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It was not a dark and stormy night when Shirley Holmes and Miss Watson drove up to a large victorian mansion at four-thirty in the afternoon. Fifteen minutes prior to there arrival they had received an urgent telephone call from Mrs. Norton, the house keeper, informing them that Mr. Sylvester was missing.

Shirley Holmes was, as you probably have guessed, a private detective and Miss Watson was her assistant. The two of them walked up the steps of the house and Shirley Holmes courageously rang the front doorbell.

The door was slowly swung open a few moments later by an ostentatious butler who asked them, “Didn’t you see the notice?”

“What notice?” Shirley Holmes said calmy while Miss Watson quickly looked around to make sure they hadn’t missed any quarantine signs.

The butler looked to the right and then back inside the room and then coughed slightly and picked something off a table that was just the the left of the door and placed it onto the door bell. It said, “Bell out of order, please knock.” Shirley Holmes knocked, despite the fact that the door was open and the butler said, “Won’t you come in?”

Not bothering to reply they entered and were soon met by Mrs. Norton, the housekeeper. She was almost in hysterics but calmed down enough to inform them all she knew about the situation, which was primarily that Mr. Sylvester had gone into his study around three in the afternoon and at three thirty she had gone in to bring him some tea and he wasn’t there.

“And, he’s not anywhere!” the housekeeper said as she broke into tears again.

The butler coughed slightly in a I-know-more-about-this-than-you-know-but-I-don’t-want-you-to-know-that-I-know-more-than-you-know-if-you-know-what-I-mean-and-I-hope-you-don’t sort of way and Watson became suspicious.

“You say he was in the study when last seen.” Shirley Holmes, who had noted everything but didn’t betray the fact said, “”Perhaps we should go there.

The housekeeper led the way and the butler followed at a discreet distance. When Mrs. Norton opened the door a house cat ran out but Miss Watson, who wasn’t paying as much attention to the matter as Shirley Holmes was didn’t notice this and promptly stepped on the cat’s tail. The cat promptly yowled and scratched Miss Watson very hard and Miss Watson promptly made a rather loud noise.

This didn’t seem to disturb Shirley Holmes’s concentration on the scene of the alleged disappearance and she had already noticed that the windows were easily operable and on the ground floor and that everything in the room was scrupulously clean which made the desk rather stand out, for it had a bit of clutter on it, clutter which required careful observation.

“Was Mr. Sylvester a neat man?” Shirley Holmes quickly asked.

“No, he was always untidy.” the housekeeper said in a way as though to mean that if he wasn’t her job would be a lot easier but that she didn’t mind his being untidy because it gave her something to do, “I have to clean this room every day, he always takes things out but never puts them away.”

“And when do you clean this room?” Shirley Holmes said, a clever hypothesis already formed in her unfathomable mind.

“Oh everyday at two-thirty!” the housekeeper promptly said.

“Have you found out something?” Miss Watson said eagerly.

“Yes, I believe I have encountered an important clue. If the housekeeper cleaned the room at two thirty then obviously whatever is on this table was put there since and therefore must be clues in the disappearance of Mr. Sylvester”

Everyone paused to take in the brilliance of this deduction and then Shirley Holmes proceeded, “What we see before us are only a few objects but their meaning is important. What do we see?” Shirley Holmes said, but Miss Watson knew by the way she said it that she didn’t want an answer since she was going to answer the matter herself.

“Here is a spoon,” Holmes said, pointing to the object and not touching or disturbing the scene of the crime, “and here is a bottle of olive oil, opened and partially empty, and here is a box of band aids that is opened and here is an empty band aid wrapper beside the box and here is a newspaper opened up on the advertisements page.”

“What do you deduce from this?” Miss Watson said eagerly after a suitable period of time had passed for allowing the mastermind to come to a conclusion.

“Well, quite obviously Mr. Sylvester used a band aid, but why? And when? Before he poured out a teaspoon of olive oil or after?”

“He poured out a teaspoon of olive oil! How did you figure that out?” Miss Watson said, quite excited for this had escaped her notice.

“Elementary, my dear Miss Watson. As you can see there is a slight residue on the spoon and since there the bottle of olive oil is the only liquid substance on the table and since if there was another substance to be poured Mr. Sylvester probably wouldn’t have put it away therefore we are left with the Olive Oil. And Miss Watson, your leg is bleeding.”

Miss Watson, who had forgotten this fact looked down at her leg and say that it was indeed bleeding and the housekeeper, now being aware of the fact quickly took a band aid from the box and it was applied and fit perfectly over the scratch marks. Miss Watson explained about the cat and the housekeeper said, “Yes, Lulu Belle always does scratch when her tail is stepped on, poor thing, but sometimes it’s so hard to see her.”

“I have it!” Shirley Holmes said looking very pleased.

“You know where Mr. Sylvester is already?” Miss Watson said, looking enormously pleased.

“Not quite yet, but I do know what happened. On entering the room, or sometime after that event, Mr. Sylvester stepped on the tail of the aforementioned cat and was rather upset about it, especialy when he was scratched. He took out the box of band aids and put one on over the scratch he had gotten and sat down. Looking at today’s newspaper he read on page three an article about how olive oil can increase the shine of a cat’s coat and decided to try it since it would make the cat more visible. So after pouring out a teaspoon full of olive oil and giving it to the cat he then sat down again and…” at that moment Shirley Holmes, who had been going through the motions of what probably had happened, sat down and took up the newspaper and after studying it for a moment said, “And noticed this advertisement.”

“How did you deduce that?” Miss Watson said.

“Because the article is circled in red ink and their is an ink pen with that sort of ink lying right here on the desk.”

“And what is it an advertisement for?” was the question just about everybody either asked or wanted too when at that moment the question was answered by hearing the door open and footsteps in the hall. In a moment Mr. Sylvester himself showed up and said, “Look Mrs. Norton! I just bought snake-bite-proof army boots! The man I bought them from assured me that they’d work against cat scratches too!”

“Just as I thought.” Shirley Holmes said.

“Congratulations Holmes!” Miss Watson said, “You’ve done it again!”

MORAL: It is usually a good idea to avoid stepping on the tail of a cat if you do not wish to be scratched. Also you might want to make sure that somebody is really missing before calling the police or private detectives. And sometimes, it actually is an advantage to be messy…

i think I may be getting better! I feel a lot more energetic today and also rather pleased because I’m looking forward to the next game of Lord of the Rings Trading Cards that I played with Daniel. I rebuilt my deck today and I think I have a much better one than I did before.

In order to understand the significance of this thing you must understand that in all of the games I have played against Daniel I have lost. In fact, in several of the games I have played against Polly my stuffed bear I have lost.

The reasons that I think this has happened is because I’m the one building the decks. Naturally I wish to give myself the best cards and as I see really good ones I put them into my deck. When it comes to building other decks I use the cards I haven’t used and in order to make things more fun to put together I usually build a very compact deck with just cards that go well together and usually I do not exceed the minimum card limit by much. So I think the reasons I’ve lost is because I’ve had at least five good strategies going on at the same time but the chances of my getting cards that correspond well together are slim and if I keep on holding cards in my hand that will be really powerful when combined with another card the possibilities of my not drawing the correct cards is likely and therefore it is rather a waste.

So the deck I built today is very compact. I only used four cultures in total for it instead my usual six or seven or eight. And one culture only has one card from it. If you have no idea what I’m talking about by “cultures” don’t bother your head about it because i don’t think I’m going to explain. At anyrate I think I now have a fairly good compact deck but I’ll probably play a game or two with it and see if I can’t beat Polly with it. Polly will probably have Daniel’s deck. And maybe the next time I play Daniel I will be able to win!!!

Muhahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ah yes, I’m feeling a lot healthier than I was feeling last week. I’m still sick though but I’ll probably be able to recommence work on The First Lengthy Epic Science Fiction Adventure of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange soon. And indeed, if that story goes on as it started it really should be an epic tale.

A bit of poetry came into my head this morning and I wrote it down. It’s not very good but when has my poetry ever been that?

There once was a squirrel of great fame
He searched for Acorns in the rain
He hunted Acorns by the shore
And ate peanuts nevermore

And naturally I haven’t been using a To Do List and therefore I have forgotten about writing posts… My apologies but hey, this is a free website! For you, though not for me. So it’s probably alright if I miss a few days every so often though I notice that I get a few less hits after that. At any rate around now would probably be a good time to read The First Lengthy Rambling Fantasy Story of Elizabeth Joy Von Fange if you haven’t already done so.

And for your further reading pleasure I’m going to attempt writing an interesting and perhaps even informative short story…

She stood at the window gazing out onto the faint gleams of the sunset which still hung in the western sky. “What have I gotten myself into.” she softly muttered under her breath as she finally turned and once again looked at the task which must be done.

She sighed but sighing didn’t get things done and things must be done. They would be here any moment and she was not utterly sure that she had stealthy feet moving in the corridor outside. Wind blew and whistled about the old castle as she walked across the room.

There, on the large ornate table, was a copper basin filled to the brim with water that was a bit too warm for her taste. With a shudder she lifted up the first of the dirty dishes and placed it into the basin fervently trying to think how on earth one washed dishes. She had never before done so but it was now necessary. Oh why did the maid have to pick this particular day to have off and why had she volunteered to help she wondered.

After a few minutes had passed she paused and listened intently, she was almost certain that she had heard footsteps in the hall but the sounds, if there had been any, had died away again. However since her task was not one that she minded being interrupted in she strode towards the door and opened it just enough to look out. A very large and very slobbery dog that was actively shedding looked back at her and yelped delightedly and quickly ran towards her, evidently expecting to be petted.

As the dog came in contact with the door it opened widely with such force that she was knocked over. She didn’t like the slobbery face that was immediately in front of her but being that the dog’s head was now higher than her own she immediately started saying, “Nice Doggie” and petting it and then as “Nice Doggie” started to get repitious she started saying “Handsome Doggie,”, “Intelligent Doggie”, and then “Noble Animal” and she began to get more and more complementary as the dog began to slober less and look less and less menancing.

She was up the point where she thought it might be safe to get up as the dog was begining to look very pleased when she had said, “Astute and Helpful Hound” when someone came into the room. It was the dog’s owner and he was not slobbering and hairy but extremely handsome and smiles quickly came to greet his arrival.

“I hope my dog hasn’t been bothering you.” he said in a rich mellow voice as he aided her to rise.

“Oh no!” she quickly assured him, “He’s been very nice.”

“You really think so?” he said almost joyfully while gazing into her eyes.

“Yes, I do.” she said, and was surprised to find that she really did like the dog, now that she knew who his owner was.

“Wonderful!” he said, “I always said I wouldn’t marry any girl but a girl who would like Horatio.”

Assuming that Horatio was the dogs the name she felt very happy as he gently kissed her. Horatio looked quite pleased as well and soon the three of them left the room and she and he got married and lived happily ever after since she never had to wash any dishes again which was just as well since she was terrible at it. Horatio the dog lived happily ever after as well and if you can tell what this story was about or who “They” were then I congratulate you. At any rate, I hope the story amused you. It certianly amused me and it’s rather nice that the only name I had to stop and bother my brain with wondering what to call a character was in the case of Horatio.

MORAL: Never insult a large drooling doggie if you can possibly avoid it and the sun usually sets in the west just as it did in this story and that’s about as “Informative” as the tale got:)

These pictures are in no particular order but they show a bit of what we did today. In case you don’t know what I look like, I’m the one wearing the green dress. Mom was very nice to get these pictures for me to put up on my website.

Today was quite the day… I had a lot of fun and I’m currently really, really tired. When I got home I took a two hour nap which I just woke up from a few minutes ago.

This morning we pretty much just got up and began preparations to go to the Renaissance festival. I had already selected an outfit to wear and I wore it.

Um, I’m rather sorry but I don’t feel like typing and making things interesting right now. I am still ill and I’m thoroughly tired since I walked all over the fair and I saw jousting and I bought a beautiful peacock feather fan and venetian mask for the grand total of $26 and at the moment I can’t really type. I’m not sure my lunch of “Fyshe and Chyps” agreed with me… At anyrate I feel rather sick right now and very tired so I think I’ll write later when I can write about the event properly. And also when I can post some pictures! I did enjoy seeing the brave and noble knights on horse back jousting although presumably there were two bad knights and one good knight. It was kind of odd to see a three knight joust. They would alternate between who was doing what so Sir Matthew would ride fast to challenge Sir William and the Sir William would turn around and face the Sir Mordrin(I think that was his name, not sure though) then Sir Mordrin would face Sir Matthew and then the pattern would repeat until a knight got unhorsed or something. Sir Mordrin cheated at every event. The joust was broken up into three events you see. I also saw a chicken man.

And I think I’ll stop now.

Late Wednesday night or early Thursday morning I was pretty sick and since I don’t want to bring up unpleasant pictures to the mind I probably shouldn’t mention that I threw up but I will since that was how sick I was.

I was really not feeling well all Thursday and spent the day in bed, more or less. Today I’m feeling better but still not perfectly healthy.

Um… I’m sure there was something else I was going to mention… I can’t remember it though. My head is in a muddle right now and it doesn’t want to think.

Today I have taken things very easy. I started reading “Won By the Sword” by G. A. Henty and the charming young lady has just been introduced to the hero of the tale. At the begining of the story he was merely the son of a deceased officer and at the moment he’s a colonel and a baron and not more than five years older than I am. I enjoy reading Henty books. I do not however enjoy having sore throat.

I’m tired right now so this is all the post I’ll post for the present.

Once upon a time there was a young lady who wanted to eat pickled onions very much. So one day she decided to eat one since she had never done so before and in fact, she had never even seen a pickled onion before. So she decided to go on a quest for a pickled onion. She found lots of pickles and lots of onions but she had yet to find a pickled onion when she saw a huge castle.

Thinking that perhaps there might be a pickled onion there she decided to look inside and she stepped in. Everybody was still and motionless for without knowing it she had stumbled into the castle of Sleeping Beauty and as it was only thirty five years since Sleeping Beauty had touched the spindle everyone was still asleep.

Our heroine walked around the castle for a while but didn’t see anything resembling a pickled onion so she left but not before she had picked a rose from the castle gardens. It was the first sleeping rose she had ever seen.

After leaving the castle she went on her way and saw a house made of cookies and cake and candy. However it didn’t look like there would be a pickled onion there and it did look as though there would be a child eating witch there so she went on.

At this point I realized that I was threading in old fairy tales into this most epic of quests for pickled onions and I also felt as though you probably realized that quite some time ago. Anyway….

Soon she came across a barren plain where a huge battle was going on and beyond it she could see a large mountain which was overflowing with lava and somewhere in that direction Frodo the hobbit was about to throw in the ring of doom so apparently sleeping beauty woke up around the year sixty-ive of the Fourth Age of Middle Earth if you want to be precise but who does?

Having now thrown a more modern fairy tale into the story the heroine of this carefully avoided the enemy army but not until she had picked up a sword from a fallen warrior since she thought it might be good for slicing pickled onions and she went on until she saw a wise old man who told her, “Often times it chances in this world that when one wants something done one has to do it for oneself.” He then went on his way and since he spoken this most useful bit of advice in a language our heroine did not speak she was unable to profit from the gibberish.

She went on until two seconds later a handsome prince said, “Would you like me to translate what he said?” and she said “Yes.” and the handsome prince translated and she, since she wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying but merely paying attention to him and the pleasant mellow tones of his voice said, “That was wonderful” once he had stopped speaking without any clear idea of what he had said.

But he knew what had been said and the very useful advice and two years later when they were approaching their two year wedding anniversary he repeated it and our heroine decided to make a pickled onion herself and she did and once she had eaten it she remarked, “Yuck!”

THE END

Directly below this text should be a picture of the guests at my birthday party looking very nice in their… noses. They were a nice touch and surprised me exceedingly, the glasses and not neccessarily the guests…

Several of us smiling and looking normal.

A general shot of the table. Andrew is imitating the statue in the center.

In case you don’t know who Andrew is here is his picture.

And last but certainly not least, this is what I enjoy eating!!! But if I eat even a little of such things I get sick but on special occasions one can afford to get sick.

And for those of you who were wondering, my birthday was on September 26th but it’s not too late to get me a present(Hint, Hint, ANDREW!!!).

Oh, and this year I hinted a lot less than I did last year. I got more presents too so it must have worked…

It’s Saturday already! My week of scheduled laziness is just about over. Next week I’ll have to be busy and get school done and write and do all sorts of things.

Last night something very odd happened. It was around nine thirty or so that I thought I would start writing something so I wrote and several hours later at three in the morning I had written sixteen and a half pages of a story. So I was averaging less than three pages an hour… I think I need to learn how to type faster because that’s a long time to write so little. I haven’t reread what I wrote yet but I wasn’t trying to be funny and I don’t think I was very funny because the story was extremely serious. Still, it was kind of odd for me to almost solidly type for five and a half hours. Since tomorrow is Sunday and I’ll need to be alert in the morning I’m not going to try typing more tonight.

Next week will probably be different from this week. And I think I’ll end this post now.