,” I said, “I was sent on this mission by the Aged Lore-master.”
“But aren’t you seeking the lost Birdfeeder of Gnitea?”
“No,” I said again, “I’m trying to destroy two dark lords.”
“Well, pardon me!” The swan said in an almost pompous tone, “There seems to be a case of mistake identity here. Goodbye.” Then it flew off rather briskly in another direction and I was not exactly sorry to see it go.
I then began wondering whether or not there was another Elizabeth Von Fange of the Many Talents around and if that actually was my title. Perhaps technically I was Elizabeth Joy Von Fange the Authoress of this story instead of Elizabeth Von Fange of the Many Talents but I did like the idea of being both.
My thoughts, however, were interrupted by Rella flying her dragon next to me and asking when I planned to halt for the night. This I hadn’t quite thought about yet so I asked her about how long she thought we should keep on going that night. Rella replied,
“It’s better to journey in the morning instead of late at night.”
“Yes,” said Dick, “After all, early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”
‘”Well,” I said looking ahead into the plains below, “I think we’ll stay at that inn there.” I said pointing to a large one a short distance ahead, “Hopefully they’ll have stabling for dragons.”
“And hopefully the dragons will stay there.” was said, but I’m not quite sure who said it though I suspect it was Tom showing his wisdom off but it might have been someone else.
We landed without great difficulty and all were very glad to get off the dragons. I went into the inn and inquired about accommodations. As it wasn’t the height of the traveling season there were enough accommodations for us. A meal was prepared and we all ate then all went to bed.
I was about to drift off to sleep when I realized with an uncomfortable feeling that though I was now at a good point for the end of Chapter Two and the beginning of Chapter Three I really hadn’t written enough page wise to merit this.
But I was tired and when one is tired one will(if that one is me) sometimes just wait until the next morning to fix the situation.
6/9/05
The next morning arrived with a bang, or to be more specific Rella was knocking loudly on my door. I said, “What?” in a sleepy tone as I slowly opened my eyes.
“The dragons are gone!” Rella yelled through the door.
“What Dragons?” I was about to say when I moved and found that I was quite sore and then I remembered we’d been riding on dragons the previous night.
“Good.” I said without thinking any further and I was about to go back to sleep when Rella’s voice said, “It’s time to get up! The dawn has come and the day is begun.”
I got up and dressed and grabbed my pack and opened the door a few minutes later. It does not take one long to get ready if one doesn’t undress much and if one doesn’t unpack at all. Fortunately this being a fantasy story my hair always managed to remain untangled in the morning.
“So the dragons are gone.” I said in a calm and thoroughly wide awake tone of voice.
“Yes,” Rella said in a somewhat exasperated tone, “I went out to see them this morning and get them ready for todays journey and they were gone!”
“I suppose we’ll have to get some new mounts then.” I said.
“That or walk.” Rella said. She then walked off and I think that she was thinking that I was not the wisest or most apt leader for the quest that we were on and that I stated the obvious too much.
I didn’t mind that she didn’t think very grandly of me, primarily because being the authoress of the story I had some vague ideas about what was going to be happening to Rella throughout the story and I grinned slightly at the irony of situations that might possibly arise.
Then I went downstairs to see about breakfast, mounts, and find out if I could where the Tower of Nesirp was. I decided to do the first and last of these things first. I ordered breakfast and purchased a map at the inn’s store.
While eating I studied the map. The Tower of Nesirp wasn’t on it so I went back to the store and bought a book entitled, “Factual Facts about Mythical Myths” and proceeded to try and found information about the Tower of Nesirp in that.
I did find out some information about the Tower of Nesirp. According to the book, though the exact location of the tower was not known, it presumably was on the top of a very steep mountain and could not be reached by climbing. Presumably there was a large desert around the solitary mountain on which the Tower of Nesirp was. There were several other facts about the tower but I was primarily concerned at the moment with figuring out where it was so I looked on my map for solitary mountains surrounded by deserts and I found two of them on the map. One was to the south and the other was to the north, approximately, of the inn were I was now at. I was trying to figure out which way we had been going the previous night by the position of the sun the previous day but I wasn’t figuring it out I suddenly remembered that I just needed to see where the castle was that we had started out from to figure out what direction we had been going in. Our starting point was to the south so I decided that it was possible that the Northern Lonely Mountain was probably the mountain that the Tower of Nesirp was on.
Carefully stowing the map and the book in my pack I finished eating my breakfast and paid for it then set out to look for some new mounts. Since the mountain was unclimbable and the dessert on the map looked very wide a mount that could fly would doubtless be the best choice. However winged mounts are very seldom comfortable and I wanted to ride a bit more comfortably and since the dessert was quite a ways away and since there probably would be more opportunities of getting new mounts and since there were plenty of good roads for a great distance ahead I went to look at the carriages.
There were a few wheeled vehicles for sale in the village and I looked at them all carefully and judged their merits and the comfortableness of their seats, their suspension, and their relative prices, and I finally decided on buying two of them.
Next it was time to get some horses to draw them but that proved to be a slightly more difficult matter. I had gotten a good bargain on both the carriages and I soon found out why… there was a shortage of horses! In fact shortage wasn’t really the word for it, their simply weren’t any horses. Apparently three days ago twelve Trolls of Toadulla had come into the village and stolen all of the horses and drove them off and there were few left in the village and those were not for sale.
This proved to be a slight challenge however one of villagers, the blacksmith, informed me that he could give me an excellent price on horseshoes if I wanted them. I said “How much?” since I really am not very good at resisting an excellent bargain and he told me and I bought a set of four horseshoes and he threw in an extra one for good measure.
I had before been informed which way the Twelve Trolls of Toadulla had gone with the horses and I followed that way for a bit until I saw one of the Trolls of Toadulla taking a nap while leaning against an oak tree. I threw one of the horse shoes I had just bought and hit him on the head with it, hard enough to wake him up but not hard enough to make him unconscious.
He looked up at me and said, “Wot you want?”
And I said, “I want something to draw two carriages I just bought along the road for about three hundred miles north from here. I think you can do it so you’d better come along and make yourself useful or else I’ll make all of your worst nightmares come true and I can do it since I am Elizabeth Joy Von Fange, the Authoress.”
The troll looked as unhappy and frightened as though I’d already carried my threat into effect and he got up and followed me back to where the two carriages I had bought were and I proceeded to hitch one of the carriages to the other and then the troll grabbed the harness of the first carriage and then pulled it to the inn as meekly and mildly as a very meek and mild sort of creature that is meek and mild. I’d say lamb but some lambs are certainly not as meek and mild as reports make them.
9/7/05
We arrived outside the inn and I got out of the carriage and walked inside. The large clock inside showed that it was eight o’clock. I was shocked! Typically I wasn’t even awake at that hour but to have eaten breakfast and gone shopping and done everything else I’d done so far that morning was highly unusual for me. Even if I hadn’t captured a troll it would have been unusual.
This being the case there was just one thing on my mind to do, go back up to my room and sleep for another hour and a half:) After all, I’m only sixteen and I need my sleep.
I went back up to my room and crawled back into bed and shut my eyes and as I drifted off I thought that this would probably be an excellent place to end chapter two so I think I’ll do that.
